It's a GIRL!!!

We had our 18 week ultrasound this afternoon, and found out that Baby T Three is a HEALTHY baby GIRL!!! We are so relieved and grateful to know Baby T Three is healthy, and we are on cloud nine knowing Baby T Three is a SHE! To be honest, I was convinced that this little one was a boy, and in fact have been referring to him - er, her - as a him for quite some time. It is still sinking in that we are in fact having another girl. Driving home from the ultrasound the conversation went something like this...

Me: "We're having a girl!"

Will: "A girl!"

Me: "A girl!"

Will: "We're having a girl!"

Pause...

Will: "Well, we have all the clothes, and all the toys for a girl so this should be relatively inexpensive."

Me: "We'll have to buy stock in Kotex pads, that's for sure."

Will: "Wha-wha-what? I never thought of that!"

Pause...

Will: "And then there's paying for weddings..."

Pause...

Will: "I am no longer going to be third in command in my own house."

Me: "Nope. You will be fourth!"

Will: "Three against one."

Yet another pause...

Will: "Well, you forget that I have Luke on my side, and you can't argue the fact that my team member has some serious strings he can pull in Heaven for me."

Me: "True."

Will: "It's going to be an est-fest, isn't it."

Me: "Is that a question or a statement?"

Will: "I think I need to get an outdoor hobby."

Silence.

The funny thing is, Will has told me all along that he thinks we are having a girl, and has even told me that he would love to have a house full of girls. I think the reality of that wish is starting to hit him. All I know is these girls are the luckiest girls around to have Will as their dad. Another confession, I am dealing with a strange mix of sadness and joy at the news of a little girl. I think I was hoping for a boy so that I could have a connection with my little guy in heaven. I know in my mind that no boy or girl could ever replace Luke, but in my heart it felt like the gaping hole that was left when Luke went to heaven could at least get a well fitting band-aid if Baby T Three was a boy. I cry at weddings during the mother/son dance, and wistfully watch mothers have sweet interactions with their little boys. My mind knows that even if I were to someday have another son, that I would still probably cry during the mother/son dance at weddings and wistfully watch sweet moments between mothers and sons because I would still never know how it would feel to have those with Luke. But my heart believes that a son would make a tiny bit of that hurt go away. With Lucy, I knew that I needed a girl because I wasn't emotionally strong enough to have another boy so soon after Luke. It would have been difficult to separate my hopes and dreams for Luke with my hopes and dreams for his little brother. But now I do feel like I am in an emotionally stronger place, and that I am ready for another boy. God's plan is infinitely better than any I could come up with though, and I am now switching my train of thought from boys to girls. Another girl! Who knew! Certainly not me!

We took Lucy to the ultrasound this afternoon which may or may not have been a good idea. She freaked out as soon as I laid down on the table and was screaming so loudly she kept forgetting to breath. Will had to remove her from the room, and thus missed the first half of the ultrasound. He brought back a slightly calmer child, and we got her through the rest of the exam by feeding her animal crackers and singing "Happy Tappin' With Elmo". There is no shame when you are trying to keep your toddler from throwing a public fit. It did work out in the end though, because once Lucy calmed down, she realized that there was a baby on the screen and was all eyes and ears then. She pointed out the baby's hand, feet, toes, and then asked us if the baby had thumbs. This isn't as odd sounding as you think, as this week she just discovered the word thumb, and that she has two. A couple of days ago she was concerned that her Uncle Johnny didn't have thumbs. Fortunately, we were visiting him later that day and she was able to see first hand that he did in fact have thumbs. I think she finally understands that there is a baby in my tummy. We had up-talked the ultrasound all day in hopes of avoiding any tantrums, and she was super excited to go to the 'hop-tal' to see the 'bee-bee'. She kept saying "Bee-bee. Back." and would then point to her back. It gave me chills each time she did it, and I couldn't help but wonder if somehow she had picked up on Will's and my thoughts and worries about whether or not Baby T Three was healthy. I really don't ever recall telling Lucy that Luke had spina bifida, or anything about a 'boo-boo' on his back, but who knows. She seems very intuitive about certain things, and the entire point of the ultrasound for Will and I was to see first hand that our Baby T Three had a healthy spine. Thank you God, Baby T Three is a healthy baby girl!

So that's my story, and I'm signing off as a mother-to-be of another little girl!