Emma at 19 Months

Emma's favorite thing to say this month is definitely, "I on help!"  Meaning, I wanna help! She wants to help with zippers, picking out her own clothes, pouring water, drinking her juice, cutting her food, etc.  If we try to do something for her, she will say, "Nonononononono".  I have put her desire to help to good use, as Emma has discovered the thrill of illustrating vertical canvases.  Here she is below washing the wall that I caught her scribbling on with pencil.

And here both Lucy and Emma are "helping" to wash off the chairs they colored in with chalk while I was getting adjusted at our chiropractor's office.

Next on the popular phrase list this month would have to be "I on see!"  Translated, "I want to see!"  Anything Lucy has, Emma wants to see.  Up until this point, Emma was the laid back sister.  Now, Lucy has her work cut out for her.  Emma has become quite competitive and has even resorted to biting to get her way.  Right now Lucy is sporting a bruise on her back that showcases all twenty of Emma's teeth.  Will confided in me that if he was Lucy, he would be very afraid.  It hasn't slowed Lucy down though, and I come running when I hear Lucy shout, "Emma, no biting!"  Emma also likes to say "I on see" when I change her diaper, when Lucy is sitting on the potty, and when I wipe her nose.  Along those same lines, she has become fascinated with toe jam.  I have capitalized on her new interest in the fuzz between her toes when I change her diaper, as it is the only thing that gets her to hold still.

The sibling rivalry has been pretty rough this past month and drains my energy like nothing else.  Now I understand what my mom meant when she insisted all she really wanted for Christmas was for her kids to get along.  Truly, that's all I want for Christmas, and I want it to last for longer than five minute stretches!  Don't be fooled by the below pictures of them getting along.

Despite Emma's new competitive streak, she is still a sweetie.  She has gotten really good at saying "I yuv you" this month.  She says it in a soft, high pitched voice that melts my heart every time.  Especially when she says, "Hi, mama.  I yuv you."  Here she is below looking oh so sweet for her 18 month portraits that we had taken a month late.

If you ask Emma what her favorite song is, she will most likely say "Doodle Dandy".  If you ask her what her favorite color is, she will probably say, "Purple!"  A couple of Sundays ago we arrived at church late and had to sit in the front row where the only remaining open seats were left.  There were flowers on the alter in front of us that were purple and Emma spent the entire service pointing and yelling "PURPLE!"  No amount of shushing would deter her excitement of seeing her favorite color on display for all to see.  Here she is below wearing one of her favorite shirts because it is purple.

Emma has been suffering from acid reflux again this month.  Sleep has become harder and harder to come by for the entire family and she is getting more miserable as the days go by.  We have an appointment scheduled with the pediatric gastrologist this coming month which can't come soon enough.  Ironically, just days before the reflux symptoms started showing up she had her 18 month well visit at the pediatrician's which she passed with flying colors.  Here she is below looking cute in the tiny gown, waiting to see the doctor.

The below picture was taken before she started having tummy issues.  I wouldn't dare risk waking her up with a picture now!

We are blaming her recent picky eating on her tummy troubles too.  Fortunately this time around she has a bit more chunk on her to see her through, but it is still difficult to not make her special meals when all she will eat lately are hot dogs, apples and cheerios.  The other day we were driving home from running errands when we started talking about getting hot dogs at Coney Island for dinner.  Will was eating something in the front seat and reached back to give Lucy a taste.  Emma of course wanted a taste too, so Will reached back with a couple of crumbs on his finger for Emma to taste.  It was then I heard a yell so loud I almost ran the car off the road.  Emma had bit down on Will's finger so hard it drew blood.  As Will nursed his wound in the front seat, Emma started crying and saying "hot dog" in the back seat.  The moral of the story - never talk about hot dogs while offering your finger to Emma.  She must have thought Will's finger was a hot dog!

Finally, I need to note that Emma has gone vertical in more than just her artwork.  She is climbing on everything.  Life was so much easier before she decided to scale furniture, counter tops and window ledges.  I found her on top of the stove the other day and couldn't stop thanking God that it was off.  I feel like my sole job is to just keep Emma alive, and Lucy from being bitten.  Add that to all of the other challenges we have going on this month makes for one tired mama.  But when I kiss those squishy cheeks of hers, and she wraps her arms around my neck and says, "Hi mama.  I yuv you," it definitely makes it all worth it.  I yuv you too my little bean sprout!

Great Grandpa J

As many of you know, Will's grandpa passed away unexpectedly this past week of a massive heart attack.  We are still trying to wrap our minds around the fact that he is gone.  How can someone who has been there for every single baseball game, birthday, baptism, anniversary, barbecue, holiday and regular, every day visits be gone just like that?  How can someone who has made one of the biggest influences on Will's life just be gone?  The fact that Will had his grandfather in his life for thirty two years is a huge blessing in itself.  But how do you come to terms with the fact that his smiling face will no longer be a part of what makes a family get together familiar, fun and special?

Life can and does change in an instant.  One moment everything is as you have always known, and the next moment comes and life will never be the same again.  Grandpa's passing came at an already challenging time for us.  Will has been dealing with a 'stuck' kidney stone for almost a month now and has been in and out of the hospital for procedures and surgeries with no end in sight still.  He has had to figure out how to go to work, be a father and a husband with a tube in his kidney, pain and anxiety about when the ugly stone will try to move again.  I have been trying to figure out how to keep him comfortable and manage the girls and the household as a single parent.  I was struggling with the injustice of it all, how hard life is and how seemingly unfair our lot seems to be as of late.  And then one phone call put it all into perspective.  Grandpa is gone.  Life as we know it will never be the same.  Kidney stones?  What kidney stones.

I think it is safe to say that someone who has made such an impact on our lives can never just be gone.  Every time Will listens to a Tiger's game on the radio, he will remember summer nights on his grandpa's porch, listening to the ballgame together.  Each time he turns on his table saw or runs the sander on his latest and greatest project, he will remember the man who taught him how to work with his hands.  Even something as simple as paying cash and knowing the exact amount of change due back to him before the cashier counts it out in his hand - he will remember his Grandpa.  I will never forget that from the moment I met Grandpa twelve years ago, he always made me feel like one of his own grandchildren.  His proud and happy smile when he saw me, his interest in my life and his great love for my children.  I will forever be grateful to him for adopting me as his own, and for influencing my husband so greatly.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Grandpa...

At Lucy's baptism...

 Emma's baptism...

Here he is below with his family this past Father's Day. Four of his five children, seven of his eight grandchildren (counting me of course with the eighth, and oldest grandchild living in Arkansas), two of his three great grandchildren and his wife of over sixty years.  His family was his life.  Now he is up in heaven with one of his five children,  Paul who passed away when he was two, his great grandson Luke and his parents, siblings, aunts and uncles that have gone before him.  I can only imagine how happy he was to be reunited with his son and to meet his first great grandchild.  Speaking for my own son, Luke is so lucky to have him there as he is the kind of grandfather most kids dream about but few are blessed enough to have.

Here he is below with Grandma on their 60th wedding anniversary.  They took great care of each other, and my heart breaks every time I think about Grandma without Grandpa.  As Lucy pointed out to me, "Grandpa is in heaven and grandma is on earth.  It just doesn't make any sense mom.  That just doesn't make sense."

And here Grandpa is with his great granddaughters.  His entire face would light up when he spent time with them.

Finally, here is a Christmas tradition that will be greatly missed.  When Will was younger, his grandpa would dress up as Santa for Will's mom's preschool class.  Will would stop by and sit on Santa's lap.

When Grandpa got older, Will took over the job of Santa, and Grandpa got to sit on his lap!

Thank you for being the best grandpa and great grandpa we could ever ask for.  Words cannot do justice for how irreplaceable you are.  We love you and miss you and look forward to the day when we will all be together again in heaven.

My Love Bugs

We hope everyone had a happy Halloween!  This mama is smiling but exhausted!  It is a lot of work pulling off memorable holidays for the kiddos.  We went to several different Halloween events this year and the girls had fun each time wearing their costumes.

Here are the girls below after trick or treating two weekends ago at our town's Main Street.  We had a spaghetti dinner afterwards at the fire station with friends which was packed but fun.

Then, last weekend I took the girls trick or treating at our town's farmer's market while Will was laid up in the hospital nursing kidney stones.  We had been talking about trick or treating at the farmer's market all summer so I felt like I needed to keep our promise and take them.  It was a lot of work getting them in their multiple layers of clothing and packing them up in the car by myself, but it was definitely worth it. It was cold but very sunny and I couldn't stop beaming with pride as my sweet little insects said "trick or treat" and "thank you" to each of the vendors.  They made out at the farmer's market with local, organic apples, candy and a free pumpkin for each of them.

 Here Emma is taking a break in the sunshine.

 Here is my beautiful butterfly, climbing the stairs as we left the farmer's market.

And here they are, allowing me to take their picture so that I could show Daddy later in the hospital.

Neither of the girls liked the feel of the pumpkin on their hands but our chickens are definitely enjoying the pumpkin guts!

 Here are my little insects, ready to go out for a night of trick or treating!

 They weren't phased by the cold or the rain but Will and I found ourselves counting down the houses.  You know it's miserable when Will said, "okay, good, only three houses left".  Granted, he was limping around with a giant kidney stone and a tube in him.  Poor guy.  He's resting now, and very glad he was able to come along.

 Lucy, hugging her candy bag.

 Emma was frightened by a giant Gumbi passing out candy and a skeleton that reached it's arms out towards her on someone's front porch.  After that she only wanted Daddy so despite the doctor's orders, Will carried her around on his shoulders.

 Here's Lucy sorting her candy.  Phrases I overheard her saying included, "I'm swimming in candy!" and "Ooooh, I just did a candy burp.  Delicious!"

 Here is Emma eating M&M's on her tummy.  Emma's favorite candy includes M&M's and Whoppers.  Lucy's include Laffy Taffy and M&M's.

We had fun despite the cold and rainy weather and hope you did too!  Happy Halloween!

Thankful for Emma at 18 Months

At eighteen months, Emma is a cuddly, sweet, silly, and adventurous girl.  I am happy to say that last month's tantrums seem to have simmered down a bit for now, although we are still laughing when they do occur.  Here she is below, upset that we told her she couldn't go to bed with her necklaces on.

She finally has all of her one year old teeth and her vocabulary continues to grow too.  Her newest and most used phrase this month is, "I'm hungry."

This girl eats all day long and it takes forever to go anywhere now as I literally have to pack a cooler to keep her fed.  You'd never think she could possibly be hungry with cheeks like the ones below.

When she is hungry, she will ask for two things, "apple" or "gum", which means any and all candy.  She calls pumpkins "pum pums" and when she or I am trying to make a decision, she will say, "hmmm."  Here she is below at our favorite new ice cream place downtown where she got to have "gum" on her ice cream.

Emma gets excited when she sees babies and animals and can say "birds", "mamas" which for some reason is what she calls squirrels, "woof woofs" for dogs, and "meow meows" for cats.  She still refers to our chickens as "babies".  Here she is below chasing after our baby chickens.

Emma and Lucy continue to share the bond called sisterhood, but unfortunately not the accessories.  Emma is well aware which toys are hers and which are Lucy.  If Lucy isn't around, Emma will gleefully play with all of the forbidden toys.  If Lucy catches Emma with something that belongs to Lucy, Emma will drop whatever it is and run.  Sometimes Emma decides that a toy is worth fighting for, but Lucy can usually sweet talk it out of Emma's hands with empty promises of ice cream and Elmo balloons.  It makes me feel bad for Emma but I try to stay out of it.  Lately I've noticed when we are out in public people tend to only talk to Lucy and ignore Emma.  Emma has begun to stand up for herself and will vigorously point to herself while loudly saying, "Emma.  Emma.  Emma." until the person acknowledges her.  This hurts my heart too, but also makes me proud that Emma is starting to stand up for herself.  It is also a good reminder to me to remember the younger sibling.  So often it is easy to assume they don't understand, but they really don't miss a thing.  Either way, Emma thinks that the sun rises and sets with Lucy and wants to be with "Sissie" any chance she gets.

Lucy refers to herself as "mama" when she is talking to Emma and calls Emma her daughter.  She loves to play house with Emma who usually goes along with Lucy's ideas for a little bit at least until I hear screaming.  

At that point I ask Lucy, "What is Emma trying to tell you?" and Lucy responds, "Give her some space."  My response is usually the same too: "So get off of her and let go of her hand."

Being just like Lucy is also tops on Emma's list and Emma has been asking to use the potty anytime Lucy does.

Emma's baby mullet was looking more and more scraggly this past month so I decided it was time for her first haircut.  Lucy needed a haircut too, and Lucy agreed to go first so that Emma wouldn't be scared when it was her turn.  Here Emma is below watching Lucy get her hair cut.

And here Emma is getting her first hair cut.  My baby is growing up so fast!

Her sense of adventure keeps her constantly on the move and she likes to swing in a 'big girl swing' now which is super awkward and not relaxing for me as I have to practically kneel to push her while trying to hold on to her at the same time so that she doesn't fall backwards.

She is actually driving me to an early grave.  She has fallen off the top of our slide several times this past month, but it doesn't seem to stop her as she rolls back to her feet and climbs back up again.

 

Her resilience continues to amaze me and we are now likening her to a cat with nine lives.  Emma lost one last Friday evening however when she and Lucy were jumping on the bed.  Will and I heard a thud like a stack of books hitting the floor but no crying so we thought nothing of it.  Moments later I wondered where Emma was.  It was then that I found her face down on the ground next to the bed.  I rolled her over and she stared back at me wide-eyed with her mouth open in a silent scream.  I picked her up and held her, waiting for her to catch her breath and start crying.  After several more moments of no sound, I laid her down on our bed to get a better look at her wounds.  At this point her face started turning blue and I started freaking out, yelling to Will that something was wrong.  My mind was racing, trying to figure out what could possibly be going on.  Did she break her neck or a rib when she fell and it wasn't allowing her to breathe?  No sooner did Will take her from me that she went as limp as a rag doll in his arms, and her head rolled backwards.  My worst fears were coming true - I thought she was dead.  I ran down the stairs to grab my phone which was charging in the kitchen.  I could barely speak as I talked to the 911 operator.  Will was right behind me with Emma and as I was giving her stats and our address Will began CPR on Emma.  For some reason he thought to blow in her face and it was then that she began breathing again and managed some weak cries.  The 911 operator heard her crying and told us he could still send an ambulance or we could opt to take her in to the ER to get checked out.  We decided to take her in ourselves.  Logistically though this wasn't a good idea, as we realized when it came time to put her in the car.  We had no idea what was wrong with her and she was limply hanging on to me.  I decided to hold her in my arms wrapped in a blanket as Will drove the back roads a couple of blocks north to the hospital.  After about two hours of hospital monitoring Emma woke up from the nap she was taking on me, looked at us and then looked at the nurse and said "Beep!" while holding up her little finger with the oxygen monitor taped to it.  She was fine!  The hospital diagnosis was that the fall impacted her diaphragm in just the right spot causing it to lock so that Emma couldn't breathe in or out.  She then became unconscious as a result of no oxygen.  Supposedly locked diaphragms are sometimes seen when kids throw fits too, and if it were to happen again, splashing cold water or blowing in her face usually shocks them into breathing again.  Will isn't sure why he blew in Emma's face, but we are certain it saved her life.  We went home with instructions to wake her up every two hours looking for a list of symptoms they gave us on a print out.  I didn't even bother setting my alarm.  I was up all night anyways dealing with a mixture of adrenaline, anxiety and thankfulness.

This emergency has brought up a lot of emotions from when we lost Luke and I am still trying to process it all.  I now carry with me two nightmare visuals burned into my memory - the first of the ultrasound showing Luke was gone, and now this - the sight of Emma unable to breathe with pure terror in her eyes.  Someone told me that if you replace a disturbing visual with an opposite one, eventually you will erase the negative memory from your mind.  So, in an effort to regain restful nights I have decided to try this theory out.  Some of my favorite things as a mom to Lucy and Emma are holding their hands, kissing their chubby cheeks, smelling their hair after they have played in the sun or taken a bath and seeing their excitement when I come home.  Lucy is starting to lose some of that excitement when I walk in the door but Emma still has it.  When she sees me, she says "Mama!" then drops whatever she is doing and runs at me full speed ahead to jump into my arms with a huge smile on her face.  This is the memory I hope to use to erase the other one.  In the meantime, we are very thankful for our little Emma and we are so happy to have her in our life.

When Elmo Hit the Fan

September always involves transition when Will goes back to a more traditional job.   However, I have never experienced a first day of school quite like the one this past month.  It started in the early morning hours of Will's first day of classes, after a restless night because our white noise machine, a box fan in the hallway, seemed to be on it's last leg and kept turning on and off.  At around 6 a.m. a loud, rapid and pounding noise jolted me out of bed.  Both girls started screaming from their rooms in terror as I frantically tried to figure out what was happening.  There above my head was a strange red blob being pummeled by the ceiling fan.  I ran to the light switch and turned the fan off but the noise kept happening, just at a slower and slower pace.  It was then that a smiling Elmo balloon casually floated towards me, surprisingly unhurt.  I threw the mocking monster face in the closet, slammed the door and ran to calm the girls down.  As we regained our composure I tried to figure out what had happened.  When we had gone to bed last night, Elmo was innocently floating around downstairs.  During the night he must have floated upstairs and gotten his string caught in the hallway box fan which took several hours to cut.  Once the string was completely severed, the box fan blew it's last breath and Elmo was free to float into my room and try out his luck at being a piñata in my ceiling fan.

I tried putting the girls back to bed since they normally don't get up until 7:30, but the damage was already done.  As I was helping Lucy get out of her jammies, I noticed the back of her shirt was wet.  Lucy then informed me that, "I spilled a little water in my bed."  Upon further investigation, I discovered Lucy's bedside water cup underneath her pillow and her bed and pillow soaked.

Over breakfast, Emma knocked her bowl of cheerios and milk off the table.  Milk dripped down the wall next to her chair, and found it's way into our heat register.  Deciding not to cry over wet bed sheets or spilt milk, I packed up the girls and headed to the library since it was raining outside and I needed a change of scenery.

We had a lovely time at the library.  It was nice watching the pouring rain while we were surrounded by books and cozy nooks.  Driving home however, the rain started coming down in sheets.  Parts of our street had flooded and as I pulled into our garage, grateful for the respite from the sound of pounding rain on our car's metal roof a sinking feeling hit me in the stomach.  Will had decided to get four baby chicks the week before and this was their first time in a rain storm.  Did they know to go under the coop for shelter?  Not to mention Bearded Lady, a.k.a Sickly, could only walk backwards since her illness earlier in the summer - did she make it to shelter?  I decided to leave the girls strapped in their car seats as I went behind the garage to check on the chickens. 

I grabbed an umbrella and told the girls I would be right back.  My fears were confirmed - Sickly was hunkered down in the pouring rain, while the four baby chickens ran around trying to take cover.  The make-shift coop Will had made for the babies was exactly under a wall of rain coming off the garage roof that was going directly through their coop.  I knew I had to think fast and get these five chickens out of the rain.  I ran back in the garage to find something to transport them in.  I found a cardboard box and a raccoon cage.  I had to ditch the umbrella to carry the cage and box, but no worries, those babies and Sickly had to be saved!  I picked up Sickly first, put her in the box and brought her into the garage.  At this point Lucy and Emma were done with sitting in the car and were starting to get vocal.  I told them I had to go get the babies out of the rain, and I would be right back.  

I dashed back out into the rain to the chicken run.  Let's just say that at this point, Elmo hitting the fan was nothing like the sh** I encountered while chasing after these baby chickens.  First of all, I couldn't figure out how the cage door worked.  I finally chased one chicken down, grabbed it and put it in the cage and no sooner did I turn around to chase the next chicken, the first chicken ran out of the cage.  Not to mention that the chicken run behind the garage is on a slope and we've never gotten around to putting gutters on the back of the garage so the water had formed a poop smeared slip and slide that was having no mercy on me.  Drenched and covered in chicken poop and mud I kept yelling, "I'm trying to help you!  Let me help you!!!!" at the top of my lungs to the quick and tricky little buggers.  Each time I lunged forward to catch a chicken in my hands, it got away from me.  And each time I thought I had the cage door shut, no sooner did I turn around and they had escaped.  Half an hour later I finally brought the cage with four soaked baby chickens into the garage.  

Lucy and Emma were screaming at this point but stopped dead in their vocal tracks when they saw me.

Now I had a new dilemma on my poo-smeared hands.  How do I get the girls through the rain from our detached garage and into the house without getting mud and poop on them?  One at a time I ran them through the rain, holding them under their armpits with my arms straight out in front of me.  Once they were both deposited in the house, I took the above picture to show Will the hard core proof of why I told him getting four baby chickens a week before he went back to school was a bad idea.  After my second shower of the day was complete and I finished mopping up the poop and mud tracks from the back door to the shower, I threw Lucy's wet sheets and my soaked clothes into the wash and decided a picture of me soaking wet would not be enough to prove to Will that I was right and he was wrong.  So when the rain stopped, I took more pictures to make Will get on his knees and tell me he was oh so sorry!

Don't get me wrong, I love those little baby chickens.  I feel like we have a new understanding of each other.  They seem to trust me now, and follow me around the yard so closely I'm afraid I will step on them.  I think I'm their hero.  And that's a nice feeling.  But let's not lose the point of this story - I was right and Will was definitely wrong.

I am happy to say that the transition into September improved after this.  Maybe after our wet first day back we had nowhere left to go but up.  Also knowing that this is probably one of my last falls with Lucy home with me has added a new perspective to our days together.  So, we have focused on quality time and I have tried to make an effort to not let the little things get to me - like wet sheets, spilled milk and runaway chickens.

September also has a way of making me appreciate each and every sunny day we get, and just like my count down to Lucy going to school, I know winter is right around the corner and I will miss the warmth when it is gone.  We spent a great morning at the local cider mill eating donuts, drinking juice boxes (cider in Michigan this year is $9 a gallon so I brought apple juice boxes instead), and exploring the mill's beautiful property and trails.

We've spent many mornings on walks to nowhere, but usually ended up somewhere.  There was the walk which led us to the bridge being built by our house, where we watched a construction crew weld metal retaining walls in the river below while cranes lifted large objects up into the sky.  And there were many other walks that ended us in our town's local historic cemetery.

I have always loved walking through old cemeteries and imagining the lives of the people buried there. There is something so intriguing about their names, dates and even the look of their stones.  I try to put together their stories like pieces of a puzzle.  I think Lucy and Emma love the cemetery because there is little to no car traffic and they can run and explore a wide open space without me constantly reining them back in.  Not to mention the headstones are a great learning tool for recognizing letters and even names - Lucy and Emma were popular names in the 1800's!

We also have maximized our time in the backyard, playing hide and go seek...

...and enjoying our garden.  

Carrots...

cucumbers...

rutabagas...

strawberries and raspberries better than any candy I have ever tasted...

...and more beans and beets than we know what to do with.  Here we are below with an assembly line set up to clean the ten pounds of beets we harvested.

Oh, and I can't forget this pale little moon flower I found in the garden too.

As you can see in the above picture, Lucy has a budding sense of humor.  She knew I was taking pictures of the garden and quietly posed in this picture.  I didn't realize it until I was looking at the pictures that the Brussels sprouts were planted directly in front of a rare and pale sight.  Lucy told me the other night as I was tucking her in that there are three kinds of jokes - funny jokes, silly jokes and poop jokes.  I'd say that's about right.  She catches us off guard and we laugh even though we try so hard not to.

We spent more time indoors this month than we have in a while and had fun building puzzles...

...playing house...

...and snuggling.

Lucy and Emma have been playing so well together this month.  I really love how sweet they can be with each other when they want to.

Thank goodness our month ended better than it started!  Happy Fall!