Happy 4th Birthday Luke Thomas!

Happy birthday sweet Luke!  We hope that you enjoyed your birthday in heaven today.  Lucy wants to know what kind of toys you got and if Jesus was there at your party.  This is the first year your Great Grandma Hines got to celebrate with you, and I know her being there made it extra special for you.  I hope she told you how much we love you and miss you and all about Lucy.  You know she was so proud of Lucy, and I can only imagine how proud she is of you Luke, now that she has finally met her first great grand child in heaven.

Today was tough, missing you.  This morning Lucy and I both woke up early with a stomach bug, and it kept us home all day.  By the time we were feeling better it was too late to go to the cemetery and that made me sad and grumpy.  We will go first thing in the morning though if everyone is feeling better.  By late afternoon while I was making your cake I started feeling happy again and the evening just kept getting better from there.

We made all of your favorite foods that I craved when I was pregnant with you - grilled cheese, Clausen pickles, frozen pears, sausage and roast beef.  After we had your birthday dinner, we sang you happy birthday and blew kisses to heaven while blowing out your candles.  It was hard to sing while choking on tears.  Lucy had the idea of singing extra loud so that you could hear us all the way in heaven.  She kept asking why I was crying and I asked her if she remembered how she cried when she missed me while I was in the hospital last week.  I think she is starting to understand more Luke, and she misses you too.  She took her nap today holding onto your little yellow duck stuffed animal that we got at your baby shower.  She told Dad that "Elmo just doesn't feel right today Dad, I need Luke's yellow duck."  And yes, Lucy took a rare nap today - either because it was your birthday or because she is fighting a bug.  Our lives would be so different if you were still on earth with us.  Right before bedtime, my good friend Theresa stopped by with a birthday card for you and we were able to talk with her a little bit.  That definitely helped end our day on a good note, visiting with someone who loves you and remembers you too.

As I was tucking Lucy in tonight she made me promise not to cry any more.  It looks like I'm not doing too well on that promise because I have a Kleenex stuffed up my nose as I write this.  While Lucy was falling asleep we listened to her sing "Rain Drops on Roses" over the monitor and it brought tears to both of our eyes when she sang the line, "when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad!"  Some of my favorite things are holding your Dad's, Lucy's and Emma's hands and tucking Lucy and Emma into bed at night.  I wish I had gotten to do those things with you Luke.  We also couldn't help but wonder what Lucy and Emma's life would be like if you were here too.  If we had it our way Luke, we would have been listening to you both chatting on the monitor tonight and probably would have had to come upstairs and tell you both to be quiet so you wouldn't wake up Emma.  Just hearing one little voice on that monitor made us miss you so bad Luke.  We miss you as our son, and we miss you as our daughters' brother.

After your sisters were sound asleep, your dad and I opened up your memory box.  We got to cuddle the blankets and outfits that you wore the day you were born and go through your baby book and other little things that we have kept because they remind us of you.  I always look forward to this part of your birthday and dread it at the same time.  Under normal circumstances I will avoid opening your memory box because it makes me so sad, and it is so exhausting.  But today I wouldn't miss it for the world and reliving our memories of you is worth the tears and sorrow.  I am glad that we have a tradition of doing this once a year, as difficult as it is.

Luke, today we are four years closer to seeing you again.  Lucy asked when we can go to heaven to see you, and I told her after our work on earth is done.  Your dad and I are enjoying our very important job of raising your two sisters on earth, and Lucy and Emma are busy learning about all the brutifulness that is life on earth.  So in the meantime, we will continue with our work here on earth while looking forward to the day when we can all be together again in heaven.

Lots and lots of love,
Mom, Dad, Lucy & Emma
xoxo

P.S.  Here are pictures of us celebrating your birthday as best we could without you here with us.

Here we are making the birdseed hearts.

 Dad and Lucy dropped off the birdseed hearts, your birthday card journal, and some tootsie rolls at the cemetery yesterday for any visitors to enjoy in your memory.

 They also picked up some yellow tulips in your honor to match the yellow tulip cake I baked you.

We love you and miss you Luke!

Preparing for Luke's 4th Birthday

Tomorrow is our little guy's fourth birthday.  Early this Saturday afternoon we will be dropping off some birdseed hearts  at the cemetery for visitors to hang on their trees at home in remembrance of Luke.  Feel free to leave a note in Luke's birthday card journal - it would mean a lot to us.  We'll have a pen there, as well as some tootsie rolls which I craved like crazy when I was pregnant with Luke.  Here's a picture below of me and Luke, about two weeks before he was born.

If you haven't been to the cemetery before, you can find directions at http://www.mtelliott.com/resurrection.html. Or you can follow Will's directions: upon entering the cemetery, take the tree lined entrance road until it ends. Turn right. Take this road until it ends and turn left. Go past one block. The second block on the left is where Luke is at. Go halfway up that block on the lefthand side and about five to six rows back. He is in section 23, plot 731. We have a smaller pine needle grave blanket covering Luke's grave. The cemetery is open from 7 a.m. - 4:45 p.m. daily. If you need more specifics on where Luke's plot is, you can ask at the office whose hours are from 9 a.m. - 4 p.m. on Saturday but is closed on Sunday. We will have the card there through Sunday night. Because the cemetery doesn't like any artificial decorations, the ziplock with the card, tootsie rolls and birdseed hearts will be tucked into the grave blanket just below Luke's headstone.

Thanks for all of your thoughts, prayers and love and for all of our friends and family who aren't afraid of our tears and bring up Luke's name in the sweetest ways throughout these last four years.  I aspire to be as wonderful a friend and family member as you are.

Emma's 10 Months!

To say this month has been busy would be an understatement.  As some of you already know, Emma had her first encounter with the law earlier this month when I accidentally locked her in the car.  Of course this happened on the one 12 degree day in the most unseasonably warm winter I can recall.  It was highly traumatic for both Emma and myself with nothing but a pane of glass separating her from me.  It took 35 minutes for the tow truck to come and pick the lock, but in the meantime the nice police officer kept reassuring me that this kind of thing happens all the time while he tried opening the door with an old wire hanger.  And although Emma was choking on her own tears, I think the crying kept her warm.  When I finally heard the click of the door unlock, I ripped open the door and unbuckled her faster than you can say "Mom Guilt" and found that she was actually sweating.  What a relief!  I wish that was the end of our drama for the month, but it turns out that was only the beginning.

Last week I ended up in the ER for a serious infection in my toes.  I had minor toe surgery on both of my feet the week prior and for some reason, the pain and infection seemed to get worse with each passing day.  Finally, after a week of no sleep and severe pain, I allowed my mom to take me in to the ER.  My worst fears came true when they told me that they were going to have to admit me and put me on IV antibiotics.  Emma doesn't take a bottle and we are still on a regimented nursing schedule for her weight gain issues.  How would I feed Emma?  And what kind of disease was going around in the ER that had everyone wearing face masks? To make a long story short, the Rotovirus was filling up the hospital with patients and the head of the hospital was able to get me a private room on the pediatrics floor to accommodate my crazy feeding schedule for Emma.  I was there a total of four days, and Emma adapted very well.  By the end of the first 24 hours, it felt like we had a normal routine down and Will was such a trooper transporting her back and forth for feedings.  Fortunately, the hospital I was at is so close you can see it from our house, but it was still difficult for Will with bundling Emma up, parking the car and the 10 minute walk to my room with a hungry baby.  I think Will should be awarded not only Dad of the Year, but Husband of the Year as well.  Because of his calm and fortitude, along with both of our families helping out at our house, it turned an otherwise impossible situation into something we got through.  Lucy ended up catching the Rotovirus, and as difficult as it was to not be with her when she was sick, at least I knew she was in good hands.  Words cannot express how hard it was to have Emma taken from my arms after she fell asleep nursing and listen to her screams as Will carried her away, but she seems no worse for the wear now.  Here Emma is below in my hospital room.  She loved the pictures in my room and would point and chat at them repeatedly.  She also loved the iv tubes going into my arm, as well as the iv pole and all of it's buttons which made feeding time quite stressful.

While I was gone for four days, Emma said "Mama" for the first time and popped her first top tooth.  She also learned the word "Fish", inspired by her fascination with the fish tank on the pediatric floor.  Now she points at any living thing - cat, bird, etc. and says "Fish!"  She also has become quite adept at telling us "yes" or "no" through head nods or head shakes and does baby sign language for "all done", "more", "ceiling fan" and "read a book".  She loves to point and says "see" at everything she sees and also waves while saying "Hi" whether someone is coming or going.  Emma loves music and claps her hands and bobs her head whenever she hears it.  We like to play the song, "If You're Happy and You Know It" and sit back in amazement as she claps her hands.  Here she is below playing the piano, one of her favorite things to do.  She walks up and down on her tip toes hitting the high notes, then the low notes, and then the ones in between.

Another favorite activity, new this month is clearing off the bookcase.  Here she is looking quite proud.

And here she is, taking her job of book throwing very seriously.

 Emma is still having texture issues with her food and besides store bought baby food, will only eat bananas, prunes, avocado and oatmeal without gagging.  She comes crawling lightning fast though when she hears the spoon mashing the food in the little glass bowl we serve it in.  Lucy has introduced her to the world of processed carbs (we caught her feeding Cheerios and crackers to Emma under the table).  Emma is a nutcase whenever she sees Lucy eating Cheerios for breakfast and demands to eat them too, even though they cause her to gag.  She recognizes the box on top of the fridge and pumps her legs up and down while bobbing her head to indicate she wants some.  When we walk away without fufilling her wish, she throws a fit like she is dying.

 Emma loves pushing around her little alligators and is very agile on her feet.

 She goes super fast and it is hard to keep a step ahead of her - especially with my injured toes!

Sibling rivalry continues to build here at the Timmerman house.  Lucy and Emma can't stand to be apart, but when they are together, their fighting is constant.  This past month Emma has leveled the playing field though and Will and I have caught her instigating some of the drama by poking Lucy and then when Lucy pokes her back, Emma screams like she's been shot.  Here they are below riding in a shopping cart built for two at Lowe's.

 And here they are riding the wooden duck at the library.

 And finally, here they are playing in the tunnel Aunt Denise gave Lucy for Christmas.

This past month, Emma has resembled more of a toddler than a baby to me.  She now understands what she should and should not do and enjoys testing the limits.  Her favorite game is to crawl over to the stairs, look back at us over her shoulder, laugh, and then begin climbing.  Another favorite game is to get my cell phone the second I take my eyes off of it, and pull the blankets off of Lucy's dolls.  Each of these activities are forbidden, and you can totally see the thrill it gives her to break the rules.

There is nothing like emergencies, toddlers and 10 month olds to help make a Michigan winter fly by.  In just a couple of days we will be celebrating Luke's fourth birthday.  I can hardly believe it has been four years since we said hello and goodbye to our firstborn and I am hoping for a peaceful and meaningful celebration on Sunday.  Until then, I will be living through memories of my hospital stay four years ago and my last memories of Luke on earth with us.  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we journey through the most difficult time of the year for us.

Boogie through Winter with Lucy

This past month has felt more like spring than winter and I am not complaining!  It has been the warmest January I can remember here in Michigan and it has definitely made life with kids easier.  Less bundling, more time outside and less time stuck home because of snow has made for happier kids and a happier mama.  That's not to say that I still don't have my moments, where Lucy tells me,"Calm down mom.  You're okay, mom.  You're okay."

Yup, thank goodness for the sunshine this month because Lucy seems to have outgrown her naps.  I can't imagine how I'd be coping with this if there was two feet of snow outside and frigid temperatures!  I think Lucy took a total of three naps in January, two of which were in the car and the third when she was fighting a cold.  We have resigned ourselves to this new milestone however, and it has made bedtime a lot easier.  We now have "Quiet Time" in the afternoon and there is no longer the pressure to have Lucy take a nap before such-and-such a time or she will never go to sleep at night.  This helps because Lucy can do Quiet Time while Emma takes her late afternoon nap and gives the rest of our day a bit more flexibility.

Lucy is still getting up one to two times at night despite bedtime being easier, and has developed some new night time fears of spiders and monsters.  She now covers her eyes with her hands when she is falling asleep, "So the spiders can't see me mom" and I make sure the closet door is closed when I tuck her in "so the monsters can't get out".

After we tuck Lucy in at night, her last words to us before we leave the room are, "Say a prayer to Luke, Mom.  Sweet Dreams!"  Lucy continues to talk about Luke and heaven, trying in her own way to understand.  The other day she asked me if we needed to bring the diaper bag when we go to heaven.  I think it was her way of trying to decipher if going to heaven will be a short or long trip.  This month she has also started talking about Jesus more.  Based on how she talks about Luke and Jesus, we are wondering if Lucy thinks that they are both her brothers.  Technically they are, but as a friend pointed out to me - one is just Lucy's brother, and the other is everyone's brother!  I have yet to make that clear to Lucy, but I am working on it.  It is tough explaining something based solely on faith to a toddler who operates on such a literal basis.  The other day I told Lucy I had some cucumbers with her name on them and she excitedly responded, "Where's my name mom?" as she carefully looked the cucumber slices over.

If I had to sum up this past month in relation to Lucy with just one word, it would have to be "Boogers".  This girl has an amazing amount of these gooey, germ-laden things.  Numerous times I have had to take her by the hand with a wet wipe in the other and oversee her washing off her latest booger collection from the car door.  Clearly, booger collecting while riding in your car seat is all the rage this winter.  Not to mention how many times she has proudly yelled, "BOOGER!" while holding up her finger with the offending goober on it.  If you want to see how fast Will and I move to get a Kleenex connected to that sticky little index finger, stop by any time, as it happens at least a dozen times a day.  Why God made nostrils and fingers the perfect fit is beyond me.

We had another encounter with Poison Control this month too.  This time it was with those little silica gel packets that they put in shoe boxes and apparently between the cloth liner and wicker basket from Target that we keep her toys in.  Lucy discovered the little gel pack unbeknownst to me, and took it upstairs behind the rocking chair in her room to investigate it more fully.  Later on that day, she asked Will if he wanted some medicine.  Lucy plays doctor and nurse all the time, so Will thought it was just another game until she handed him tiny little clear "pills".  While trying to remain calm, we got out of Lucy that she ate two of these "pills" and with a racing heart I called Poison Control.  Fortunately, they told me that silica gel is just a fancy name for manufactured sand and the reason the packets come with dire warnings is because they are purely a choking hazard.  The nice gentleman on the other end of the phone reassured me that she would have probably ingested more sand if she had spent a day at the beach.  After I hung up the phone I asked Lucy what the "pills" tasted like, and without missing a beat she scrunched up her face and said, "Diarrhea."  Nothing like ending an adrenaline crash with a good laugh!

Lucy has been enjoying all of her great Christmas presents this month.  Above she is having "Arts and Crafts" time with her new art supplies from Aunt Karen.  Below she is playing with her bin of blocks from Grandma and Grandma Hines, Santa and Aunt Karen.  Fortunately, in this instance, Lucy and Emma were playing quite peacefully.

Life is never dull with a sweet, funny and strong-willed girl named Lucy and she sure helps the winter days fly by as we count down till spring.

Emma's 9 Months!

Emma has now been in our arms longer than she was in my tummy.  At this point, it feels like she has always been here and I can't imagine life without her.  It is wonderful to have a baby in my arms to cuddle and snuggle.  I am savoring every moment because as the days go on, she is becoming more mobile and independent.  This month was all about moving.  She has conquered horizontal surfaces quite well, and has begun trying out vertical dimensions, much to my distress and amazement.  Here she is below trying to figure out how to get out of the situation she crawled into.

She can walk while holding onto our fingers or the furniture quite well this month too, and was even seen pushing a box across the floor while at a friend's birthday party.

In the picture below she had climbed up the shelf with the assistance of a toy she used as a step and alerted us with a cry that she couldn't get back down.  My initial fear was replaced with excitement over a great photo opportunity.

All of this crawling, climbing and walking has really increased her appetite as well as her sleeping abilities.  She has eaten an entire avocado in one sitting and has been sleeping about seven to eight hours straight at night.  Here she is below with Bunny Blankie.

 These days it really does seem like when she isn't sleeping, she is eating.  She has been gaining weight so well this month that the doctors are convinced she is over the hump and well on her way to a healthy growth curve again.  We are still adhering to the high calorie feeding schedule, but we are hoping at her next doctor appointment we can relax a bit and feed her on a more relaxed schedule.  And of course when she isn't eating or sleeping, she is playing.  She loves playing with Lucy and for some reason is obsessed with pulling Lucy's hair.

Santa brought Lucy and Emma some blocks for Christmas, and both girls have really enjoyed playing with them - alone.  This makes it complicated for Will and I to maintain block building peace, as Emma's idea of playing blocks is knocking down and tearing apart anything Lucy makes, and Lucy's idea of playing blocks is needing to use whatever piece Emma is currently holding.

Fortunately there are some activities that both girls enjoy together, including singing along to live piano music...

 ...and sledding on their new sleds from Auntie Cate and Uncle Pat.

New habits this month include lots of finger pointing, waving and clapping as well as saying Lucy's name.  It sounds more like "Ew-See" but we know it is Lucy because she points to either Lucy or a picture of Lucy while saying it.  Now that she has Da-da and Ew-See down, I am patiently awaiting her to call me Mama.  Even with just a two word vocabulary, she is getting really good at telling us what she wants through finger pointing or just plain crawling over attempting whatever she needs herself.  She crawls to me and points at the Boppy pillow I nurse her on when she wants milk (we call it milkies) and she crawls over to her highchair or Will when she wants food.

And because I am busy getting Emma out from under the table and off of ledges, here are her eight month portraits a month late.

Excuse me while I go pull Emma down from the elliptical machine...

Christmas Portraits

I finally got around to uploading the girls' Christmas portraits to the blog and putting them in frames around the house.  Ever since Lucy's first Christmas portraits, I have been longing for the day that I could have multiple children together in one picture at the portrait studio.  As with a lot of dreams though, the reality is much different.  Don't get me wrong, I am overwhelmed by gratitude seeing two of my children together in an 'official' photo.  But, I now understand that it is a lot harder to capture a good picture with the addition of another child.  Not to mention that we arrived at the portrait studio and realized that we had forgotten the amethyst broach that we pin on Lucy in remembrance of Luke for the Christmas pictures.  

While Will was frantically rushing home to get the above mentioned broach, the young man at the front desk was trying his hardest to find my name in the appointments for the day.  I showed him my slip of paper with the confirmation date and time on it and pointed out that we had booked the first appointment of the day on purpose, to avoid the long waits and big crowds that seem to accumulate as the day wears on.  Sweat started breaking out on my forehead while I waited for him to find our name in his computer.  Finally, as I was smoothing down Lucy's hair and swaying Emma on my hip while juggling our huge diaper bag of accessories and baby equipment the guy behind the desk pointed out that the day was correct - Tuesday - but that the date was actually for Thursday.  In an incredulous voice I asked what that meant.  He replied that whoever gave us the confirmation date and time made a mistake and we weren't scheduled until Thursday.  I gave him a speechless, wide-mouthed stare for long enough that he started nervously clicking on the computer.  Finally, I turned to Lucy who had been asking for the last several minutes over and over again, "Is it our turn yet, mama?  Is it our turn now?"  

I don't remember what I said or did at that point, but maybe a minute later the young man called me from the couch I was sitting on while waiting for Will to get back with the broach and take us home.  "Mrs. Timmerman, let me see what we can do."  Several minutes after that we were in front of a backdrop, getting our pictures taken.  Maybe my silent death stare and the dripping perspiration was an indicator of just how difficult it had been to get two girls under the age of three bathed, dressed and ten minutes early to this appointment.  Either way, my relief had to have been evident and this was definitely not a part of my dream of capturing my two babies on earth in a Christmas portrait.

 

What, I shouldn't have paid for the above one?  Would you believe it was in the top five of the best ones?  Yup, we didn't have much to work with, but I suppose this is what I get for $10/portrait.

Individually, they had some nice shots though.  Look at Emma sitting like such a big girl!

And finally, here is the photo of my children on earth, together for the first time in a professional picture.  At least one is smiling.  Too bad Emma's face looks so puzzled and Luke's amethyst is hidden by her head.  If you look really closely, you will see that Emma has also lost her shoes at this point.

Although it is less than perfect, my heart swells with love and pride when I look at this picture.  This photo shoot has helped me realize something.  Dreams get us through the tough times by providing hope.  The reality however is usually far more stressful - and funnier - and memorable than a dream could ever predict.

Maximized JOY

We had a wonderful Christmas season, and are sad that today is Will's last day of Christmas break.  Tomorrow will be just an ordinary winter day and the girls and I will be missing the extra set of hands, playmate, and adult conversation.  It has been nice to reflect back on the last couple of weeks this afternoon.  This year, with a baby experiencing health issues and an active toddler I knew that I needed to make things as simple as possible and ensure that the activities we chose to do captured the holiday spirit with minimal stress.  I read several great books on the subject including Celebrate Simply by Nancy Twigg, Hundred Dollar Holiday by Bill McKibben and Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli.  To cement this concept even more with me, Will told me about a radio morning show he had listened to that discussed how different Christmas would be if guys were the ones in charge.  It struck a chord with me and I realized that for some reason a lot of women (myself included) feel the need to make Christmas perfect.  After reading the above mentioned books and then hearing Will tell of what he heard on the radio, I felt I was finally free to let go of my need for the 'perfect' Christmas and focus instead on creating family memories and just enjoying the season.  

In search of more meaning and less stress, I decided to forgo making my annual holiday cookies and opted instead for some scoop and bake ones to have on hand for company and Santa.  This worked out great and we still had tons of baked goods from our generous family and friends. I know there will be Christmases in the future where I will have the time and energy to bake my favorite holiday cookies, but for this year it was a nice change.  I still got my baking fix however with a craft project Lucy and I made for our family and friends - salt dough ornaments.  I cannot rave enough about this project as it definitely scored a 100% on maximizing meaning and holiday spirit without sacrificing sanity and joy.  Lucy enjoyed it too, and it was a fun way to bake with Lucy without worrying about germs, taste, and perfection.  Here Lucy is below in the various stages of making the ornaments.  The project was simple enough that she was able to do every step herself with minimal interference from me.

Thanksgiving weekend we put up our Christmas tree.  Lucy didn't really remember the Christmas tree from last year and was super excited to help us hang ornaments and sing along to Christmas music.  Emma also enjoyed hanging her first ornament up, as you can see below.  

One of the things I also looked at skipping this year were my annual holiday cards that I send out to family and friends.  Will has never liked this tradition, as he is usually the one licking envelopes and stamping envelopes at midnight two days before Christmas.  He was also quick to remind me that if guys were in charge of Christmas there would be no Christmas cards.  After really thinking it over, I decided that I valued sending cards to my family and friends and it was worth the time and energy involved.  There is something about sitting down with the prior year's address list and taking stock.  Adding new friends and new family members to the list is always fun - this year we added several great new friends and even several new family members (shout out to my first niece Ellen!).  It also is a nice way to remember those that we said goodbye to over the past year.  Taking my grandma's name off of the card list was emotional, but it caused me to stop and remember some great Christmas memories with her.

We of course continued with our tradition of decorating Luke's grave blanket with homemade ornaments as it is a great way to involve the entire family in heaven and on earth.  This year we painted birds.  While Lucy was painting, she kept saying things like, "I hope Lukey likes my ornament Mom."  "Mom, I know Lukey is just going to love this ornament!"  And the most heart wrenching, "Mom, I wish Lukey could see my ornament I made for him."  Lucy took this project very seriously.

And yes, painting without a shirt IS more inspiring - and less messy!  Here we are below having a family hug while admiring Luke's freshly decorated grave blanket.

Another continued tradition was a visit to Santa.  Last year Lucy was very uncertain while she sat on Santa's lap and so I ended up holding her next to him.  She didn't have a problem though, telling him very clearly that she wanted Elmo stuff for Christmas.  This year, it was all Will and I could do to get her within 10 feet of Santa and if we got any closer she would scream, "OUCH!!  OUCH!!  OUCH!!"  This kind of creeped Santa out who was quick to tell the people nearby that he was NOT in fact hurting her.  Emma didn't really care one way or the other and sat on Santa's lap while watching Lucy's dramatic display with some curiosity.  After Will backed a safe enough distance away from Santa, Lucy did tell him that she wanted Gummi Bears and suckers for Christmas.  I will have to readdress this tradition next year to see if the value to stress ratio is worth it.

On Christmas Eve we went to Will's parent's house for brunch and to exchange gifts.  This worked out great as the girls are at their best in the morning and we were still able to come home in time for naps.  While they were taking their naps, Will and I got an early dinner ready so that when they woke up we could bathe them, don Christmas dresses, have dinner, and then head to Christmas Eve mass.

Usually for Christmas Eve mass we go to the church we were married at in Detroit, or whatever church is closest to us since we have to get there so much earlier to get a seat.  This year we decided it would be nice to spend Christmas Eve at our church and I am so glad we did.  It was absolutely lovely and it is a tradition we are starting from here on out.  Here Lucy is below next to the nativity before mass.

An overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude filled me on Christmas eve, sitting in the pew before mass enjoying the peacefulness of the church and the beauty of my family.  I wanted to capture it in some way so I took out my iPhone and started taking pictures - that is until Will caught me and shot me a look that said "not appropriate!"

 After mass was a more appropriate time to capture the moment, so I asked the family behind us to take a picture of us in our Christmas finery.  It's not often that we look this put together!  In fact, I think it was the first time as a family of four on earth that we were all clean-smelling and color-coordinated at the same time!

When mass was over, we drove around a bit and looked at Christmas lights, then headed home and had the one item I had made special for Christmas Eve - mint chocolate chip ice cream, paired with a batch of the scoop and bake chocolate chip cookie dough from our local fruit market.  Let's just say that the stress to joy ratio was not worth it here.  The stress began when I needed to find creme de menthe for the ice cream recipe.  It was two days before Christmas, and I had tried four different stores and they were all out of the green minty liquor.  It didn't help matters that I was fighting a horrible cough and was also looking for a certain brand of all natural cough syrup that was missing as well. Not until I was standing in the liquor aisle of Meijer with Lucy, feeling completely anxious because Will was circling in the car outside with a crying Emma that I realized that perhaps I should write this one off as a loss and call it a day.  As I was waiting for the manager to check in the back for the creme de menthe, Lucy kept asking rather loudly, "Mom, is this where your cough syrup is?  Mom, where's your cough syrup?  Mom, I see your cough syrup!  There it is!  Creme de menthe!"  I received several looks from complete strangers stocking up their holiday liquor cabinets as I tried shushing Lucy and explained that creme de menthe isn't cough syrup.  After all that stress we ate the ice cream Christmas eve and no one but Will really liked it.  To make matters worse, it had completely slipped my head that I have been avoiding dairy because it upsets Emma's stomach when I nurse her.  Yup, I was up all night with Emma, cursing the creme de menthe!  Epic fail on value to stress ratio!  AND - Lucy still calls cough syrup creme de menthe!

After the girls were in bed, Will and I sat down to write our annual Christmas letter to Luke to put in his stocking.  It is at times like this that the pain of missing him is the most raw.  What would it look like to have all three of our children in their Christmas jammies in front of our tree?  Luke would have been three this Christmas and I can only imagine how excited he would have been, wondering what Santa would bring him in the morning and interacting with his sisters.

On Christmas morning we all headed downstairs together, thanks to the baby gate at the top of our stairs.  Lucy was super excited and got right down to ripping open presents.  At first she assumed that all of the presents under the tree were hers, but once she realized that some were for Will, Emma and myself, she was equally as eager to help us open ours as she was hers.  We couldn't help but notice that she seemed disappointed after she opened each gift however.  When I reminded Lucy that she still had a stocking to check out, her eyes lit up and she ran to see the full stockings hanging from our stair railing.  Here are some pictures of the sequence of events.  The first picture is of her screaming so loud she bent in half...

Then, looking up at the stockings...

Then patiently smiling for a picture before she got her stocking.

After she dumped the contents of her stocking out and saw that Santa had gotten her Gummi Bears and suckers she started jumping up and down with excitement and said, "Santa listened Mom!  Santa listened!"  After that her entire demeanor changed and she excitedly ingested sugar while playing with her new toys.  Lucy also found Emma's new toys to be as good as hers.  Here they are below opening presents.

As expected, Emma liked the paper more than her toys.

After we cleaned up the paper, Emma seemed content with her new toys.

When the last present was opened, we had a Christmas breakfast of cinnamon rolls from a tube from Trader Joe's (this is the first year I didn't make my traditional Christmas sour cream coffee cake) along with an egg casserole that we had made up the night before and popped in the oven when we came downstairs in the morning.  We stuck a candle in a cinnamon roll and sung happy birthday to Jesus.  Joy to stress ratio - priceless.

Instead of attempting naps before we headed over to my parent's house for the day, we decided to pack up our over-stimulated, and in one case, over-sugared children and make the drive to the cemetery in hopes they would sleep on the way.  Our plan worked and both kids conked out in the back, giving Will and I a quiet trip to the cemetery.  I would have wished for the girls to join Will and I at Luke's grave, but we left them asleep in the car next to Luke's grave.  When we got out at the cemetery we were met with an unexpected surprise.  My grandma's headstone had arrived!  This caught me off guard and as nice as it was to see her headstone, it was also extremely emotional seeing her name next to my grandpa's and Luke's graves.  It made her passing more real than it has been - and more final.  And it is the finality that hurts so badly.  I still can hardly believe she is gone.

After drying my tears we got back in the car and headed to my parents house.  This year it was just my parents and siblings, minus my brother Joe who lives in Florida.  It was also the first Christmas with the new generation of cousins.  Here is Lucy below with her two new girls under the Christmas tree - her cousin Ellen and sister Emma!  I can't wait to see them grow together and become lifelong friends.

 I couldn't resist posting this picture below with Emma snuggling her Aunt Jane.

 And here is a picture of Emma wearing her new Christmas present from Aunt Jenna!  Jenna made dinosaur tails for Lucy, Emma and even a miniature one for Simone.  I'm sure there will be pictures to come over the next year of the adventures with these cute little dinosaurs.

The day after Christmas in years past have been spent in various retail establishments spending gift cards, making exchanges/returns and cashing in on some great after-Christmas sales.  This year we decided to try something different.  To begin with, we had made a point with our family and friends to minimize the amount of gifts exchanged so that we could better focus on the less materialistic side of Christmas.  Will and I also limited the amount of gifts we gave the girls, and our families did as well.  This really helped reduce stress in the fact that I didn't have to find space to put all of the new objects or stand in long lines to return/exchange large quantities of items that didn't fit, work properly, or were needed.  And I felt like the gifts we did give and receive were more thoughtful and meaningful.  Because of this, we spent the day after Christmas in nature.  As a family, we seem to be at our best outside.  There are no household distractions for Will and I, the girls don't fight or whine and everyone just seems happier.  Fortunately, the almost 50 degree weather helped this new way to spend Boxing Day, but I hope that come rain, snow or sunshine we carry this tradition on.

I would be remiss not to note that we began our holidays over Thanksgiving weekend with a baby who would stay put where ever she was sat.  On our last day of this wonderful holiday season, our little baby is not only crawling like a pro, but climbing and scaling furniture as well.  What a way to end the holidays with a bang, Emma!

Yup, this holiday season we chose to maximize joy and minimize stress.  I am glad that I took the time in the beginning to assess my priorities and make sure that each activity we committed ourselves to was both thought out and in alignment with our meaning of Christmas.  Yesterday we took down the Christmas decorations and cleaned the house from top to bottom.  I am excited to have a clean house and new goals to start off 2012 (and for Emma to stop trying to pull the Christmas tree down and eat the ornaments!).  We have many things we are working on this year and I am excited to write about it on this blog while documenting Lucy and Emma's growth.  I can't believe that we will be celebrating Luke's 4th, Lucy's 3rd and Emma's 1st birthdays this year!  I wish you all a happy and healthy new year where joy is maximized and stress is minimized!

Stay tuned and I will do a separate post soon of the girl's holiday portraits as well as Emma's 9 month pictures.