Will headed back to work in August, and it was a tough transition for us (in fact, we are still transitioning, as I write this at the end of September!) as Will didn't really go in to the office on a regular basis since the middle of March. His flexibility to tag team appointments for the kids so that one parent could stay home while the other parent took whoever needed to go to an appointment was amazing, as COVID has required us to not bring our kids everywhere with us, and also taken away our babysitter options. Plus, without his over an hour round trip commute time each day, he was able to get more sleep and have more time with us. I was hoping that COVID would help change the dynamics of the standard 9-5 work schedule (or in Will's case - 7-4 if there are no sporting events or parent meetings or parent teacher conferences or board meetings or police reports that day), but alas, now that Will is back at work, he is working more than ever, trying to keep his school safe from the pandemic with the return of in person learning and jumping through literally impossible to meet hoops, while also running an online school option as well. The amazing flexibility and willingness to do whatever it takes to help students learn in safe environments by both Will and his teachers and support staff is truly incredible. I was also hoping that COVID would shine a light on just how necessary these roles are, and finally gain the appreciation and monetary compensation that they deserve, but alas, that has not happened either.
Here we are on our last hike before Will went back to work. No more week day lunch break hikes with the family and that makes me sad. I really do hope that by the time my kids have children of their own, that there is a better work/life balance in place. I had high hopes of this being a silver lining of COVID but in talking to other people in the workforce, it seems that more has been required of everyone and we are moving into the opposite direction of work/life balance, as now with the ability to work from home (thanks to Zoom) it is even harder to separate work from life.
The below trail is one of our favorite local hikes.
We socialized more this past month than we had in the last six months. It was so nice to be with friends and family again. We kept the gathering small, and stayed outdoors for most of them. In clockwise order from top left below: our kids reunited with their friends after a half year of only driveway visits. They had prepared for this playdate for months, and when they finally got together, I was in awe of what they had planned. Their friends had made a movie script that used the characters from the movie The Descendants, and each girl dressed the part and had lines for their own movie. I couldn't believe how well they had pulled off the characters! In the next photos, the girls helped my mom pick blueberries and cherry tomatoes from her garden, and gave her a belated birthday gift. My mom had a bumper blueberry crop this year. Lastly, we brought our famous cream cheese bean dip to my sister's birthday/graduation party and before we even turned off of our street, it spilled all over my brand new sandals. All we could do was laugh and turn around as the hot dip settled into my sandals and burned my feet. Fortunately we had plastic floor mats and after some hosing off of my feet, sandals, and the car, we grabbed more ingredients from our kitchen, and headed back to my parents house where I remade the dip there. If 2020 was a car ride, it would have looked and smelled a lot like that one.
We were on the cancelation list for our favorite cottage up north, after we had to cancel a scheduled trip there in May due to COVID. After checking in with the rental owner and learning there had been no cancelations this past month, imagine my surprise and excitement when he text me the very next day with a cancelation! What a bonus this was! We were unsure if Will was going to be able to come, as he was back to work for the year, but his new superintendent gave him her blessing, and away we went!
Despite Opal sleeping terribly on this trip, it was still a great time for all of us. I think because we had resigned ourselves to not going to our favorite place this summer due to COVID, that the fact that we actually were here just filled us with so much gratitude.
Opal filled our CD player in our car with spare change a few days into the trip, which was very disappointing, as we couldn't imagine the four hour car ride home without music to keep Opal happy. Will was able to find a YouTube video to help him remove the center counsel in our car, shake out the change, and put it back in, as good as new. We also got locked out of the cottage one afternoon, due to the keypad malfunctioning. Fortunately, after texting the cottage owner that we were looking to catapult our nine year old into the hard to reach but open kitchen window, he let us know where the spare key was. So, alls well that ends well! And in case you are wondering why we chose the nine year old over our other three options, we determined she was the smallest, yet mature enough to be able to pull off a window screen. Yes, we were making memories for sure!
In the above photos, in the bottom right hand corner, Will is tying Lucy's camera to a tree so we can get a family photo with the timer setting. Would you believe I can't find the photo it took? It is probably still on Lucy's camera.
We enjoyed beach time every single day. I've said it in last month's post, and I'll say it again, our family is at it's best at the beach. As my brother-in-law told me about swimming in the Great Lakes - it is a spiritual experience for him. I agree with him completely. We even made mandalas on the beach this time to embrace our feelings of joy and gratitude to be there.
We took hikes every morning, and I believe that this area has the best hiking trails in our entire state. It does seem like the word has gotten out though about this hidden gem, as this year the trails were almost too crowded.
We have a favorite hike that we have been doing now for the past four years that we have been going here. This is the only trail that my kids do not complain on.
We did some sightseeing of nearby towns, and it amazes me that every year we still make new discoveries in the area. Our favorite thing to do when Will had to take work calls in the evening, was to go to a giant sand dune by our cottage, and climb up fairly high, and then settling in to people watch. We timed it so that the sun was just behind the dune, leaving us in cool shade. Will sat in the car and made his calls, and the kids and I got a kick out of listening to the people climbing the dunes. We noticed a hilarious pattern of dads and grandpas doling out advice to their families, and then watching their own advice backfire on those well-meaning dads. Absolutely the best entertainment I have had in a really long time.
Our top favorite Dad advice is as follows:
1. Zig zag down the dune so you don't fall (as the grandpa zig zagged to the point of falling)
2. Take smaller steps if you feel like you are going to fall (and then dad promptly fell)
3. Don't slide down the hill on your butt! You will get sand in your butt! (as Dad then slipped and slid down the hill)
4. If you walk up the hill backwards it might be easier (as, you guessed it, backward walking dad almost fell)
Gosh, dads sure are lovable. I especially adore how strong they are, and how without fail, whether on the way to the beach or on a hike, dads continued to amaze me with all the things (and people) they were carrying. Will was no exception, and we call him our resident pack animal as he carried Opal and 6 metal water bottles and snacks in a backpack for every hike. I had to laugh when I saw a man with his wife and four daughters, loading all of their bikes onto their extended cab pickup truck. The dad was sweating as he lifted each bike, strategically placed it so that all of the bikes could fit, and secured it in place. Meanwhile the rest of his clan stood around and watched. May we not be helpless, but also appreciate the testosterone in our midst!
We arrived back home after a refreshing week up north to begin school. So many items that I needed for our school year were on backorder this summer, and I think this was another side effect of COVID. I am happy to see all of the families trying new to them ways of education, and I hope that a silver lining of COVID is that there is more awareness of all of the options that are out there, and less judging of education that doesn't fit the status quo. Over the years I have had so many negative and doubting comments made about how Will and I have chosen to educate our kids. I do believe most of these comments were made out of concern and lack of experience with homeschooling. I am hopeful now that there will be more understanding about our choice to homeschool - with or without a pandemic.
As you can see in the top, middle photo above, sometimes my own kids are not on board with homeschooling. In the photos below, Violet and Lucy are showing off some artwork they made.
I feel like a large part of being a parent these days is finding a healthy balance between technology and the rest of life. Not only do Will and I struggle with balance for our own technology use, but our kids are constantly pressing the boundaries. It would be so sad to me if one day they realized as adults that technology stole their childhoods. And without constant vigilance, it seems like this is a possibility. My kids are so creative, and I love to see them work through boredom and come up with amazing projects or games. On the other hand, the only thing that really motivates them is earning time on technology. And so we continue to adjust and readjust how we spend our time. For instance, I am able to write this blog, in large part due to snacks and a movie (and a hundred interruptions). In the bottom, right hand picture below, the kids put on a game show in our basement, with Will and I as participating audience members. It was a hoot!
Yes, the majority of the memories will be made in the hours lived without technology. Here I am below in the top left hand picture, overseeing Play Doh play on a rainy day in the garage while I attempt to get some work done on my computer.
Our garden gave us tomatoes and the hope of peaches this past month. Of course the bonus week we went up north, the peaches were all eaten off of the tree by the local deer and squirrels. For a harvest that I wait for all year, this was a tough price to pay for our bonus week up north, but still worth it. I am happy to say that I knew this would happen going in to it, and found a great fresh peach roadside stand up north, and so was able to eat some delicious consolatory peaches.
Our garden also had a bumper crop of blueberries, although not nearly as much as my mom's garden produced. We also got our first of the season green beans, and noticed a crazy parasitic wasp on a tomato hornworm in our garden. In the bottom, right hand photo below, Will cut a freshly made tray of rice crispy treats and then teased the girls about how he cut one piece for him, and one piece for them to share.
Charlie has been disappearing more and more this past month. It is breaking our heart and worrying us. At this point, we think he may have a second family that he has adopted. I would love to meet this family, and establish some open communication but at the end of the day, he is our cat. I want them to know he isn't a stray. The saga continues about loving an outdoor cat. My brother is looking in to making us a GPS tracker for Charlie that won't break the bank when he inevitably loses it, as he has lost over a dozen collars in his seven years with us.
With Will back at work, it has been very difficult to find time to work on my business and write my book. It is hard to be patient, and it is hard to feel like my dreams are not as important as the rest of the family's needs. Will and I have been in many discussions, and we are trying to come up with a schedule for me to work, even if it is just a few hours a week. Until this moment, Will has always come home whenever his work was done for the day. Every day his arrival time has been different, and I am just here at home. Now, I am requesting a set time home for two days a week, and for the other three days, to at least find out from me if he can work past a set time. This is helping me to feel appreciated, and to feel like my goals are just as important as the rest of the family's goals. I am starting to desire a more balanced work/life schedule for Will and I. I have dedicated the last twelve years to my family, and my heart is telling me it is time for me to start actively working towards my dreams, and I don't mean just when the kids are sleeping or watching TV, although I am still doing my work at those times. At the same time, I have very clear standards of how I want my kids to be raised, and I am not willing to sacrifice them. Will's 60 plus hours of work a week are where the balance is off, however the twelve years I have stepped back from a career have left me in a place where I no longer have the earning potential that Will does, and so we are stuck. Will is as supportive as husbands come though, and I am grateful for his belief in me, and his willingness to do whatever it takes for us both to be happy. The photos below in clockwise order from top left: me weighing herbs to finalize my first custom tea blend, Will helping me sort through my research notes, and the rest of the photos show the Beautiful Mind type process of me trying to organize my research. If you had told me back in my high school or college days that I would be begging my family for time to write essentially a very long research paper, I would have thought that was crazy-talk. But it's true, I have a fire in my belly and I am inspired to write this, the biggest research paper of my life.
It seems that the challenges don't stop coming though. I am still passionate about my online business selling educational materials about pollinators. Unfortunately, this past month a customer reached out to me to tell me that a garden flag I sold her was mildewing. Not long after I gave her a full refund, multiple other customers reached out to me about the same problem. It seemed my garden flag supported pollinators AND microbes. So much for my attempt to use a sustainable and eco-friendly fabric. I ended up contacting all of the customers that had bought the garden flag over the past two years, and offering them a replacement or a full refund. Most were grateful for the contact, and agreed to a replacement. This was several weeks of stress as I found a replacement fabric, and dealt with all of the manufacturing and shipping delays due to COVID. My college degree in Public Relations really helped me out. Financially, this mistake has set me back, but I am happy to report that I found a recycled polyester that will be more weather resistant, and is still eco-friendly. The replacement flag is now in the customers hands, and I haven't heard any negative feedback. Below are the new and improved garden flags.
Lucy took some great portraits of us this past month...
...and also was able to document some butterflies, bees, and frogs.
We raised monarch caterpillars from our newly planted wildflower meadow, and the chrysalises hatched right on schedule. It is nothing short of a miracle to witness them hatching, and then participate in their release.
Speaking of miracles, Violet lost two teeth this past month! Violet was so excited, as we had prepped her that she may not lose any teeth, since she is missing most of them. But, much to her happiness, she lost two in the span of two weeks. Will and I had to fight back our feelings of worry, as Violet needs to keep every tooth she has. The first tooth Violet lost was up north, so she, along with Emma's help, wrote a note to the tooth fairy and put it in the upstairs cottage window so that the tooth fairy could find her. It worked, and the tooth fairy found her no problem. The second tooth came out at home, the night before she was to receive her very first appliance from the dentist. This is where the miracle comes in. After 8 months of preparing for this appliance, she received it in the nick of time.
Violet's new appliance is an expander combined with dentures. After many set backs, mostly due to COVID (the delays ended up requiring us to do impressions again because her mouth had grown), her appliance was ready the very day after she lost a quarter of her teeth. Will and I had to make the tough call to either give her dentures to help with her self-esteem, or to give her an expander, to get her one step closer to a fully functioning mouth. We decided in January to proceed forward with the expander, despite the fact that Will and I were well aware of Violet's continued issues with the way her teeth look. This was such a tough call, but we were hoping to continue to work with Violet on her self-esteem and embracing her differences. Plus, the dentures would cost about eight grand more, but not get us one step closer to our end goal of Violet having a fully functioning mouth. As it is, we are looking at total future costs of being over $100,000 for Violet's mouth (insurance does not cover congenital dental needs), and we need to budget for the long haul.
Violet was so excited for this long-awaited dentist appointment, that she wore her favorite dress. When we got into the exam room, I noticed Violet's appliance sitting on a tray and my stomach dropped when I realized that it was dentures and not the expander we had agreed upon. I started frantically texting Will and he told me to confront the dentist in the hall, without involving Violet. The dentist walked in with the biggest smile on her face before I could confront her, and proceeded to tell me that she ended up finding a way to make Violet's appliance both an expander and a denture, and that every single member of her staff played a role in getting the appliance into Violet's mouth that day. I started crying, and despite COVID, the dentist gave me the biggest hug. From a mom AND dentist perspective, she understood just how difficult the decision was for Will and I, and just how much a confident smile would impact Violet. There are a handful of hugs that I have imprinted into my memory, mostly from times of trauma, but this hug, this hug is forever imprinted in my heart for the amazing love that it represented. The look on Violet's face when she saw her smile for the first time with her dentures in was enough to break your heart and renew your faith in humanity all at the same time. All of the staff in that very large dental practice made their way in to see Violet's new smile and I could tell that this appliance was such an act of selfless love that I felt overcome with emotion. It's an unworthy feeling to receive this level of care, and we were definitely recipients of all that is good in humankind that morning. Violet is so proud of her new smile, and she hasn't stopped smiling. On one hand, Will and I have talked about Violet's reaction, and how clearly we did not make the right decision about moving forward with an appliance and not dentures. But on the other hand, if we had not made this decision, we would not have witnessed this miracle of human love and perhaps all has unfolded as it was meant to. At the beginning of COVID, Violet told me that she was glad to wear a mask, as it hid her teeth. Now she is bummed that her mask is hiding her beautiful smile. I am so glad that Violet has the chance to hate wearing a mask like the rest of the kids on this planet right now!
I know I am not alone in saying that it feels like these past few months have felt more like years with the challenges and growth that we are going through. Writing this blog really helps me to put my life into perspective - to see the good woven throughout the challenges. Today, despite it taking four times longer to write than it would have without interruptions from my kids, I am grateful for the chance to document my life, and for my kids and Will, who really are the reason that growth, transition and challenges are worth it in the first place.
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