April 2021

Since my last post, life hit me and my family hard.  At first I was still hopeful that I could play catch up on my blog posts, but as life kept getting more challenging, I started falling so far behind on my posts that I contemplated just retiring this blog altogether.  It has been survival mode for quite some time for me and perhaps it is a good sign that I am able to finally sit here at the end of January, 2022, and begin to reflect on all that my family and I have been through this past year.  The struggle isn't over yet, but I feel like I am at the end of my endurance.  I need to find ways to focus on the joys in my life as I shore myself up for the next challenges.  This blog has always been a way for me to digest what life threw at me, and to remind me of all of the blessings in my life.  I started it when I learned that my pregnancy with Luke was filled with uncertainties and bad news.  The blog helped me then, and I'm hoping it helps me now too.  I've missed writing it.  So here I am.  I wish that I could write about the month of April, 2021 with fresh memories and in the moment recaps, but alas, that ship has sailed.  I will do my best to document the photos, and have my kids fill in any details I may have forgotten.  

Here are four of my reasons to keep going, and to process with writing the last year.

I feel sadness that my babies kept growing, even while Will and I were in survival mode, and I feel like I missed savoring it.  I can't believe how much they have all grown, and I hope moving forward to find ways to be more present each day.  What I am learning from survival mode though, is you really do the best you can - there is no other choice.  And we have survived so far, so that is not nothing.  Here are Will and I below, enjoying the bounty of our suburban farm.  Our first asparagus harvest of the season, and an expert grilled sandwich chef.  It always amazes me how much we are able to cook and produce in our relatively small kitchen.  I am always grateful to the two guys who flipped our house for opting for a ceramic cooktop stove and a wide granite ledge before the sink starts.  We utilize every each of that extra space.

In true spring style, some days we were able to explore outside in a light jacket, and other days we had to put on full winter gear.  Shortly after the bottom, lefthand photo of Violet was taken we realized that Violet is very allergic to dandelions!  Who knew!  

April is such a busy month of holidays for us.  We kicked off the holidays with Easter, and dyed our eggs the day before the holiday.

Several eggs got damaged during the boiling process, so we tried to turn the boo-boos into integrated art.  If that isn't a metaphor for a well-lived life, I don't know what is!

We spent Easter just the six of us due to COVID numbers and it was so nice to have nothing to do but relax with the kids all day.

Opal ate her weight in chocolate, Emma and Violet enjoyed building the little Lego sets from their baskets, and Lucy and I tried our hand at some spring-themed macrame kits we had bought earlier in the week.

I love when the weather is actually nice on Easter and we can truly revel in the lovely spring day as the kids search for eggs.

The girls insisted on wearing their nicest spring outfits and all five of us girls wore our floral crowns too.

Next up on the holiday list in April was Emma's 10th birthday.  This year Will and I got each of the three oldest girls their own desk for their birthday.  This was her main present from Will and I, but fortunately the sisters filled in the present gaps with thoughtful and well-picked gifts of their own.

Emma loved the Harry Potter bead art that Opal got her, and spent the afternoon making art that J.K. Rowling would have approved of.  We took a lovely walk to the river and spent a golden hour tossing rocks into the stream and building rafts to see how far they would go.

We had a movie night, complete with appetizer type food in front of the TV while we watched Harriet the Spy.  We had just finished reading the book, so Emma was excited that this lined up with her birthday.  And, if it wasn't for Emma remembering this when I asked her tonight, I would have had no memory of the movie we watched.  

Next up was Lucy's 12th birthday, and she was excited to have her desk revealed as well.  Sisters filled in with great gifts and I think it's safe to say that with three sisters each, they will never have to worry about a lack of presents at holidays.  They do an excellent job picking out exactly what their sisters would love.  I know there is some serious whispering and promising and bold sister-requesting around gift-giving, but for the most part, the presents are still a surprise to them.

Friends of ours surprised Lucy on her birthday with giant balloons that ended up providing some hilarious entertainment when the wind took the balloons on an erratic journey through our yard.  We caught them though, but not without me almost peeing my pants from the laughter.  They gave all three spring birthday sisters a beautiful succulent planter to share as well.

At twelve I am noticing a new level of maturity in Lucy that makes me proud and wistful all at the same time.  She doesn't play with her sisters nearly as much as she used to, but instead prefers solitary art or craft projects and of course, lots of reading.  She still averages a book a day and the books keep getting thicker.

My parents came by for an outside birthday visit this past month, as did my sister who surprised all of the girls with custom sewn doll dresses for their American Girl dolls.  My sister has her own side hustle where she makes exquisite doll dresses - what an amazing aunt for young girls to have!  We also received a box of birthday gifts from our friends in Chicago, which is a great way of keeping the long distance relationship alive for our kids.  Finally, in the bottom, right hand photo below, we met up with my cousin and her two daughters for a delightful day at the park where I swear there was fairy dust and sunshine on us the entire time.  Even almost a year later, that day is crystal clear in my memory.  It was the first time we had seen them since the pandemic started, and it was so good to be together.

Spring weather had us seeing our friends again, but we still had plenty of time indoors with just us.  My mama heart was full when I came across my four girls playing the game of Life together.  It is rare these days when all four sisters play together - and peacefully at that - and so I had to take a photo to document it.  In the top, right hand photo below are the doll outfits my sister sewed for the girls birthdays.  In the bottom right hand photo below, Violet is putting on a play for me.  She may have Will's sense of humor, which is both awe-inspiring and scary.  The bottom two photos on the left were taken by Lucy with a filter added to them and I thought they captured the sweet innocence of my two youngest gals.

We plugged along with school, which is always hard in a month with three major holidays.  Lucy got a kick out of her vocabulary word for the week: quarantine.  I'm sure when the book was published a few years ago, they thought this was a word that kids wouldn't know otherwise, but in 2021 it is a word even known by my three year old.  In the bottom, left hand photo below we are eating a picnic dinner at our church after attending an outdoor church service.  We had not been to church at this point in over a year, and Opal was in awe of the congregation's united responses to prayers and the community singing.  Opal is being impacted by this pandemic more than anyone else in our family.  We have yet to discover all of the ways her world view has been affected.

I continued to make progress on my new business, Wildflower Moon.  This past month the products really started coming together.  

I spent too much time on Facebook Marketplace looking for chairs to go with the girls new desks this past month.  I finally found a set of four matching chairs and knew they were the ones for us.  I had them painted by the same woman who refinished the girls desks for me, and Will and I tackled the reupholstery.

This past month we came down with fevers that lasted for 10 days, coupled with severe exhaustion.  The only person who didn't have a fever was Lucy.  I came down with the fever first, and immediately quarantined in my room.  This was hard on the family, and one of the reasons we have been so careful to not get COVID.  Violet is considered higher risk with her inability to sweat and her respiratory track that is affected by ectodermal dysplasia.  On day three of my quarantine, Will came down with a fever and by that afternoon, three out of the four kids (including Violet) had fevers too.  It was scary to know that the germ went through the house, but also a relief to no longer have to be away from my kids.  Opal was having such a hard time and it was breaking my heart that she couldn't understand why I couldn't be with her.  She just kept saying, "I HATE COVID!"  I think we can all relate to that.  Strangely enough though, we took multiple COVID tests - both rapid and PCR - and spaced them out throughout the 10 days of fever and never once did any of us test positive for COVID.  We treated it as COVID, but we never lost taste or smell.  I ended up having an antibody test a few weeks later and that came back negative too.

During our illness, Violet started complaining of a sore rib.  When I inspected her rib, I noticed that it was protruding more than the others.  We never had a cough, so I began to worry what it could mean.  We took her to the pediatrician once we were fever free and were promptly sent for x-rays.  After the regular x-rays were taken, we were called that afternoon due to an abnormality found and sent straight away to a bigger hospital specializing in pediatrics.  This was very scary, and we had a few days of wait time before we knew what was going on.  

Come to find out, Violet has extra cartilage in the rib that was protruding, and the rib is forked at the end.  Who knows what caused it to become sore, as the doctors are certain she has had it all of her life and that it is benign.  The sweet relief of getting this news is inexplainable, and Violet seemed unfazed by all of it.  And to just go to show that God's hand was with us during this time, the doctor who reviewed Violet's final x-ray told us that his wife has the exact same forked rib, and there are no side effects to it other than sometimes a seat belt rubbing it the wrong way.  What are the odds of a first hand experience like that, to help put me at ease and Violet to feel less alone.  I am so proud of the way Violet handles her challenges, and I am so very very grateful that her rib protrusion is just another detail that makes her unique. 

There was a lot packed into the month of April, and writing this post was like riding a bike after time away.  We are off and running now, and I can already feel the processing relief and the gratitude reinforcement from writing this post.  Onwards!

March and the Start of Spring

This past month, after years of searching, we found our first salamanders.  Apparently salamanders migrate in March back to the ponds they were born in and weather conditions need to be just right.  We finally stumbled upon the right window of time and were so excited to find several different varieties of salamanders as well as frogs and turtles in a local pond/swamp.  We even helped a woman perform a field operation on a salamander that was covered in leeches.  We as in I volunteered Will - no way was I going to touch leeches.  I'd like to believe that if Will wasn't around, I would have done what needed to be done.

  

I wish I could convey the magical feeling of discovery and community on this beautiful Saturday in March where we, along with several other strangers from all walks of life, united over the common bond of natural wonder.  One dad there with his young son said, "this sure beats video games."  I whole heartedly agree.  It was like I had found my tribe, and this experience will forever remain in my memory - the special moment when we all found salamanders.  The feeling of shared excitement gave me such hope for our future - there are people in the world who care for and are in wonderment of this beautiful, amazing earth.  And they are raising their kids to feel that awe as well.  I never found out a single name of the people, but we learned the names of the red and blue salamanders we found.  I will never forget the people or the salamanders from this magical day.

We did lots of exploring on our favorite trails this past month.  I love that due to the pandemic, we are really becoming regulars on our local trails.  The boredom of walking the same trails every day would normally be remedied by driving to farther trails to change things up.  Because of the pandemic, we are staying closer to home and the familiarity of walking the same trails has led us to make discoveries that we normally wouldn't have noticed.  To really know a place, I am starting to understand that you have to be a part of it every single day before the intricacies are revealed to you.  The seasonality of plants, animals and insects and when they emerge from the ground, have their babies or become pesky are all greeted now with expectation and a feeling of comfort - the earth is predictable, despite the chaos that seems to be around us.

In the bottom lefthand photo above, my youngest brother Pat is taking a break with us on a bench during a hike near our house.  On our way home, a woman walking by asked if all five kids were mine.  I just had to laugh, because my brother is in his mid-twenties.  The last time I was asked this question when I was with my brother was when I was fifteen years old and an old woman asked me if I was breastfeeding him.  I almost threw him across the room, I was that appalled.  Fortunately, he and I both survived that embarrassment and I can only laugh at the memory now.

We spent a lot of time in our own backyard this past month and the girls are excited to be able to have the carefree feeling that comes from being able to paint their nails outside again, with no parent harping on them about spilling nail polish on the furniture or carpet.  

Charlie is loving this warmer weather and is shedding his winter coat something fierce.  He is looking slimmer too, so his winter weight is also melting away.  My neighbor sent me the below, left hand text.  Charlie loves hanging with the neighbors, and we know of two neighbors now that feed him every day.  I've insisted that he is well fed, but I know that they can't say no to his begging eyes.

Charlie gave me quite a scare on St. Patrick's Day.  I went outside in the morning to feed him and found his food dish covered in blood, and blood in the garage.  Charlie was no where to be found and my worst fears were playing out in my mind.  I donned latex gloves and a bottle of disinfectant - I didn't know whose blood was all over the garage - and started praying that Charlie was okay.  Later that afternoon, Charlie appeared with a giant scab on his ear.  Something had ripped the tip of his ear.  Fortunately my sister in law, a veterinarian, who is used to getting emergency texts about my cat, reassured me that it looked to be treatable at home with soap and water.  Six weeks later and the scab finally fell off for good and he has quite a chip taken out of his ear - just another scar to add to his many scars, but the first scar that isn't hidden by fur.  We are now calling him Charlie O'Timmerman, since he apparently got in a bar fight before noon on St. Paddy's Day.  What a cat.

We were able to do some outside visits with friends and family this past month on some nice weather days.  In clockwise order from top left below: the girls and I had a pizza picnic with my dad, the girls playing at a local park with friends we haven't seen since before the pandemic, a picnic lunch with my parents and my nieces and nephews who were in town (that we also hadn't seen since before the pandemic and I could hardly keep the tears from falling at my relief and love at seeing their dear and sweet faces), meeting my parents and nieces and nephews for an outdoor Sunday afternoon donut and cider snack, and finally, having a bonfire with friends on a full moon.

We have still been avoiding stores, so when we do go, it is a major event.  In the four photos on the left below, Will is texting me play by play updates of his errands.  In the top right photo below, Violet and Opal are waiting patiently in a fitting room as the rest of us try on clothes.  It is sooo nice to be able to try on clothes again as fitting rooms are starting to open back up.  Outfitting a growing family with clothes ordered online has gotten super old, with guessing sizes, returning the ones that don't fit, and waiting on the ones that do fit to arrive.  It's a long and drawn out process.

In the above, right hand photo, Emma is lighting a candle at our church after making her first Reconciliation.  Our church did an amazing job keeping families and their kids safe during this sacrament.  The most difficult part was choosing a face mask from our growing collection that coordinated with Emma's outfit.

We have spent a lot of time at home this past month, and the girls plugged along with school.  The below photo shows a full circle moment with Lucy proofreading copy for a journal I am producing for girls her age, and the opposite photo is of me proofing Lucy's math homework.  Lucy had a smile and a giggle at the joy of being on the opposite side for once.  She was very kind with her suggestions, and had some great ideas too.

The girls love being creative in various ways.  Opal and Violet love playing with PlayDoh, Emma loves building things (in the below, right hand photo Emma built a tic tac toe game from Home Depot), and Lucy found my floral crown supplies in the basement and made some for her American Girl dolls.  One evening I found the three youngest girls watching TV with a line of stuffed animals also enjoying the show.

For the most part my kids play well together.  We struggle with the younger two wanting a playmate, but not wanting to play what the other wants to play.  Sometimes all four of them play Legos well together.  Things usually go better when they play in twos, but it does almost always end with a disagreement - usually because the older sister is done playing and the younger sister is not.

On St. Patrick's Day Will's parents dropped off a treasure hunt that the kids enjoyed doing.  I also found my husband who has absolutely no Italian blood in him, drinking the residue of tomato sauce in a marinara jar.

We loved watching the crocus and daffodils come up from their winter slumber, and we also were excited that our chickens are starting to lay eggs again after taking the winter off.  One or two of our chickens have started eating the freshly laid eggs, and Lucy and Violet have taken it upon themselves to outwit the egg-eating chicken.  First we tried putting a stone in their nesting boxes, shaped like an egg.  That didn't work. Then Will found some plastic fake eggs online, and that, along with promptly getting the eggs as soon as they are hatched, has allowed us to get fresh eggs again.  Lucy and Violet know the egg laying schedule of each hen now, and the egg-eating chicken is not happy with them.  

Will came home from work one day on the early side, and although our plans to do something exciting and fun with his unexpected early day were dashed, his timing worked out for us because when he came home he realized that our sump pump was backing up and water was starting to pour into the basement.  He caught it within minutes of this turning into a HUGE problem.  I can't even believe the timing.  He was able to replace the sump pump and we only had minimal mopping to do.  

One weekend morning Lucy and Will made beignets while I had a luxurious bath.  I've also been making my own tea, and it is a bit tedious. Because of that, I usually will do it on a weekend and make enough for a month.  It tastes so much better than anything I have found in the store.  We also made chicken pot pie in bulk for our freezer, which makes a great and easy weeknight meal.  In the below, right hand photo, I text a photo to my sister in law who's always advising me on Charlie, and asked her for tips on stitching a stuffed kitty cat's ear.  There was way less blood with this wound.  

I've read that home renovations and decorating supplies are in high demand during the pandemic, and our house is no exception.  I think it is because we are all staying home so much and either getting sick of the view, or realizing that the view is a tad shabby.  We redecorated our living room after eleven years of the previous decor, and a rug that stood up to countless spills, crumbs, playing and four kids going through potty training.  I am very happy with how it turned out - I found a great rug online, some coordinating material that I made throw pillows out of, a matching ceramic pot and throw blanket, and all of it went perfectly with the artwork from one of my favorite artists that Will framed for me for Christmas.  Every time I come downstairs into the living room, I am taken aback with love for this newly decorated space.

 March was filled with happy things and I can't help but think that this is what the start of spring is all about.

Opal is 3!

Opal has been making us laugh, ordering us around and giving us snuggles for three years now!  Opal was so excited for her birthday this year, and even understood to ask for the gifts she wanted.  

Opal got her request of more stuffed "meow meows" and chocolate.  She received a few surprises as well.

Her three sisters pooled their money together and got Opal a cute little Duplo Lego set and were a tad hurt when Opal opened up the wrapping paper enough to see what was inside, and then violently tossed it aside.  When she opened up a Lego set from Will and I, it was met with the same force.  She refused to touch the Lego sets for weeks after her birthday.  We still aren't sure if she was just that excited, or if she really didn't want them.  Keep in mind she plays Legos with her sisters every single day.

Friends and family sent gifts and she loves the bug catching kit from her God parents and the game Uno Moo from my parents along with some new mess-free markers.  Will's parents got her a tie dye pink dress that she is wearing in the above right hand photo and it is one of her favorite dresses now.

Opal was old enough this year to plan her birthday menu, and requested pancakes and sausage for her breakfast.  She even had enough mini pancakes made to feed her new kitty cats.  

It was perfect playground weather on her birthday, so we spent the afternoon at one of Opal's favorite playgrounds.  We brought the Hershey kisses she got for her birthday, and chocolate combined with the six of us together made for a lovely afternoon.  There was one point where Will was going down the twisty slide with this look on his face that had the girls and I laughing so hard our sides hurt. 

When we came home from the park it was time to frost Opal's cupcakes and make her requested hot dog dinner.  She had requested strawberry cupcakes for her birthday dessert.   I couldn't find a food dye free strawberry cupcake mix, and so had to make them from scratch that morning along with her made from scratch pancakes.  Coming home to frost them and make dinner made me feel like I had spent way too much time in the kitchen while the rest of the family enjoyed the day and this made me cranky.  I regret to say that I threw a tantrum and the other three sisters vowed to only eat prepackaged foods for their birthday.  I feel badly about this as I want to make them healthy and delicious foods, especially on their special days.  Next year I will make complicated desserts a day or two prior so that I can enjoy more birthday festivities along side them.  And remind myself that it is okay to ask for help because otherwise no one knows that I am overwhelmed.  Thank goodness for the safe space of my family to learn how to grow and communicate better!

And, in true three year old form, Opal only ate the frosting off of the cupcakes.  But she had fun decorating them with sprinkles, so in her mind, her dessert was a win.

Opal is still our foodie.  She uses words like "delicious" to describe flavorful food, and she requests "green stuff", also known as garlic pesto, on her sandwiches and pizza.

Below is a photo with Opal next to the kind of flowers that were in bloom on the day she was born - purple crocus.

Opal loves when we build her forts, and loves when we play with her too.  She is not picky on playmates, as long as someone will play with her.  She does not play very long on her own.

At three years old, most kids have a full head of hair.  Opal's hair is just starting to come in enough to do something with it.  She now requests every morning to have "girl" hair and her most requested style is a little side braid.  She longingly talks about wanting hair like her sisters and mama.  At the rate it is starting to finally grow, I'd say by four years old she will!

Opal loves playing with her play kitchen and making us and her stuffed animals yummy treats and picnics.  She also loves playing in the water in the shower or the bathtub.

We've had some struggles with obsessive hand washing this past month, plus some challenges with different smells.  She doesn't mind dirty hands as long as they don't smell.  But as soon she even thinks something that she has to touch might scent her hands, she refuses to touch it.  After speaking with her pediatrician, we are setting the timer to spread out hand washing and to let her hands heal from washing them so much.  We are also upping her sensory play and talking to her about the times when it is okay to wash her hands so that she knows she can eventually which gives her the freedom to play.  As I type this, she is doing so much better, but when we were in the thick of it we didn't know if this was a permanent reality or a passing phase.  I don't think that we are dealing with a passing phase, but I also think that given the right tools, we can help Opal manage her sensory challenges.  She has always been sensitive to loud sounds, seems to have heightened taste, and now scent has come in to play.  I'm choosing to see her sensitivity as a gift, and who knows how this will help her future dreams.  In the below photos in clockwise order from top left: Opal taking her meow meows for a ride, Opal showing me the map she made to get to our vacation house that we rent, Opal giving some toy mermaids a bath with a toothbrush and a tub of water at the table, and Opal drawing with markers.

Opal brings us so much joy and I can't believe she is three years old already.

Opal, I wish I could stop time and keep you this little forever, but I will remind myself that each new phase brings new delights.  If I could freeze moments in a bottle to savor for later, they would be the smell of your hair after you've played in the sunshine, your hugs and kisses, the feel of your sweet cheeks as I cover you in kisses, the weight of you in my lap as we snuggle with a storybook and the sound of your little voice.

Happy birthday Opal!  We love you!