Getting Ready for Violet

This past week Violet reached the point in pregnancy that we lost Luke.  This significance has made me extra emotional and worried about my youngest daughter, and unfortunately, until Violet is safe and breathing in my arms, my anxiety is in a constant battle between worry and faith.  Fortunately, Violet is fairly predictable in her movements and seems to be on the same schedule as her older sisters.  She wakes up a little bit after Lucy and Emma each morning and gives me plenty of reassuring wiggles, kicks and squirms and also moves around whenever the girls are exhibiting lots of energy.  She has already shown me that she shares a love of all music from the movie Frozen, just like her older sisters, and will move around like crazy whenever "Let it Go" is being sung by Lucy and Emma.

Lucy and Emma are very loving towards Violet, and most stickers that they receive or pictures that they draw are given promptly to their baby sister.  My belly has become like a bulletin board of Big Sister Love.  Violet is also right at their lip level, and so receives multiple kisses throughout the day.  Lucy and Emma have been with me to every doctor appointment for Violet, and have been really well behaved and patient.  Will's work schedule has made it difficult for him to come to all of my appointments for Violet like he did for Lucy and Emma, but he has made it to a couple, thanks to snow days and school breaks.  In the bottom picture below the girls helped me be brave for a blood test for Violet.  I have a serious phobia of needles, so it was good for me to have the girls there to keep me distracted and to show them an example of me being brave.

I am having epic swelling with this pregnancy, and as a result my feet ache like crazy.  Will is good at many things, but foot rubs are not one of them.  I don't know if he is trying to do a horrible job on purpose so that I stop asking him for a foot massage, or if he just doesn't realize the strength in his own hands.  Either way, his foot massages feel like he is trying to break every bone in my foot.  In the below picture Lucy is giving Will a lesson on proper foot massage using doll house strollers for assistance.

In the beginning of this pregnancy with Violet I could only stomach Wendy's Junior Bacon Burgers (hold the cheese) and because we don't eat fast food in our family, I had to wait until Will was home to covertly go through the drive-thru kid-free and sit alone in the parking lot while devouring the heavenly food.  Sometimes Will would even pick it up for me on his way home from work if he was coming home after the girls were in bed.  Fortunately this phase was over by Christmas time.  I also had a short stint of craving meatballs, but that soon ended when the heartburn made consuming meatballs too uncomfortable.  A spin off from the meatball craving was several months of searching for a certain flavor of Italian Wedding Soup which involved me calling every day a list of about ten different Italian restaurants in the area to see what their soup of the day was.  I found a restaurant about a half hour from our house which made a delicious Italian Wedding soup once a week and then finally found a Coney Island right by our house that served it every. single. day.  After several weeks of having Will bring home pints at a time of the yummy soup it seemed I had finally satisfied that craving.  I've moved on to Philly cheesesteak sandwiches from a local sandwich shop (which ironically doesn't give me heartburn), as well as marshmallows in hot chocolate and s'mores, with the hot chocolate and s'mores merely providing a vehicle in which to eat the marshmallows.  Rice crispies and milk with fresh fruit have been a good snack no matter the time of day throughout most of my pregnancy and my latest craving is for fruit smoothies.  Here are the girls below helping me to make s'mores for an afternoon snack.  It is frustrating sometimes that I have to share my cravings or worse, delay them, because either they aren't healthy or it's just too expensive to have to purchase or make them for the girls too.  This is a newer problem for me, as when I was pregnant with Emma, Lucy was still taking naps and young enough to not notice if my breath smelled like, say, chocolate or bacon.  

Speaking of naps.  Most days Emma does not take naps, so I have had to get creative in how I manage to get rest time in for myself.  Let's just say resting is pretty much nonexistent unless the TV is involved.  This has been the most physically exhausting and challenging pregnancy yet and either I am feeling my age, my body has done this four times now and is worn out, or it is a trifecta of age, worn out body, and taking care of two kids under the age of five.  It is probably all of the above.  It also doesn't help that with Will's full work schedule and evening college classes that I am lacking the level of support he used to provide during my last three pregnancies as well.  Something has to give, and fortunately we are able to afford someone to come in and clean the house, and have also had to lessen our standards on healthy eating.

I have high hopes of getting back in the kitchen on a more serious level once our life has adjusted to little Violet's arrival, but in the meantime have utilized various weekends to make some meals in bulk and stash them in the freezer for our transition.  Stuffed Green Pepper soup, pumpkin pies, chicken pot pies, Italian meatballs, beef chimichangas and a variety of muffins are currently chilling in our downstairs freezer.  I do miss all of the pancakes and waffles I used to have the energy to make for breakfast, as well as the various desserts I used to make as nothing quite compares to my own baked goods.  In the meantime, eating baking chocolate chips straight from the bag and an occasional grocery store baked good has had to suffice.

Violet is arriving into a family well-versed in little girls and as a result, needs very little in the form of material possessions to make her debut.  I still want to make things special just for her though, and made a french memory board to hang in her bedroom just like I did when I was pregnant with Lucy and Emma.  The girls helped me pick out the fabric and buttons which also made this project special for their baby sister.

This past week we moved Emma out of the nursery and into Lucy's room.  Here is Will below setting up the crib for Violet.  I can't tell you how excited I was the day we prepared Violet's room - it made her arrival very real and definitely ignited the nesting hormones in me.

Below is Violet's room, ready to go.  We kept the same paint color and decor as Emma had, with lacey butterfly valance curtains and varying shades of purple butterflies on the walls.  This was definitely a perk of having another baby the same gender as her older sister.  Not that I don't mind decorating, but I loved Emma's room and am happy to be able to continue to use it!

Perhaps my favorite perk of having another girl though, is the fact that I get to relive the memories I have attached to all of the adorable baby clothes from Lucy and Emma.  I have so much sentimental attachment to their outgrown clothes that I feel very blessed to be able to see another child grow up wearing them.  Seriously, this is my favorite perk of all.  I kept with our tradition of buying Violet a brand new outfit to come home from the hospital in, and Lucy and Emma helped me pick it out.  Unfortunately, the three of us couldn't narrow it down, so we bought three outfits with the added security of at least one outfit being able to handle any sort of weather early May in Michigan might bring.

It is amazing all of the clothes we have passed down from Lucy and Emma, and my nesting hormones were in overdrive as I sorted, washed and folded all of the tiny little outfits.  I cannot wait until Violet adds her own personality to the memories I have attached to these sweet little outfits.

Last on our list of things to get done before Violet's arrival was to find a car seat combination that would fit in our five person car.  One would think that a five person car should obviously fit five people.  The truth is that most five person cars fit only two car seats max and it took some very creative detective work for us to be able to find a solution to having three kids in car seats in one back seat.  Lucy is big enough now to sit in a booster seat which is good, as they are generally smaller than full car seats.  The problem then became that the other two car seats were so tight together that she couldn't reach her hands between the car seats to get to the buckle.  Our uncle gave us the money saving tip of getting seat belt extenders from the dealership, which solved that problem.  Next, we got two car seats that are the thinnest models made, and they fit without an inch to spare.  I'm relieved that we don't have to go buy a new car to fit our kids safely into a vehicle, however I really feel like these car seat companies need to get it together and do a better job making streamlined car seats!

When Will took the old car seats out of the car to put the new combo in, we realized with some shock that our car was absolutely filthy.  Our car was so dirty that removing one car seat and setting it on the driveway let loose what had to of been at least a full box of stale cheerios, cheesy bunny crackers, raisins, broken crayons and God knows what else.  After making statements like, "Who lives like this?!?" and "Have our kids eaten any of the snacks we have given them?" it occurred to us that the last time we really vacuumed out the car was right before Emma was born!  I guess the only incentive we have to clean out the car is bringing home a precious, vulnerable newborn.  Either way, our car is now shiny and clean, Violet's car seat is snugly in place and we are looking forward to bringing our third daughter home with us!

Everything is ready for our sweet Violet short of buying a box of newborn diapers and packing a bag for the hospital.  I have been compiling a list on my phone of all of the things I am excited about doing again in the newborn phase with Violet to help outweigh my negative, fear-ridden thoughts with positive, happy thoughts.  Many well-meaning people keep pointing out that she will be here before I know it, and a month will go by so fast, but unless you have lost a baby, there is no way for me to describe enough for you to understand what it is like to be the only person on the planet who can ultimately tell if Violet is okay in my belly or not.  It is nerve wracking and this last month of pregnancy takes as long as the first eight months in my opinion.  Once you experience tragedy, you know all too well that you are NOT immune to it.  For me, there is no denying that something bad could happen, and I feel like I have already tempted fate too many times by having two healthy baby girls on earth.  How can I expect fate to let me have a third?  Because of this, I feel like each subsequent pregnancy after losing Luke has gotten harder, not easier, as I try to convince myself that the other shoe doesn't have to drop.  Luke, Lucy, Emma and Violet are definitely the greatest learning experiences I have ever had in patience, faith and ultimately letting go.  I am so very blessed and grateful to have my three girls on earth and I am praying to God every moment of the day and night to keep Violet safe so that she arrives healthy into my awaiting arms.  Violet, you are loved so much and we cannot wait until we can cover you in kisses, feel your warmth as we hold you in our arms, whisper in your ear sweet baby talk, drink in the fresh, newborn scent of you and gaze upon your beautiful face.