The Season Finale - December, 2021

December, the month we had been counting down to, finally arrived.  We had been working towards this deadline since June and Will and I were both ready for this chapter to be closed.  The silver lining of such a long goodbye to our house is that it really does take away a lot of the sentimentality I would have been feeling.  There was still an empty sadness, but the stress relief of not having to work towards this move was greater than the sadness at this point.  Here Opal is below, doing one last swing on our tree swing in the backyard.  In the photo below that, all four girls are reveling in the expansiveness of their now empty room.  All of us will miss their bunkbeds and the coziness of their bedroom with the large closet and 12-drawer built in dresser.  I am happy to report that they will be sharing a large room at the new house, so at least I don't have to be sad about them not all being in the same room together yet.  

I will miss the coziness of our house in general, how everything seems to be in arms reach and how I can see where the kids are pretty much anywhere on the first floor.  This has been a great house for raising small kids.  The dining room holds so many memories - all of the homeschool, crafts, meals and holidays it has held.  The living room with the pair of east-facing tulip stained glass windows that the rising sun shone through each morning (we are taking the stained glass with us but sadly do not have anywhere to hang them at the new house), the shower on the main floor that was big enough to hold all four girls and how when they were all younger, they would have bubble parties in there while showering together.  I will miss sitting on the covered front porch while it rains, and looking out my front windows at the green space.  I will miss the trails across the street, walking to downtown, walking by the river, and walking in the neighborhood cemetery where my kids learned to ride their bikes.  I will miss all of my plants and trees.  I will miss the feeling of home we had here, and all of the light-filled rooms.  Here we are below on moving day.  In clockwise order from top left: eating our last meal in the dining room, boxes ready for friends and family that are coming to help move us, our friend backing his truck filled with our belongings into our new driveway, more boxes ready to go, and finally, the girls clothes in their "new" dressers, ready to be loaded.

There is something to be said for having friends and family move you.  Moving is a major life transition, like birth, marriage or death.  I am so thankful to our friends and family for helping us move.  Plus, having my kids' friends there made it seem like a party, and helped them not linger on the sadness of leaving but focus more on the excitement of going.  There is an intimacy that is shared with friends who are loading the contents of your fridge into coolers, and another friend who did the final sweep and had the most random of our household objects filled up in her mini van.  We are truly blessed in the friends who are like family to us.

After the last load was brought into the new house, just the six of us went back to say goodbye to our empty house and to get Charlie.  We had left him locked in the garage of the old house for over 24 hours now, as we were afraid he would stay away with all of the moving commotion and we did not want the fear of leaving him behind because we couldn't find him.  He was not happy, but it was for the best.  We walked through the empty rooms of the house for the last time and Violet told me, "Mom, all the memories in my head are of this house.  Every single memory I have, this house is a part of it."  Violet put into words what we were all feeling.  Our neighbor who we call Charlie's Angel came over to say goodbye to us and to Charlie before we left.  She has done so much for us to help with Charlie and the move and is my angel too.  Charlie cried the ENTIRE way to the new house.  As we pulled out of our driveway for the last time, we were all crying with Charlie.  By the time we pulled off of our street though, we started smelling a seriously bad odor.  Either Charlie had pooped or puked in his carrier.  This got us laughing (Charlie was still crying though) as we rolled down all of the windows and tried to stick our heads out of them for fresh air.  A good laugh is exactly what we needed, so thank you Charlie.  I was happy to find out when we arrived at the new house that it must have been wind that Charlie passed - talk about a get out of jail free card!  We brought Charlie into our new garage, locked the doors and then let him out of his cage.  I will never forget how he came right out and then began circling the garage with calm yet purposeful movements, sniffing everything.  If he could talk, I swear he would have said, "all of our stuff is here, yet I have never been here before."  After some serious circling, he settled down in his heated cat house.  I couldn't have been more relieved, especially since we would not be sleeping at the new house for a few more weeks and I needed to know he was okay before we left him there for the night.  

With Charlie settling into his new home, we headed to my brother's house where we would spend the next few weeks.  The original plan was for us to move in with my parents while our house was being finished, but they came down with COVID a week prior to our move.  This was terribly unfortunate timing, and besides us being worried about them, we had to look for another place to live.  My brother John has a condo near my parent's house and my younger brother Pat is his roommate.  John is in Florida for the winter, and agreed to let us stay in his bedroom since it was empty anyways.  I joke with Pat that he was a terrible roommate when we were kids.  With the age difference between us, I was a teenager wanting to sleep in and he was a preschooler, rising with the sun.  I am happy to report that he was an awesome roommate this time, and when we arrived late on Saturday night after saying good bye to our house, he had a giant pot of chili on the stove for us.  My relief and gratitude at arriving so exhausted both emotionally and physically to the smell of home cooked food and my welcoming brother made me cry.  I will never forget that moment.  That chili he made will forever be the best chili I have ever eaten.  In clockwise order from top left below: eating with my brother, all of the many lists I kept during the time at my brother's to be able to pull off our move, pull off regular life in a house that wasn't ours, and pull off Christmas as well, the advent wreath I brought from storage to my brother's to help it feel like the holidays, and finally, all six of us in my brother's bedroom.  Will and I slept in my brother's bed and we brought the girls four twin mattresses and laid them on the floor.  It was cozy, but it worked, and I will be forever grateful that one brother gave us his room, and the other brother graciously allowed us to take over the condo with all of our stuff and noise.  And talk about sibling paybacks - all those early morning wake ups he gave me when we were kids, I now paid him back with FOUR early morning wake up kids that came with a lot of accessories.  Ah, life.  Let's consider it karma with interest.  But in all seriousness, it was a very bonding time for me at least, and I will forever treasure this time with my brother and his care for us.

We celebrated St. Nick's day at my brother's, and St. Nick even left an orange in his shoe.  In the right hand photo below, Will arrived at work one day and found the likeness of himself on the wall decor.  It's nice to know that his coworkers share his sense of humor.  One evening this past month, my friend Jill and I went to a painting workshop, and I made some decor for my new house.  Jill had wanted to go earlier in the month, but she patiently waited for the stress of my move out of my house to be complete so that I could fully enjoy this night out with her.  It felt like a celebration.

We brought a few toys to my brother's house (my brother may argue it was more than a few).  We didn't know exactly how long we would be there, but we were hoping for only a few weeks.  What do you bring that will keep the kids occupied when most of their toys are packed away?  We brought watercolors, several bags of books, and a huge bin of Lego Duplos.  And Emma, taking matters into her own hands, placed the entire collection of Nancy Drew books on hold at the library.  Imagine my surprise and embarrassment as I sat at the library drive through pick up window and the librarian methodically handed me the entire collection through the pick up drawer.  At least we had a good laugh together as I assured the librarian I had no idea that Emma had done that.  

Opal took advantage of my distraction and in the move stashed a bag of Dum Dum suckers in a secret hiding spot.  I only ever knew she was up to no good when I saw her tongue was a different color.  Will picked up some kids crafts at Home Depot, and Emma made ornaments for the Grandmas and Grandpas while Lucy painted watercolor pictures for them.

One night after the kids were in bed I set up an assembly line for my annual Christmas cards I send out.  My brother helped Will and I stuff and seal the envelopes, and wondered how I knew so many people.  In the photos below in clockwise order from top left: my dad washing walls in our new bathroom (fully recovered from COVID), the new subfloor in what will become the kids playroom, insulation that my brother, father in law and Will put up in the garage, my brother and my dad with their Christmas gift to me - a stack of wood and holder for our new fireplace, another layer of floor discovered in the kitchen (the ceiling also had as many layers - a drop ceiling of fluorescent lights, which after that was removed revealed two different layers of wallpaper border - one from the 70's and one from the 50's), the dryer vent that Will proudly installed (no more dryer vented out of an open window), the moment the wood floors met (our flooring guy installed the floors to flow seamlessly throughout the entire first floor and there was a point where the rooms separated and then met again.  It was by calculation only that he could line them up and look at that - they did!), and finally, Will, his dad and the girls building the four new twin bed frames we bought for the girls.

Our fireplace brick arrived after backorder, and I drove an hour one way to go pick it up.  When I got home and Will opened the boxes, we realized it was the wrong brick.  Upon further investigation, we found out that the wrong brick was ordered.  When I placed the order back in October, I pointed to the wall with the sample brick that I wanted, and the salesperson rung me up.  I didn't read the receipt to make sure it was the right one - I thought there was no question, since I pointed to the exact one I wanted.  This was very unfortunate, as I knew when I bought the brick that all sales were final and the store was very firm about this.  Who's mistake was it?  I should have verified the receipt, but the salesperson should have written down the one I was pointing to.  The brick I received was of the same brand, but was no where close in the showroom to where I pointed.  I had such a sick feeling in my stomach about this.  I have wanted a fireplace for many years, and it looked like I was finally getting it.  I couldn't help but shake my fist at God. WHY did everything have to be so difficult?  WHY couldn't I simply just have what I want?  And, to make matters worse, even if I did have it in my budget by reselling the wrong brick on Marketplace, the brick I wanted was now FOUR months backordered.  So that would mean no fireplace season until next winter.  Did I want to wait that long and try to resell the wrong brick?  Will and I decided to just make do with the wrong brick.  I told my friend Jill this story, and she quietly listened.  Little did I know that she was hatching a plan.  She got on the phone and started calling every single brick supplier she could find.  And would you believe that she found the EXACT amount of brick that we needed at a supplier that was closer than the one I had bought the wrong brick from?  The guy there said he has no idea why that was in their warehouse, as he is fully aware that this brick is backordered everywhere until April.  My friend called me to tell me what she found as I was driving Violet to a vision therapy appointment.  I had to pull over the car as it was like I had just won a trip to Disney World.  Not only did she find the brick, but her and her husband paid for it too as a housewarming gift to us.  This is over and above what any housewarming gift costs, and I humbly knew that this was on their heart to do and that this is why my brick order had gone wrong.  What an amazing gift of love from our friends, and it is no coincidence that this story of generosity is now mortared to the heart of my new home.  Here our friends are below, writing with a sharpie, a note to us on the back of the brick.  A good house has a strong foundation, and it is safe to say that our new house was built on the strongest foundation possible - the love of our family and friends.

The girls and I went to the new house every single day to care for Charlie and the girls walked him in the yard while I took care of work in my office.  Will went to the new house every day after work, as now our new goal was to move in by Christmas.  It was comical to see Charlie try and trip the girls up with the leash - and yes, I think he knew exactly what he was doing when he walked a circle around a tree or went under and around a shrub.

It snowed this past month, and that made the new yard fun for the girls while Will and I took care of things in the house.  One night as we left the new house to head back to my brother's for the night, I caught myself saying goodbye to the house as I locked the door.  I did this at our old house too, and it made me smile to know that this was a sign that the new place was feeling like home.

The photos below in clockwise order: I received in the mail a holiday face mask, sewn by a friend and it made my day, the girls made a gingerbread house with friends on our back picnic table, the girls and I went to a painting birthday party for a friend (our old neighbor), and finally, our old neighbor came to play in our new yard and it felt very much like a full circle moment and proof that we took the best parts of our old house with us. 

I was late in ordering a grave blanket for Luke this year, and by the time I called the place we have been going to for 14 years now, I found out they were sold out.  This year, of all years, I needed this part to be easy.  As I was whining to Will, he had the brilliant idea to use the pine branches from our new house to make a grave blanket ourselves.  Talk about making lemonade from lemons!  Our new house has so many giant white pine trees, which is my favorite tree and if I may be so bold to say, my spirit plant.  I love to sit in awe under them, knowing they were planted before I was born and to remember that God has a plan.  Even if it feels like God doesn't have a plan at the time.  And so, we made Luke a grave blanket from the trees in our new yard and Luke will have a part of his family's new home with him at the cemetery.  This by far is the best grave blanket yet.  Here we are below, Will making the grave blanket while the girls and I make Lego ornaments to decorate it.

I hope that we have many signs at the new house of Luke's presence with us, as we felt his presence at our last house so much.

The week leading up to Christmas it looked like we may pull off moving in by Christmas Eve.  On Tuesday the plumbing was finished, on Wednesday the floors were finished, and on Thursday the fireplace was finished.  With the help of my brother, we moved the girls four twin mattresses and all of our stuff we had used the past three weeks at his house, into our new house on Friday.  Christmas Eve.  Despite a bright and early start, we still had a TON to do to pull off Christmas AND sleeping in the house for the first time.  I still had curtains that needed to be washed and hung, all bedding needed to be washed and put on the beds, and we needed certain things like shower curtain rings (which I had bought and put in a special place and now couldn't find).  We also needed to put up the Christmas tree and Will and I needed to finalize gift wrapping.  Fortunately we had been wrapping presents throughout the month but we still needed to wrap last minute things.  And, I wanted to do a house blessing before we slept in the house for the first time.  Here we are below, ready for the house blessing.  I had selenite for centering, a new for the house plant for grounding, sage from a friend's garden to purify the air and infuse friendship throughout, a bell we had inherited from Will's grandma for bringing in the love of our ancestors, holy water from my mom and a branch of white pine to sprinkle the holy water throughout the inside and outside of the house. Because my kids do not like the smell of sage, I used the sage on the outside and the bell on the inside while we all chanted, "let love and light fill this house."  Five members of my family humored me while I led the procession.  At the end of our blessing ceremony, I gifted the four girls amethyst geode hearts to signify love and healing in our new home.

Now that our house was blessed, it was time to decorate the Christmas tree.  We had bought a new tree this year, due to our old tree being stored in a moldy basement.  

It felt strange to do this yearly tradition in a new house, but also very efficient to just jump right in with making new memories in a new place.  After the kids were ready for bed, Opal came downstairs with her hands behind her back and told me not to look as she placed something on Santa's cookie plate.  I had to laugh when Opal, who I mentioned earlier was sneaking Dum Dum suckers all month, added two half eaten suckers to Santa's store-bought cookie plate.  I think her conscience had caught up with her, and she was worried that Santa had seen her sneaking suckers all month and so offered two of her contraband as a peace offering or as a bribe. 

Christmas morning dawned extra bright and early, with Opal waking up about 6am and realizing it was Christmas.  We tried to keep her quiet, but soon all of the sisters were awoken by Opal's lack of whispering.

Again, it was strange to not be "home" as we unwrapped presents, but again, no time like the present to make new memories.

I surprised the girls with gift cards to go to the painting workshop that I went to this past month.  They were so excited!  

I think it's safe to say they mostly got what they had hoped for.  Emma really wanted a $600 Harry Potter Lego set and Violet wanted a Barbie house, but we tried setting their expectations that Santa has a budget, and I think they understood.  Plus, those big ticket items would be perfect for them to save up for themselves.  Nothing like a goal you achieved by your own hard work.  Santa did bring Violet a Barbie car that would fit perfectly in the Barbie house garage that Violet will one day purchase with her own money!

I love how, three months later, I can see how some of these gifts played out.  In the bottom, right hand photo below, Opal received a dress that she has worn almost every day since.  In the bottom, left hand photo below, Will received a gift that helped him and I grieve our old house and come to terms with our new house - I found a place on Etsy that turns photos of houses into watercolor paintings.  I did this of our old house and it turned out lovely.  Now our old house hangs on the wall of our new house, and it is all very full circle.  It occurred to me that grief is magnified on holidays, and although this is a house and not a person, we are still grieving the loss.  Will and I shed some tears and some smiles as we watched our kids enjoying their gifts.  The backdrop may have changed, but the people we love most are here.

Favorite gifts of the kids include: Lucy, an artist quality watercolor set and tripod for her camera, Violet, a poop-a-lot (cat stuffed animal that walks and poops) and Lego set, Opal, a Barbie camper, Barbie mermaid and magical wands, Liz, tools for the fireplace and artwork for our new house, Will, tool organizers and the framed house rendering, and finally Emma, a smaller Harry Potter Lego set and a new watch.

Opal's clear conscience gave her no qualms as she ate chocolate Christmas candy like an addict - see top, lefthand photo below of the tin foil trail she left in her wake.  We had a quiet Christmas, with COVID numbers so high, played with all of our new toys, built Legos together and took a walk to the new to us local playground.

It was a lovely first day in our new house.  In the next week, we spent time at my parents house (indoors because now they were immune to COVID), and time at Will's parent's house but outdoors, as no one there was immune to COVID.  The girls and my parents put on a Christmas carol concert after dinner, and my parents even played a duet together that was adorable.  At Will's parents house, we met Will's brother and partner's new dog, Nick and enjoyed food and games in his parent's garage.  Nick is a lovely pup, and I think the uncles hit the doggie jackpot with him - he was adopted from a shelter on Christmas eve.

We were in our house for three days when we got some bad news about Will's health.  He had a routine colonoscopy a few days before Christmas and the doctor called him with the results the Monday after Christmas.  We had already delayed this colonoscopy due to COVID, and despite the very inconvenient time of this rescheduled date the week before Christmas as we are down to the wire to move into our new house and COVID numbers skyrocketing again, we both had a feeling in our gut that we needed to keep this procedure appointment.  Thankfully, we did.  Pre-cancer was found in the biopsies that were taken during his colonoscopy.  The bottom fell out on us at this point, and it was hard not feel completely abandoned by God as we grappled with this news on top of everything we have been through in the past seven months.  We also were aware that pre-cancer is better than cancer, and we were being given the gift of catching it early.  Plus, not sure how much earlier we would have been able to deal with this, as for the last seven months, we have been in crisis mode to find and move to a healthy house for us. God probably did give this news at the best possible time so that time could be on our side for Will's health.  We are tired and it looks like our struggles are not done yet.  But, we are in a healing house - our very own up north house with our family and friends still close - this is the perfect place for Will to get better, and me too.  January 11th is his next colonoscopy, and if any cancer is found in those biopsies, it will be complete colon removal for Will.  Now, instead of unpacking boxes to settle into our new house, we are researching colon cancer and the pros and cons of living life without a colon.

I am learning that when you are given bad health news, it is normal to play out worst case scenarios in your head.  The key is to not dwell on them.  Will had the thought that maybe his work on this earth was done, as he had given his family a healthy house by the work of his own two hands.  I had the dark thought that I had gotten through the last three months as a single parent - was God preparing me to do life without Will?  It is hard not to cry as I type this.  And, it's interesting how where we live is nothing compared to who you live with.  Now we had until January 11th to distract ourselves and to also savor every moment together, as we were reminded with this health news that nothing can be taken for granted.  Fortunately, we had lots of distractions as we had an entire house to unpack.

The girls had fun unpacking all of their Legos and setting up a new Lego village.  Lots of watercolor still happened as the majority of their other toys were still packed away for lack of somewhere to put them yet.  In the below, right hand photo, Will took a dish and filled it with all of the things he found in the couch cushions.  He showed it to the girls and told them that he found a decayed Barbie in the couch and all that was left was her shin bone and boot.  They looked at Will speechless before Emma insisted it was a dry piece of spaghetti in the Barbie boot.  Hilarious that this is exactly how he found the Barbie boot, plus a sewing needle (!), some game pieces and a ton of lint and food crumbs.

On New Year's Eve, Will's parents, brother and partner came over to see the house and they ended up helping Will load up the last dumpster of demo.  We had quite a pile of debris in our driveway for over a month as come to find out, dumpsters were backordered too.  It was so nice to have the help of Will's family for this task, as it would have taken Will all day to do this by himself.  

In the evening, we celebrated New Year's Eve like we did at our old house - a movie and picnic dinner in the living room.  This time we had a lovely fire in our new fireplace to add to the ambiance.  This is the first New Year's Eve that I didn't make a list of resolutions for the new year.  This year, I knew exactly one thing that I hoped to have in the new year: health for our family.  Nothing else mattered.  Not a finished house, not losing weight, not starting new habits, or going to exciting places.  And I knew no amount of will power or lists was going to give what I most wanted.  This would be a matter of God, faith, and hopefully, our bodies healing.  2021 was a brutal year for us, and it brought many changes, all working for our ultimate well-being.  I want to trust that our newest piece of health news will also in the end, work for our benefit.  2021, you ended with the drama of a oscar-worthy season finale and we are awaiting the next season with trepidation and weariness.  Go easy on us 2022.

November, 2021

November meant the last month in our house of almost twelve years.  We saw Will very little, and I was single-handedly packing up the house while Will was getting our next house livable.  The photos below in clockwise order from top left: Will caught in a rare moment relaxing with Emma, Violet and Opal eating with a box as a table (perfectly normal these days!), and Opal, riding a cart at Home Depot (also perfectly normal these days).

This month I was still being affected by that estate sale dresser that took an hour ride in my car.  Here I am below arriving at a doctor appointment with a red, itchy eye and feeling self-conscious that they will think I have pink eye.  I am happy to report as I type this four months later that my car no longer affects my allergies.  The below, right hand photo shows a wreath that I made at a barn craft class with my friend Krista.  I was hoping to hang this on the new front door, but unfortunately, it got lost in the move and by the time I found it, the needles had all dropped off of the wreath.  A moving causality. 

Opal continued to live her life in the moment, as any three year old does and was probably the least concerned about the impending move.  Here she is below in clockwise order from top left: waking up too early and so needing some snuggles with Emma on the couch before she gets dressed for the day, tending to Lucy who doesn't feel good, setting up a picnic to enjoy with me, hosting a drawing shop, and finally, one of her pieces of art which are looking more and more detailed.  She seems to be taking the family trend with a talent for art.

The girls and I had lots of time together this past month as all of the running around I did the month prior to line up contractors and tile, paint, fabric, furniture and such for the house were in place and just waiting their turn to be installed.  In clockwise order from top left below: Violet made head sets out of pipe cleaner for Opal, me and Opal's black kitty cat, the girls completing a mermaid craft that a friend of mine made for them on her Circuit, me taking a selfie that I don't remember the purpose of, and finally, Emma holding up a sign that said, "Go Mom" when I was standing up for myself on a phone call.  It's funny that you don't really realize that your kids are listening to you all the time (for better or for worse) and that made me smile to know that Emma was rooting for me.

There is a new playground that opened up at our house after years of anticipation.  Every time we tried to go there though, it was crawling with too many people.  So we decided one day to pick a very early time and just go - it was totally worth it.  It is a really cool playground, so I don't see the crowds dissipating any time soon.  At least now we know it's not as crowded super early in the morning.

We found Charlie one morning in his new heated cat house, and it wasn't even plugged in yet.  This made me so happy and brought my anxiety about him moving from a 6 to a 5.  The girls also trained him to walk on a leash, something that I never thought would be possible.  Lots of treats and love and patience and he handled it like a champ.  This brought my anxiety from a 5 to a 3.  So now the plan was for us to lock Charlie in the new garage for 6 weeks but during that time, we could still take him outside with the leash.  According to my sister in law who is a vet, and lots of Google searching, 6 weeks is the time it takes to reorient a cat so it doesn't try to go back to it's original home.  I had to laugh at the below, right hand photo - this might have been Charlie's first experience with a full length mirror and he was definitely curious, especially since he is the kind of cat who doesn't like other cats.  I'm pretty sure he knew it was an image of himself.  And yes, that is the lovely mirror to the dresser I am allergic to - I resold it on Facebook marketplace and was clear that it gave me allergies, so hopefully the new buyer is enjoying it as I type this, allergy-free.

We took photos of our five chickens and made a binder of information on how to care for them and their personalities for the buyers of our house.  I think we were all more than okay to leave them with the new owners as they were super excited about having chickens, and it was nice to know that they wouldn't have to transition into new living quarters.  Also nice that we didn't have to worry about moving them and making a new place for them to live while we were so preoccupied with getting a place ready for us to live.  So, although I thought I would be more sad about leaving them, we were all okay.  Making their care binder was a good way to help us say goodbye.

I was super proud of myself and the girls when we tackled the entire fall season of leaves without Will's help.  It was a workout, and sometimes the girls drove me crazy with their whining and half-willing effort, but we did it and I kept telling them, "Girl Power!"  The red Japanese Maple next to our porch will be missed.  We received it as a house warming gift from our realtor when we bought our house, as she remembered that her and I shared a common love of Japanese Maples.  We looked into having a nursery move the tree for us, but at the end of the day, I was worried that it could kill the tree.  Better to leave it in all it's red glory where it was thriving.  I absolutely will miss the way the sunset illuminated the red of it's leaves in the month of November, and the ritual of sending a photo of it's beauty each November to our retired realtor.  I didn't realize how much she appreciated the photo each year until she told me she will miss it after we move.

This month I started cooking like crazy in bulk to help us through the move and not having a kitchen when we moved in.  We still hadn't decided on cabinets yet, and it wasn't for lack of trying.  Every cabinet company we went to, something fell through.  Not to mention that cabinets everywhere were about a six month backorder.  So, I started filling the freezer to help with when we were in between kitchens.  Emma was a big help in the kitchen the entire time that Will was gone.  I couldn't have done it without her, and it was nice to have the company too.

Here we are below with paint colors and curtains.  I finished both the upstairs and downstairs bathroom curtains, and also put a white liner in two different rooms of pre-made curtain panels.  I found curtain panels that I absolutely fell in love with for both Will's and my bedroom and my office, but they were sheer so I made them useable by lining them with white fabric.  In the photos below, in clockwise order from top left: determining which blue to paint our new front door, the upstairs bathroom curtain freshly sewed, the downstairs bathroom curtain also freshly sewed (and yes, I love ruffles even more than ticking stripe), the girls seam ripping the sheer curtains for me so I can add in a white liner, and finally, the final paint colors for inside our house.

This month the demo was finally done and we had a blank slate to start building it back.  In clockwise order below from top left: the wall we took out to open up the stairway and put in a railing, the fireplace ready for drywall and brick, my father in law taking a phone break from all the hard work he has been doing, my new kitchen, and finally, a glimpse of the girls' bedroom.  I want to take a moment to talk about the help that my father in law gave us.  He was there seven days a week, and worked longer hours at our house than Will did.  When Will was at his day job, Will's dad was at our new house, directing contractors and cleaning up after them.  He made friends with the plumber, jokes with all of the various workers, and asked many, many questions to be sure that everyone was doing their job correctly.  We did not consider how much help we would need to pull this off, but when we realized just how much his dad was helping us, we realized we could have NEVER done this without him.  Plus, it was a bonus for Will and his dad to spend time together every single day - such a father/son bonding project.  And, it was a bonus for the kids and I to see him every day too.  We have been missing him now that the house is livable.  It wasn't all sacrifice for him though - he lost weight with all the work he did at our house and his buddies were telling him that working on our house was his new gym membership.  Will and his dad both go into great shape working on this house on a hill. 

I pulled into the driveway of our new house one day to see several different crews working.  It was a joyous sight to see, and amazing to me that Will and I had orchestrated all of this.  Wood floors were going in, bathroom tile, chimney repair, drywall, and whatever project Will and his dad were currently working on.  In clockwise order from top left: the chimney repair crew, Will and his dad pausing for a photo in what is our dining room, Will installing electrical in the upstairs bathroom, Will and his dad taking a break outside with us after we brought them donuts and cider, and finally, Will's dad scraping up yet another layer of flooring we found in the kitchen.  This house was like an onion for sure, and besides the stress of the bathrooms and learning that the four foot high wall tile was on with concrete and not grout and needed a jack hammer to demo, the floors were our next biggest nightmare.  We already knew there was asbestos tile that needed to be remediated, but imagine our joy at removing the carpet in the dining room and finding more asbestos tile that we hadn't budgeted for.  Plus, once the 65 years of floor layered upon floor was removed, none of the subfloors were level for the whole house wood floors we were planning on putting in.

Will and his dad leveled the entire house of floors, and in a lot of places completely replaced the subfloors due to rotting and smelly wood.  Then we were ready to have the wood floors installed.  Because our house is on a hill, the big box store we got our floors from refused to bring them into the house.  Will was going to bring in all 87 boxes, each weighing 67 pounds and awkwardly long, all by himself.  I took matters into my own hands and called in my family.  My family may not have the time and skill like Will's dad to be there every day to help Will, but I do have a big family and they are younger than us, and strong.  So we called in the crew and they helped load all 87 boxes into the house with Will and I.  

It was a work out and maybe two thirds of the way through, someone got the good idea to load up a pick up truck and drive it up the hill to then unload directly into the front door.

The weather couldn't have been better, and I will be forever grateful to every single person who helped us get this house ready for us.  I think all of the love and energy of the contractors (we worked with some amazing people) and our family and friends definitely added to the light surrounding this house that was to become our new home.  

We ended up having a stressful setback with the wood floors.  Everything was on track for us to move in on December 4th when our lease expired at our old house.  Our flooring contractor (who we love and did an amazing job) told us after two days on the job that the wood floors were defective and not workable.  The tongue of the tongue and groove kept snapping off.  So, we called the big box store we bought them from, and dealt with a kind but very disappointed manager.  My heart went out to him as he kept telling me this had never happened before, and that they use an outside contractor to deliver the wood and could not use them to return the wood.  I was firm in telling him that the outside contractor had refused to carry the wood up the hill, and so it took a crew of five people and over an hour to load it into the house and that because the produce was defective, he was going to have to figure out how to get it out of our house.  He ended up renting a truck and brought some employees and they took away the defective flooring.  What a waste on all accounts and this set back our timeline considerably, especially since this wood floor (and wood floor everywhere is backordered at least several weeks if not several months).  BUT, I started shopping around like crazy, and would you believe that I found the exact amount of wood flooring that we needed in a warehouse near us, that was being held for another job that had a delay on it.  This company was willing to sell us the wood and reorder for the original job, since the delay on that job was longer than it would take for the next round of wood floors to come in.  I couldn't believe our luck.  Who knows why we had to go through this, but the new floors were delivered by this company, and two guys who were football players in their youth, carried the boxes of wood flooring up our hill and into our house like they were nothing.  Will has never been more in awe of someone's strength.  He kept telling me how they lowered the boxes onto the floor of our house like they were putting a swaddled newborn baby into their crib to sleep.  So gently, and with such finesse.  And, these floors were top quality and although it was now looking like we would have to find temporary housing, at least things were still moving in the right direction.  In clockwise order from top left below: all four girls sitting on a pile of wood flooring, the start of the wood flooring in our living room, me following a trailer full of my garage office to the new house, a small example of what the first round of flooring looked like before it had to be pulled back up, and finally, the most exciting part of this past month - my garage office finally indoors.  We had wanted to wait until the flooring was in before we moved our stuff inside, but due to the delayed timeline, we had to start moving boxes in and setting it on the subfloors.  Not ideal, as we knew everything was going to have to be shuffled around as the floors were done, but we didn't have any other choice.  It was now mid to late November, and I finally had an office with heat again.

There was one point at the beginning of this month (before the wood floor fiasco) that Will almost gave up.  He was prying off a piece of wood and it smacked him in the face.  The good news was he was wearing his respirator so that the wood hit his mask and not his face.  But the bad news is the respirator then jammed on the bridge of his nose and broke it.  Not long after this, he stepped on a nail and it went through his work boot and into his foot.  He also injured a knuckle on his hand and it was swollen three times it's normal size.  He was a limping mess.  He came home from work one day and didn't go to the house.  He said his nose was hurting so bad that it was giving him a colossal headache and he was starting to get a sinus infection.  We think his nose was jammed into his skull.  The next day he went to the chiropractor who worked his magic and unjammed Will's nose.  It took several more weeks for the swelling to go down though, and he hasn't been able to wear the respirator since.  Even wearing a regular face mask at work hurt.  He was seriously starting to doubt the project that we had taken on.  This was a strange turn of events for our relationship, as usually Will is the most optimistic (and in denial, in my opinion) kind of guy you will ever meet.  I on the other hand picture the worst case scenario that could possibly happen, and then imagine it in great detail.  It was time for me to step up and be the cheerleader for Will.  Seeing him mentally broken was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with - but good for both of us.  What an amazing journey this has been for our relationship.  Not easy, but the strength and understanding it has built between us cannot be lost.  The photos below in clockwise order from top left:  Will, driving to the new house and sending me a pic when I asked how his nose was (hardly noticeable!), the garage at the new house cleared out and ready for our possessions to be moved in while we wait for the floors to be finished, the first floor bathroom floor tile finished, and finally, our new fireplace.  I will save the fiasco with the fireplace for next month's post.  To say that not a single step went easy with this house would be an exaggeration, but at times it sure felt that way.  We worked with some amazing contractors though, and their kindness through this made a big difference.

The second to last weekend in our old house, I had two main things on the moving to do list.  One was move the swing set, which I had wanted to keep up as long as possible since the kids use it daily, and the other was deconstruct our old piano as the piano movers were coming to deliver our new piano to the new house and then coming to our old house to dispose of the old piano.  The timing on finding the piano I had been searching for years was amazing - when you buy a piano from a store, delivery is included.  It is hundreds of dollars to move a piano, and so we saved this money by buying the piano in time for it to arrive at our new house.  The piano store was patient with us too, in waiting to deliver it until AFTER the new flooring was in.  When I called about the flooring set back, they moved the date back for us too.  In clockwise order from top left below: the swing set moved by myself, my brother and my dad and my brother's pick up truck, set up in our new backyard, Will striping off the pieces of wood that we want to save from our old piano, Opal playing the new to us piano at our new house, the piano movers bringing in our new piano, and finally, the piano movers, taking away our old piano to the piano graveyard.  It was very nerve wracking to watch the new piano go up the hill in our front yard, and put to shame that first wood floor company who refused to carry our floors up that hill.  Um, the piano was moved with no complaint by guys much older than the original floor delivery guys!

Now the kids practiced the piano every day at the new house, since our old piano at the old house was gone.  We also started playing in the yard at the new house instead of the old house, with our swing set and other outdoor toys there now too.  The kids got to enjoy the first snow of the season at the new house with our lovely hill and there was a point where Will and I looked at the kids playing in our expansive new yard, and then locked eyes with each other and knew that every moment of this struggle has led us to this point, and it has all been worth it.  Our kids were going to continue growing up no matter where we lived, but in this lovely and huge yard, they would have so much more space and freedom to do so.

Will's mom played with the girls in the first snow while Will, his dad and I worked in the house, and they built snowmen and took sled rides down the hill.  Memories were made and it really did seem like that first snow really made the house feel like ours.  There is something to be said about snowmen in your yard, built by your own children, to make a house feel like home.

October, 2021

Despite accepting an offer on our house the week that we listed it, the sale was not moving fast at all.  Our appraisal came in for way under the value of our house and so we had to wait for another appraisal.  This set the sale of our house back for weeks.  The buyers also tested our attic for asbestos and got the same results we got when we bought the house eleven years prior - that there was no asbestos detected, but a tiny asterisk stating that no test is fool proof and 0.05% could be there, which was enough for the buyers to demand that we pay the very expensive cost of asbestos removal or they would walk away.   This was an emotional roller coaster and every single day found us waiting on pins and needles.  The sale of our house should have never taken as long as it did, but looking back on it now, I can see that God was at work.  We closed on our new house the very same morning we sold our current house.  We ended up paying the entire asbestos removal price to the buyers, but they ended up allowing us to rent our house from them for up to 60 days after the sale while we tried to find our next house.  And, since we bought a fixer upper that was not yet livable, the fact that we sold our house the same day we bought the next one gave us the maximum number of days for us to get the next house livable before we were homeless. 

But oh, the pain of obtaining a brand new mortgage when you were only three grand away from paying off your last mortgage.  From the start of our 22 year relationship together, Will and I have been motivated to become 100% debt free and retire before 50 so we could pursue more balanced work without the pressure of working to pay bills.  Buying only used cars, making most of our food at home, gladly clothing our kids in mostly hand me downs, and Will and I both having side hustles - him with an electrician, both of us with our honey business, and me with my Etsy business.  We would have had our current house paid off in only two more months.  We had been counting down for that moment since we bought the house almost twelve years ago.  If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for sure!  BUT, that being said, our careful financial planning is how we are able to afford our current crisis.  Yes, we are starting from zero again, but starting from a negative number would have been way worse.  At least we had the financial flexibility to take on this fixer upper of a house and to deal with the health problems from our last house.  I wish that we were currently enjoying the freedom that comes from having no mortgage or car payments and the feeling of security that zero debt can give you.  But the truth of the matter is, we are all just one crisis away from homelessness.  There is no such thing as security.  It is very humbling to realize that you can't live life with zero risk.  And so, here we are, humbly grateful to have a home, and to know that things could have worked out way worse.

We had a fall family photo shoot planned weeks ago with our friend who is a photographer.  It just so happened to fall on the day we bought and sold our houses.  Talk about timing!  I messaged our photographer to possibly reschedule and she suggested we use our new backyard for the photos.  It couldn't have turned out better.  It made the bittersweet day end with pure joy, as our sweet photographer of many years brought with her a feeling of celebration and love as she took our photos.  Leading up to a photo shoot is always stressful as I try to coordinate six people's outfits and honor each family member's style and preferences.  But every single photo session we have had with my friend is always an experience of love and family bonding.  It's like a pause in time, that reveals to just how amazing the gifts of my family are to me, and how grateful I am to be a part of this family that Will and I have built.  And knowing that the photos literally capture this moment makes it all the more special.  I will forever be grateful to our friend for playing such a magical role in the start of many great moments and memories in our new home.  Here we are below in clockwise order from top left on the first full day we owned our new house: Lucy and Emma camping out in the driveway, Violet and Opal taking a break from running up and down the hill, our friend Glen and his amazing mold canine, Molly, Will carrying out an expansive set of vertical blinds as part of the beginning stages of demo, Will taking a break from demo for a photo, and finally, the first of four dumpsters needed to gut this house.

We had a mold and asbestos company through the house before we purchased it, and testing revealed there was asbestos flooring and ceiling tiles in the basement which fortunately we were able to have the cost of that removal taken off the price of the house (we totally realize the irony of this situation).  There was mold found as well on the basement wall where a basement window had been left open to idiotically vent the dryer.  Come to find out, that basement window was open for the six years that the previous home owner lived there.  The home inspector believed that this was a situational mold, and not an indicator of a systematic problem.  We also knew prior to purchasing the house that the first floor bathroom floor was rotted due to a slow toilet leak and needed to be replaced - and that too was taken off the purchase price.  We could assume there was mold there too.  We cautiously moved forward with the purchase of the house and decided that until remediation took place, only Will would go into the house, and only with a full respirator.  When demo began, we found more mold and the good news is, because every single wall and room got completely torn out, we were able to take care of each mold spot 100%.  The only way I could see the progress though was through photos.  To give you an idea of the stench in this house, when Will ripped out the original wood flooring it was revealed to us that the subfloor was saturated in what we can only guess was dog poop and pee.  When Will came home from working at the house, even his clothes and hair smelled of this odor, it was that strong.  

The girls and I did everything we possibly could to help that didn't involve going into the house.  We shopped and picked out tile, fireplace brick, flooring, plywood, electrical supplies - you name it.  I coordinated with contractors and trouble-shooted when problems arose with them.  Sometimes Will was on FaceTime with me as I scanned an aisle in Home Depot for the exact thing he needed.  I had Will measure the windows for me so I could begin sewing curtains for the house.

I had high anxiety, not being able to go into the house and having to trust that Will was taking care of any mold he found during demo in a careful manner.  Will is not known for his attention to detail when it comes to dirt, mold or cleaning.  It is just not his talent.  I am OCD, anxious, and meticulous when it comes to potential mold.  This was a test in trust for our relationship and I can't help but think that this situation played out for us both to grow together as a couple.  Will also had doubts about my decorating choices, as the below conversation reveals:

    Me: ***trying to figure out how to decorate an entire house on a budget, spending hours and hours.***

    Will: I don't like tinker thread.

    Me: What?

    Will: That painted burlap stuff.

    Me: Ticking stripe?

    Will: Yeah, ticking stripe.

    Me: ***Making a mental note to tone down the stripes, but still deciding to keep some.***

I spent so much time online finding fabric that I liked at inexpensive prices for window treatments, flooring, tile, paint colors and also searching for furniture on Facebook Marketplace.  Part of what we loved about the house we sold is that we had over the years built all of our dressers and bookshelves into the walls.  So, we were starting from scratch on dressers and shelves for the next house.  Furniture everywhere was backordered a minimum of six months, and the price tag on it was not conducive to our budget.  So I started finding what we would need on Facebook Marketplace and auction sites.  This led to a lot of driving and an unfortunate mishap as well.  I found a beautiful French Provincial dresser for the girls' room at an estate sale an hour away and even relied on the goodness of strangers to help me load it up since Will couldn't spare a second away from the house renovations.  Driving home I started to have serious allergies.  By the time I got home, I had a full on anaphylactic reaction.  This dresser had a serious odor and I was seriously allergic to it.  What a waste of gas, my very limited time, and the price of the dresser.  I was so frustrated.  Will did a thorough HEPA filter vacuum of our car and I drove with the windows down for weeks.  Who even knows what was on/in that dresser, but I can only guess mold.  After that experience, I opted to stop all used furniture buying and bought each girl her own plastic three drawer organizer to use until our budget could afford new furniture.  My levels of stress during this past month were so very high. In the photos below in clockwise order from top left: an upset-at-having-to-unpack-the-dishwasher daughter dropped an entire stack of glasses on the counter that shattered everywhere and I almost had a nervous breakdown from this (the glass that broke the mother's back, and as I told this daughter, if she hadn't of used up all of my energy with her whining about unpacking the dishwasher, I might have had the mental capacity to handle the ensuing glass disaster), the girls standing next to our new 60-day paper chain to help us comprehend how much time we had left in our beloved house, the dresser that almost killed me, a sign I found at the local craft store that spoke to me - complete with pine trees like our new house has, and finally, a particularly rough day where I kept wondering why the tea I was sipping had no flavor.  I think the tea says it all.

We bought the new house on October 4th, and starting October 5th, I got to experience what it is like to be a single parent and Will got to experience what having two full time jobs is like.  Every single day after work, Will went straight to the new house to work on it.  Every single weekend he got up before the sun and worked on the house until he came home and crashed into bed (after a shower of course because he came home absolutely filthy from working on the house).  For the next sixty days, this was going to be our reality.  Our hope was to be able to have the new house move in ready when our lease expired on December 4th at our current house.  We knew this would take a miracle, but we were going to definitely try.  Everything we needed was on backorder, and every single contractor had a booked schedule.  Some took pity on us and moved their projects around to help us out, but others we just had to wait for.  We thought that as long as the walls and floors were done as well as at least one bathroom, we could move in.  So that was our plan, and we have never worked harder in our life to make that happen.  The girls were a huge help (despite the one grumpy dishwasher unloading mishap), and I think all six of us grew and matured as we tackled the shared goal of making a new home for us.  

Here are the girls below in clockwise order from top left: Lucy reading in her absolute favorite spot - the front porch swing and what she will miss the most about our current house, Violet and Opal snuggling in the backyard, and Emma, Violet and Opal with a leaf maze they raked in the backyard.

Lots of inside play happened too.  In clockwise order from top left below: Violet with a giant snowflake she made, Opal putting on a show, Opal playing with Play Doh, Violet using noise canceling headphones and iTunes on our iPad to pretend to be a DJ, Violet and Opal hosting another drawing shop, Emma with ice packs rubber banded on to her ankles (I do not remember what injury sparked this), and finally, Emma and Violet making rubber band bracelets.

In the below photos, I let the girls pick out mini pumpkins at Trader Joe's.  When we got home, Opal told me, "These pumpkins are so cute!  I just want to squeeze their chubby little cheeks!"

The following conversation with Opal has become family legend as I type this five months later.  It went something like this:

    Mom: We got a new kind of hot dog tonight!

    Opal: Noooo!  I'm not going to eat it!

    Mom:  Just try one bite.

    Opal: Noooooo!

    Mom: One bite and if you don't like it, you don't have to eat any more.

    Opal: Okay, fiiiiine.  ***takes a bite of bratwurst***

    Mom: So, how do you like it?

    Opal: Fiiiine.  I love it.

    Mom: You are my foodie.

Now even Opal has joined in the fun of this legend, and a favorite responses to give someone when you are feeling reluctant, but know it will be good is "Fiiiine.  I love it."

In the above photos, we found Charlie snuggling on the blanket that my neighbor brought over to stay warm as we sipped tea and watched our girls play.  I will miss our tea chats and I know Charlie will miss the blanket.  In the bottom, lefthand photo above we found our neighbor's cat taking a nap in our rhubarb and he looked so cute.  Our neighbor's cat, Otis, always tried to make friends with Charlie, but Charlie never returned the sentiment.  It is sad to know that they will never have the chance now since we are moving.  In the below photos, we are spending time with friends in outdoor, COVID safe environments: my friend Krista and I in an open air barn decorating gorgeous pumpkins, Violet and Opal coloring with our neighbor who Violet is going to miss so much, and finally, Emma, Violet and Opal playing with friends in the driveway.

We met other friends at the cider mill and had gorgeous weather while we made golden memories, and we also hosted a weekly yoga class in our backyard.

We celebrated Will's birthday this past month and because he had to take a few days off from work for the house demo, he went to work and then we all went to the pumpkin patch when he got home to still keep the day feeling special and out of the ordinary.

Growing up, Halloween was Will's favorite holiday and he said it made his birthday month all the better.  Here he is below, carving pumpkins with the girls.

Lucy was a woman from the Renaissance, Emma was Hermione Granger, Violet was a bag of Jelly Bellies and Opal was a black kitty cat.  It was bittersweet to trick or treat for the last time with our neighbors in our beloved neighborhood and it turned into a goodbye tour, as I said goodbye to all of the neighbors.  Chatting with the neighbors took longer than collecting candy and at one point I lost the group but Opal ensured that Will came back to look for me.  I've never seen her so concerned about my well-being before, since she is 100% a daddy's girl!

October was filled with excitement and perseverance and patience and hard, hard work.  We found beauty, we found moments of humor, and we found out that each of us were stronger than we ever knew.  Below in clockwise order from top left: a leaf mandala I made in our driveway, food that Emma packed for Will who was known to skip eating while he worked at the new house, our lovely October garden making me sad to leave it, our wildflower meadow also looking so pretty, and finally, the reality of a garage office - sometimes a stink bug gets smooshed when you use the printer. 

I am so glad that we got to have one last full season with our gardens, and appreciate them to their fullest as we said our goodbyes.  I also have a new appreciation for single parents missing a co-parent.  Taking Violet twice a week to vision therapy that was a 40 minute drive one way, all of the doctor and dentist appointments, all of the meals and grocery shopping and cleaning - it is a lot for one parent.  Not to mention the daily wear and tear of dealing with four small humans' emotions, opinions, and needs.  My kids stepped up to the plate and helped so well but at the end of the day, you just miss sharing the load with another adult.  I knew it was temporary, but it was exhausting just the same.  With the end of October we were half way through this marathon, and that gave us both courage to continue, and some panic that we were nowhere close to moving in.  What a process this has been, and it's not over yet!