Missing Luke, Awaiting Lucy, and Finding a Home!

Time is flying by and standing still all at the same time. I had great intentions of writing a post on Easter, especially to mark the occasion of Luke spending his second Easter in Heaven with his mom and dad on earth missing him so much. We had hoped that his baby sister would have been here to make this Easter easier than the last, but Lucy had other plans. It has now occurred to us that even with Lucy here, we will always feel the hole that Luke left in our hearts when we said goodbye to him. The holidays have a way of making that hole more apparent. I never realized just how much children make a holiday until we lost Luke. Holidays are made for children, and it is seeing the day through their eyes that make the holiday so special. And oh how we wish we could see Easter through Luke's eyes. But there is good news! Because of the promise that Jesus made and fulfilled to us when He rose from the dead on Easter morning, we will see Luke again!

Back to the time flying and standing still part though. I never would have thought that I would still be pregnant with Lucy at this point in April. I am learning to deal with my anxiety about her well being on a day to day basis. After what happened with Luke, I just feel like Lucy would be safer out of my belly than in at this point. My doctor keeps reassuring me that she is in fact in the best place possible right now, and that all continues to be completely healthy and normal with her. So, in respects to Lucy's arrival, time seems to be standing still.

Life has definitely taken some interesting turns for Will and I. Ever since we found out Luke's diagnosis, it just seems like it has been one difficult thing after another. Looking back on some of the more difficult events in my life I can clearly see God's hand in them, and have come to realize that what I thought at the time was tragic and devastating ended up turning into a bigger blessing than the actual tragedy. I have yet to see the blessings outweigh the tragedy with Luke - and maybe never will in this life - but there were definitely blessings that came out of our time with Luke. However, I have been trying to remind myself that God has a plan for Will and I to prosper and be happy and that He is holding us in the palm of His hand.

I say all of this because lately, the thing I have been wrestling with the most is our living situation. We sold our condo and have no clear plans on where we will be moving to. If all goes according to schedule, we have about a month to find a new place to live. We have been coming up short on finding a place, and it looks like at this point that we will have to find a temporary living situation until a more permanent one can be found. This means that wherever we move to next will not be the end destination, and I'm afraid will involve living out of boxes and feeling unsettled. This is the opposite of what I could ever have hoped for when bringing home our much anticipated infant daughter. I keep asking God - what are You thinking? What could possibly be good about this situation? The timing just seems horrible. I am trying to put my trust in Him, but it is difficult. I want to know where I will be bringing our daughter home to, and I want it to be of the same quality or better than our condo. I also want it to feel like home, be able to decorate Lucy's nursery and feel settled. I am trying to put my trust in God's plan, and take it day by day, but I am really struggling with that. Please pray for our living situation, and that I will be at peace with God's plan.

Hopefully my next post will be introducing Lucy in an array of photos....