Bittersweet February

For the last ten years, February has been a difficult month for me.  Before Luke, I never had anything against February besides its usual frigid temperatures and it being at the point in winter where it feels like spring will never come.  After Luke, it is filled with memories and reminders.  This past February started out even more bittersweet for us with the passing of Will's grandma.   I say bittersweet, because when you love someone, thinking about them is sweet, despite the sadness that comes with missing them.  Will's grandma will be greatly missed, but Will has so many great memories of her and I feel blessed to have almost twenty years of great memories of her too.  She always made me feel as though I was one of her grandchildren, which is saying a lot, since she loved her grandchildren more than anything.  And I am also so grateful that Lucy, Emma and Violet got to feel and know her love for them too.  Here we are below at Thanksgiving this past year with Great Grandma J., as my kids called her.  

After Great Grandma J's funeral, Lucy got to help divide up the flower bouquets and I was reminded once again of the talent Lucy has with flowers, and her eye for design.  She was in her element.  I am so curious to see where this talent will take her.

Fortunately, the following weekend in February we had a happy occasion to celebrate - my nephew's third birthday and my niece's first birthday.  It was fun to have the cousins all together, and I have to give a shout out to my brother and sister-in-law who cooked a steak and potato dinner just for me, as they know that steak agrees with Opal and I.  

Family and friends helped get me through the month of February.  Below are good times with good friends...at a new restaurant for a lunch date, at the park on an unseasonably warm afternoon, and single mom dinner when both husbands are working late and you have a passel of kids between the two of you that demand dinner whether dad works late or not.

We had a quiet Valentine's Day this year because I didn't have the inspiration to send out cards or make themed crafts or baked goods.  Fortunately for my kids, Will made Valentine's Day cards and bought chocolates for each of them and signed both of our names (my kids were not fooled and referred to the cards and chocolate as from Daddy) and grandmas and grandpas and my aunt spoiled them with cards, chocolates and gifts.  The kids were especially excited that Grandma T. had found a chocolate for them in each of their favorite animals - a frog for Lucy, a polar bear for Emma and an owl for Violet.  I received a treat in the mail on Valentine's Day, as the hat and scarf set I had ordered handmade from Lithuania two months ago finally arrived!  There is Emma below, modeling my new hat.

We plugged away at school this past month, and are at the point in the school year where it is running quite smooth and are even realizing that summer break isn't that far away anymore.  In clockwise order from top left below: Lucy and Emma dancing for Parent Observation Day at ballet class, Emma working on her Geography while Lucy is in her piano lesson, Violet working on drawing with me while her sisters are having their piano lesson, Violet showing her amazing cutting skills while at her sisters' piano lesson, a store list that Will asked Lucy to write out for him that was his idea of sneaking in more handwriting practice but Lucy turned into artwork, Emma writing out a thank you note, the girls lined up on a school morning because there is only one of me and three of them and they all needed something: for mom to put clothes on a Ken doll, check answers, and read spelling words, and finally, Lucy writing a thank you note.

We had lots of indoor playtime, as it is February, and some of the less self-explanatory pictures below are Violet showing me how to play cat's cradle, Lucy showing me her Ken doll all bandaged up after he had a serious accident, Violet marching solemnly through our dining room while Lucy sang the song from the Sound of Music "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria", and Emma and Violet putting on a show for me.

I cannot even begin to explain the level of happiness it gives me to see my three girls play together.  When they fight, it is one of the most draining feelings.  Fortunately for me these days, they do play well together for most of the day.  Here they are below, in the snow.

Our weather warmed up for about a week and I realized that they play far more peacefully in the snow than they do in the mud.  They did find ways to entertain themselves though without the snow (just not for as long as if there was snow) and they had fun playing tag, Statues in the Park, Capture the Flag with Will, and making gourmet mud food at their outdoor restaurant for me.  We even had a snack on the front porch one day this past month, that's how warm it was.  Of course Charlie, after a winter of uncivilized socialization, broke up the snack crew with his licking and stealing of the cheese puffs the girls were eating.

Oh, Charlie.  He has become quite the lovable pest.  It isn't his fault that I am highly allergic to him.  But the cat can't take no for an answer.  Personally, if I was continually given the cold shoulder, I would move on but not Charlie.  He just climbs up on my shoulder now and sits there, purring contentedly as apparently I am his person.  I try to make my lap as unaccommodating as possible by leaning forward in my chair or keeping the book I am reading as a block (Opal definitely helps too) but occasionally he finds a way into my lap and when he finally does leave, I am left with muddy paw prints, hives where his claws went through my pant legs and cat hair everywhere.  A guaranteed load of laundry and a shot of Benadryl.  He's lucky he is so cute. 

Will is my person, and thank goodness he is not allergic to me.  Below are some of the many reasons that I am grateful to have him in my life: he supports me 100% in my honey business and makes no complaints about all of the manual labor involved in setting up and taking down my booth at different shows (not to mention the bee stings and manual labor that is beekeeping), he sees a challenge and is inspired to find a solution - from fixing my printer that I ruined even more after I attempted to fix it myself, to seeing the mess that is the girls' hair accessories in our bathroom and using a spare school supply caddy to organize it all so brilliantly, to caring for our chickens, to not feeling phased or stressed when all three girls want to help him make breakfast in the kitchen.

On top of which, he is the most amazing father to our five children.  Here we are below, doing our best to celebrate our firstborn's 10th birthday.  I have been torn for several years now about the environmental impact our traditional balloon launch has on the environment, but have been unable to think of a better way for our kids to symbolically interact between heaven and earth with their brother.  If Luke's birthday was in a warmer month, a butterfly release would be a no-brainer.  Will's solution - we will only release one balloon from here on out, and have thereby lessened our impact on the local plants and wildlife by 4/5.  Emma made a plaque of wood this year that she had each of us write a message to Luke on to leave at the cemetery, and there was even enough snow to make a mini snowman for him too.

We had a quiet day together, and made a homemade banana cake with cream cheese frosting that all five of us took a section from the top to decorate.  Friends delivered beautiful yellow tulips and the only kind of treat my body can tolerate right now (Hershey's milk chocolate bars - who knew!?), and we ate some of Luke's favorite foods from when I was pregnant with him - frozen pears, grilled cheese, beef roast, and of course, Tootsie-Rolls.  I was happy to be able to eat the frozen pears and beef roast.

I had some good cries on his birthday, and like the past ten years, was very relieved when his birthday  was over.  I am hoping that someday I will not dread his birthday, and focus only on the love that I have for my sweet boy.  We went through his memory box before bed, and read the stories that I read to him while he was in my belly.  Violet was hit by the weight of it, and went to bed crying heartbreaking tears while she clutched a "Luke stuffed animal" that was given to Luke at his baby shower.  This is the first time that the weight of missing Luke has hit Violet, and although my kids have never met their brother earthside, they feel his missing presence too.  I can honestly say that not a day goes by in our house where Luke's name isn't brought up by one of us, and for that I am grateful.  It is so nice to know that he holds his place in our family, no matter where he is.

It has been an interesting month emotionally, missing and remembering Luke while also preparing for and anticipating Opal's arrival.  Opal's due date on what should have been Luke's birthday ten years to the date has caused some increased anxiety in me, and I will just be so relieved when she is safe and sound in my arms and I can cover her in kisses and love.  After Luke's birthday was past, I started focusing in on what needs to be completed for Opal's arrival.  Here we are below getting ready for our newest gal: Will and the girls putting together the new umbrella stroller from Will's parents as our last one - from Luke's baby shower actually - finally broke this past fall, Will putting the crib together for the fifth time, the girls helping me sort through all of the girl baby clothes (my fourth time doing this and each time gets better because the sentimental memories just keep compiling with each daughter that has worn them), me sewing a little project or two for Opal, me with Opal's coming home from the hospital outfit, and finally, Lucy helping me with color choices for the sewing project I did for Opal.

Finally, Will cleaned out our car for the fifth time (okay, maybe not fifth time but based on the filth level, it sure seemed like it) as it only ever occurs to us how dirty our car really is when we are faced with the prospect of bringing a newborn home in it...

...and of course it took hours to clean and then to figure out how to put in all of the carseats and booster seats based on the requirements of who can independently buckle, who can't handle sitting next to who, and how mom will get all four kids into the vehicle as safely and efficiently as possible.  I think I may be staying home more, is all I have to say!  Thank goodness for grocery delivery!

So that was our February - saying goodbye to Great Grandma J., who I know spent Luke's birthday with him, remembering our Luke, and preparing for our Opal.  Isn't that just life though, the bitter with the sweet and the crumbs in the car from the ones that you love.

January

We started off the month and the new year by burning the slips of paper written with what we wanted to let go of from 2017.  It was freezing cold and Will couldn't get the paper to ignite in my honey bee smoker, and by the time the slips of paper started on fire, only Will and I were still outside.  Ah well, the important thing is that we let the bad stuff go!  New Year's Day was so cold that the food-coloring filled water balloons we had put out on our porch the night before were frozen solid and ready to be unwrapped.  Violet was the only one brave enough to handle the cold while Will unwrapped the frozen ice gems.

A co-worker of Will's had given him a gingerbread village kit for Christmas, so we spent a cold afternoon cozy inside, making the gingerbread village.  Kits like that are such a gift to parents - everything we possibly needed to make a yummy and memorable gingerbread village was in that box!

Will had a full two weeks off for the holidays, and even after New Year's was over, he still had almost half of his break still left.  We spent time with family... my sister was in town still, we exchanged gifts and shared in memory making with my cousin and her beautiful family, and we had a nice and relaxing game day with Will's family.

Emma lost both of her top front teeth after Christmas, which was delayed timing as we were hoping we could sing "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" but Emma is so traumatized about losing teeth, she held on to them for as long as possible.  See center picture below, of her tooth coming out in the first bite she took of a zucchini muffin.  She didn't want me to take a picture at the time, as she was so upset but she agrees now that it is a good picture to go along with a good story.  She likes to say the punch line, "That's not a macadamia nut!" as she shows her listeners the picture of the muffin on my phone.

More milestones this past month were Lucy and Emma completed their swimming lessons and can now successfully swim the length of the pool and back, and also do not want to pursue any sort of career or hobby in swimming.  They are happy to be done!  I found it ironic that although they have overcome their fear of water enough to swim the length of the pool and back, it is still torture for them to have the shampoo washed out of their hair.  I would have given the swim school a higher rating if they had helped with that milestone!  And Violet, pictured above, is proud of how well she has come along in her cutting skills, and is happily displaying a necklace she cut out all by herself.

When Will went back to work it was back to the school routine for the rest of us too.  I tried getting us all outside every day, even if it was for only twenty minutes.  I watched the weather on my iPhone to time our outside excursion with the warmest and on the rare occasion that there was sun that day, sunniest part of the day.  Here is Charlie below, enjoying time with us in the top picture and in the bottom picture, snuggled in his nest in our garage for the night.

Fortunately, the kids are pretty self-sufficient now when it comes to getting dressed to go outside.  Depending on Violet's mood, sometimes she can get herself outside with hat, gloves, snow pants, scarf, coat and boots all by herself, and other times she pretends helplessness and insists on me helping her.  

In the bottom, right hand picture below, Violet is bringing me a chair into the sunlight so that I can sit and watch them play.  I mostly have been reading a book while they play, huddled in my winter coat, as I am afraid to slip on any ice or snow.  I do not want Opal coming any earlier than the month she is due!

There was one or two days this past month (see above picture) where the weather hit above 50 and the kids played outside for several hours while I enjoyed the sunshine and a book.  Most of the month though involved our short daily time outside, and lots of more time spent inside.  Here the girls are below enjoying hot chocolate (Emma and Violet) and tea (Lucy), doing crafts, playing with their Calico Critters, building Duplos and riding on their bouncey balls around our first floor.

Violet for the most part finds ways to amuse herself while Lucy, Emma and I work on school during the week and here Violet is below doing yoga, playing with her baby dolls, setting up books for me to read to her when I am done working with Lucy and Emma, reading her own books, and building towers.  She really has grown so independent this past year, and as long as we stick to our routine, she does great being patient for mama time.

She has an interesting relationship with Will - heaven forbid Will come between her and I, but she does enjoy being silly with him.  Here she is below giving Will a face massage with her feet, cuddling Will before bed, and offering him a Play Doh creation.

 Yes, Violet is still a mama's girl and it will be interesting to see what happens when Opal is here.  Transitioning the relationship of my youngest child to adjusting to a new baby and not being the youngest anymore always pulls on my heartstrings.  The first time they hear me refer to their new sibling as "my baby" always fills me with guilt and shocks them.  I know it all works out eventually, but it really is a special time being the youngest and having that special place in my arms.  It is a transition for me too and one that Violet and I will both grieve for a time and then adjust.  Here we are below, preparing for Opal - the girls being so good at a routine doctor appointment for me and Opal, Violet and Emma in the shopping cart at Target as I pile in what can only be described as nesting supplies - new sheets, pillows, cleaning supplies, and random organizing tools.  Will pointed out that when we put all of the items on the belt at the cash register that it looked like we had just moved into our first apartment.  Will is doing his own nesting though, and decided to cut a hole in the wall of our closet to make more storage space.

I have been feeling pretty good, although I will admit at this point that I am getting tired of my limited food choices.  The girls have been great helping around the house though, and there was even that one time that I laid down on the couch to rest while they played with Play Doh and brought me all of my favorite foods made out of Play Doh that I used to eat before I was pregnant and then CLEANED UP THE PLAY DOH ALL BY THEMSELVES.  Play Doh is one of those things where they are content to play for a long time, but it takes just as long for me to clean it all up.  There is no free ride.  But this one time, I was given a free ride.  I hope this means that life as a mom is only getting better from here!

We spent time with friends this past month from tea parties, to all day play dates and even a winter festival where there was no snow but still lots of fun.

 Our church held a family volunteer afternoon, and we happily participated by writing cards, decorating them with stickers and packing up care kits complete with hand warmers and lip balms for those less fortunate than us.

 We took a day off of school, and Will took a morning off of work and we enjoyed the play Mr. Popper's Penguins at the local Community College.  It was extremely well done, and we all enjoyed it.  Especially since we had just finished rereading Mr. Popper's Penguins the night before!  We also strolled our downtown and enjoyed looking at the game-themed ice sculptures during our town's winter fest this past month.

 Our chickens are laying eggs in full force, and it's nice to see the beautiful colors and variations and to crack those eggs and see the fresh, vibrant and healthy yokes.  There really is no comparison.  Violet has loved being my little helper this past month, and has helped with cooking, cleaning and even mailing out items for Harding Honey.  Will also made a giant batch of meatballs for the freezer as they make for an quick and easy week night meal where I can just boil some pasta, open a jar of marinara sauce, and plop in a handful of our homemade frozen meatballs.

As much as I feel exhausted and am wondering where I will find the oomph to care for a newborn again, I do think that my three older girls will continue to surprise me with their capabilities, and their excitement for their baby sister.  We are approaching Luke's tenth birthday now, and I am starting to feel the need to hibernate and spend some quiet time in the remembering.  It is interesting timing, what with Opal kicking around inside of me as I remember my last days with Luke kicking around inside of me.  Also interesting to note is that this past month marked the 10th anniversary of me writing this blog, and soon we will be doing our best to celebrate earth-side the 10th birthday of our firstborn in heaven.  What a journey it has been, and although I would have picked a different path, I can't help but feel so grateful for the life I have, and the people I get to share it with.

The Holiday Part of Life in December

We had busy but memorable holidays this past month, and my favorite part of all of it was announcing to the world that Baby T 5 is officially named...Opal Marie.  Not only did we put her name on a stocking (and then order a full-family's worth of matching stockings), but also on an ornament and our Christmas card.  Announcing our baby's name as soon as we have official gender confirmation has been a tradition we have put in place since losing Luke.  When we were pregnant with Luke, I compromised with Will who wanted to have our first child's gender be a surprise.  Being the planning type myself, I had wanted to know the gender as soon as possible but I figured we could compromise the other way and find out the gender with our next child.  After Luke died, I lived with serious regrets - not only did I feel that having our unborn child be a surprise made some serious assumptions that he would arrive safe and sound and give us a lifetime of knowing him, but also that with all of the ultrasounds we had with Luke that we were at that point playing a game to keep the surprise.  I wished that we had officially called him by name for as long as possible with him alive with us, and not only after he had died.  Once we know the gender of our baby, it is a relief to me to have our baby officially named, as I feel like at least, no matter what happens from here, our baby is named and therefore an official member of our family.  One of the great things about Christmas time for me, is all of the opportunities to see all five of my children's names together.  On our Christmas card, on our ornaments, and even on our stocking line up.  Since I will never be able to have all of my kids together on earth at the same time, having their names together is a small gift to me.  And as I told Will after we hung up Opal's new gingerbread girl ornament - wow, we are just a few cookies short of a full sheet!

Since we had Luke, it has also been a tradition that the youngest sibling names the new baby.  We didn't plan it that way, but it seems to have worked out that way and I haven't been disappointed yet.  When I was pregnant with Lucy, and even before we had an ultrasound that revealed her gender, Luke told me in a dream that I was going to have a healthy baby girl named Lucy.  When we found out that Lucy was in fact a healthy baby girl, there was no doubt in Will's and my mind that her name was Lucy.  Flash forward two more years and Will and I are having a hard time agreeing on a name for our newest baby girl.  One Sunday afternoon about two weeks after the ultrasound revealed Emma was a healthy baby girl, I spent my morning in church praying to God to give me a sign for our littlest baby's name.  Will and I were sitting with Lucy later that day while she drew pictures at our kitchen table.  When I asked what she was drawing, she told me "Emma."  At first I thought she said "mama" and after she kept insisting "Emma", Will and I then thought she was saying "Elmo".  She finally got through to us that it was a picture of "Emma" and patted my stomach.  Will and I smiled at each other and knew without a doubt that we had received our sign.  Flash forward three more years and now we are catching on to the trend of the youngest sibling naming their baby sibling.  When we found out Violet was a healthy baby girl via ultrasound, we kept asking Emma what she thought her baby sister's name should be and she kept insisting over several weeks that her name was "Purple Flower." Finally, after some tweaking, we agreed that Violet Rose would make a beautiful name.  Now, flash forward four more years and Violet is the sister potentially given the liberty of naming a baby sibling.  Unfortunately, because she is older than Lucy and Emma were when they named their baby sister, that means Violet is not as immune to the opinions of others like a younger child could potentially be.  Her initial name choice was Ella Bella, but she was soon influenced by her older sisters.  Lucy got it in her mind that the first letter in each of her and her sisters names could spell L.O.V.E. if only they had a sister whose name began with the letter O.  The timing was surely interesting, as we had just finished reading the book "Because of Winn Dixie" where the main character's name was Opal.  And then of course, as the news of having a baby sister was settling in at the end of this past summer, the girls watched the movie "Because of Winn Dixie" too.  Before they even knew that Opal was in fact a girl, they had collectively and unanimously named their baby sister Opal.  At three months pregnant, we had a blood test that said Opal was probably a girl.  This was all the three older sisters needed to hear, and they began calling their baby sister Opal from then on.  After weeks of telling them that we would not name her until an official ultrasound showed that she was a girl, I gave up on correcting them when they called their baby Opal.  When I was almost 5 months along and we finally arrived at our official ultrasound, can you believe my surprise when the receptionist who checked me in was wearing a wedding ring inset with not diamonds, but three opals.  I called the girls over to see her ring, and they were shocked to find out that opals were a gemstone and not just someone's name from a book they liked.  Exclamations of, "It's so beautiful!" and "It looks like glitter and rainbows!" and "there are three of them just like Opal has three sisters!" made me realize right then and there that if our ultrasound in a couple of minutes confirmed that Opal was a girl, we would officially call her that.  I love that each of my kids has a story behind their name, and I am so grateful to Luke for this tradition of each sibling reaching down to the next that has managed to live on and has resulted in the most beautiful names I could never think of myself - or that Will and I could agree on!

After officially naming the youngest member of our family, we proceeded through the rest of our holidays with magic, busyness and "mostly" joy.  Here the girls and I are below making cinnamon applesauce ornaments.  I made far too many and wrote on a note that I tucked into a Christmas bin after the holidays that said, "Never Double a Christmas Recipe.  Never."  Will intervened, and ended up throwing half of the ornaments into the garbage, releasing me from the stress of finding something to do with them.  Bless you, Will.

I think because my food choices are so limited right now, that I threw myself whole-heartedly into all of the Christmas crafts that have been on my Pinterest radar for years and decided to make them all this year.  In one day.  Call me crazy.  My mom and sister were recruited to pull off the below craft, and we had a fun and memorable afternoon making citrus dried wreaths and ornaments.  I would have been a complete grump by the end of this project if it wasn't for their enthusiasm, and even still, I may have been slightly cranky by the end of the day.

The last craft on my Christmas bucket list was stringing cranberries and popcorn for the birds.  The girls and I did this on the first day of winter to give as a gift to the neighborhood birds.  They turned out lovely, and we even had friends over that afternoon that joined in on the fun.

In the top left photo below, Violet helped me wrap presents, which I was annoyed with at first, as I was on deadline, but ended up being one of my most favorite memories of the holidays.  Her little chubby hands and her level of excitement to be genuinely helping me with just her and I in the room was such a happy experience, and truly, was the first time I felt like I was experiencing the true meaning of the holiday this season.  With my over-zealous craft endeavors behind me, I really did stay in the spirit of Christmas and the family helped me stuff, seal and mail out our Christmas cards in record time (top right-hand picture below), in the bottom right-hand picture below are Lucy, Emma and Violet proudly standing behind our new stockings, and finally in the bottom left-hand picture below are the girls excitedly and proudly putting the presents they bought and/or made for their family members under the Christmas tree.

We celebrated St. Nick's Day this past month and since the girls never got a chance to officially sit on Santa's lap and tell him what they wanted for Christmas this year, we had them each leave a note in their shoe for Good Ol' Saint Nick.  He took their notes, and left in their place oranges, chocolate coins, a Lego advent calendar and magically, a playing card to the game Sleeping Queens that Emma had lost the day before when she threw it in a fit of anger.  We had gotten the game from a friend just days prior to Emma throwing and losing the card, and so in my annoyance I told Emma that there would be no TV until that card was found.  We all turned the house upside down and still could not find the card.  St. Nick gave a gift to all of us when he located that missing card!  Enforcing no TV for an indefinite amount of time would have probably made me eat my words, or at the very least, severely regret them!  The rest of the pictures below show us making Christmas ornament bead art to decorate Luke's grave blanket with.  It was nice that Violet was able to participate fully this year in our annual ornament making for Luke.

On Christmas Eve we decorated Luke's grave blanket with our new ornaments as well as the ornaments that have lasted from previous seasons.  We then visited Luke's grave at the cemetery and I had a good cry when the weight of my missing our firstborn hit me, multiplied by the fact that it has been a decade now of Christmas Eve's spent at the cemetery.  

I would never have picked this path, missing one of my children so immensely that it can take your breath away.  However, just like the naming of my children has been out of my hands, but has resulted in the most beautiful stories and fitting names, I do feel as though my beautiful life, although mostly out of my hands, has been better than I could have ever planned.  Here I stood at my son's grave, yes, with tears falling, but surrounded by my best friend and three daughters with another daughter wiggling around in my belly.  It hit me that in the course of a decade, so many highs and lows will inevitably happen, but when looking back at those ten years, I cannot believe how truly blessed I am.  The rest of our Christmas Eve was lovely.  It is probably my most favorite day of the entire year, especially with young kids.  We attended Christmas Eve mass at our church - got there 45 minutes early and were fortunate to have the very last pew in the church, came home and after pictures in front of the Christmas tree, got into our most comfy clothes.  While Will and I made a simple yet favorite meal of sloppy Joe's the girls read Christmas books snuggled on the couch.  After our Christmas Eve dinner complete with sparkling cider and fresh chocolate chip cookie bars for dessert that the girls and Will had made earlier in the day in order to have some cookies to leave out for Santa, we all snuggled on the couch for a couple more Christmas stories before bed.

The girls slept pretty good for the most part, and didn't wake us up too early on Christmas morning, which was a gift in itself considering the last couple of nights Will and I had stayed up way too late making the play tent in the below pictures.  This was another Pinterest inspiration to fulfill the tradition of Will making something out of wood each year for the girls for Christmas.  In true Will fashion, he waited until the week before Christmas to plan his gift and as I stress more about it than he does, I helped direct him to the play tent, as there seemed to be just simple dowels involved.  I didn't realize however that the vintage sheet draped over the dowels in the Pinterest tutorial was actually quite a sewing feat that ended up taking me three very late nights to complete.  I shook my fist at Will until I realized that he was perfectly capable of helping me pin and iron and feed the giant piece of fabric through the sewing machine.  It turned out really cute, but Will better not wait until the last minute next year!  Also note in the top, right hand picture below our garland of cinnamon applesauce ornaments.  Pinterest, I don't know whether to love you or cut you out of my life completely!

Present opening was a fun and chaotic experience, made happier by the fact that it was snowing the most beautiful, big, soft snow flakes throughout the entire morning outside our windows.  That, combined with the smells of Christmas breakfast bacon and cinnamon rolls and the Christmas music playing in the background made for a very delightful morning.

The girls all got what they had asked for, and were happy with the surprises that came as well.

Violet's favorite Christmas present I believe was the chocolates left on the table by Santa, Lucy was enthralled with her magic marker maker (something she asked for) and her fashion design kit (a surprise from Santa) and Emma was pleased with her locket and snow globe (both of which she asked for) and Violet also got the snow globe she asked for.  

We all received some fun movies and puzzles, and Will was intrigued by the present that he mistakenly thought was addressed to Muttoney and I had to laugh and explain that my sloppy handwriting had written "To: My Honey."  

In the aftermath of wrapping paper, new toys and breakfast crumbs, I settled into the couch with a cup of hot tea, a new book and the joy of having my family happily and harmoniously playing inside with their new gifts while Christmas music continued to play and the snow continued to fall so beautifully outside my window.  Truly, this is the stuff Christmas dreams are made of.

We spent Christmas with Will's family a few days before Christmas, and had a lovely time with Will's  parents, brother and partner, and his great-grandmother.

Highlights included playing a stacking game with red pom-pom balls that Will was the reigning champion of, me receiving a black and white photo of Will's grandma bathing his mom as a baby in the very same enamel basin that my Christmas gifts were presented to me in, and a giant cinnamon roll cake for dessert.

We spent Christmas afternoon with my side of the family, and enjoyed present exchanging, and general cousin rowdiness.

We finished off Christmas evening with Christmas carols sung and played around the piano while the cousins danced their hearts out.

Will's time off of work this year created almost two full weeks of vacation time AFTER Christmas.  This was pure stress for me leading up until Christmas as I had to get everything in order while still managing school and Will for the most part at work, but it did create a lovely and relaxing two weeks after Christmas.  The weather was unbelievably cold, and so for the most part, we hibernated and played with our new toys.  Legos, games, puzzles, Play Doh, snow globe making kits, gingerbread house kits and books left us content indoors for the most part.

Will and I had numerous doctor appointments and lab tests unfortunately over break - me for routine pregnancy related things and to continue to find a remedy for my allergy issues, and Will for kidney stone management and unfortunately, for his ulcerative colitis which seems to be back.  Lucy had some lab tests done as well to get to the bottom of some stomach troubles she has been having and did such a great job getting her blood taken.  We left the house in the bitter cold for more than just medical reasons though - we went and saw the movie Ferdinand with Will's parents, visited a giant Christmas town about an hour and a half away where we bought Opal her first Christmas Ornament, and Will and I even got out on a date and saw the movie Wonder, which was the book I read on Christmas day.

My sister was in town for the holidays from the East Coast, and we gladly and quickly ushered her in from the cold when she would come to visit us, and also helped to pass the time indoors as the weather outside was so frightfully cold.

On New Year's Eve, I decided to embrace the extreme frigid temperatures, and the girls and I filled up  balloons with water and food dye combinations of their choice and then convinced Will to line them up outside on our porch railing.  We had a nice quiet evening at home, with another special meal complete with sparkling cider and this time, brownies and ice cream (and butternut squash with maple syrup for me) to ring in the new year.

I love our quiet New Year's celebrations at home while the girls are young and still want to be with us.  We wrote on slips of paper the things that we wanted to let go of from the old year, and then made a fun list of things we wanted to do in the new year.  We were all sound asleep in our cozy beds before the clock struck midnight, and I couldn't be more grateful of the year we've had and the year we are beginning now.  Here's to better health for Will and I, meeting our youngest little girl Opal Marie, and embracing the ups and downs all four of our girls will surely bring this year!

The Regular Part of Life in December

The thing about the month of December is that the regular happenings like school, extra-curricular activities, and cooking, feeding and caring for the family, not to mention ensuring that everyone in the family has the love and attention that they need still needs to happen while holiday activities are also added in.  It is a wonder that there is any time left over for holiday activities, however as you will see in a blog post following this one, there was plenty of holiday happenings that managed to find a way in.  But the blog post below will focus on the regular happenings in a month of a family of five on earth plus one cat, seven chickens, some bees and time with friends and family.

Below in clockwise order from top left, the girls in their yoga class, Violet proud of the fox she cut out in her Learn to Cut book that she does every week during the girls' piano class, Violet being carried for part of the almost daily walks we tried to take this past month, knowing that the weather could turn to unwalkable conditions any day, starting the weeks-long hibernation that we know is inevitable, Emma and Violet dancing to the music Lucy played during her piano lesson, and finally, the snow fort that the girls were able to build based on the December snow that inevitably did fall, curtailing our daily walks until the spring thaw.  The nice thing about our homeschooling day is that we were done with both school and extra-curricular activities by early afternoon which gave us plenty of daylight still for outdoor play or walks, weather permitting, and you better believe we took advantage of every day we possibly could outdoors.

Lucy and Emma had their annual Christmas Benefit Recital this past month and did an excellent job raising money and awareness for ALS by dancing to the song "Take Me Out to the Ball Game".

 They had two performances - one on the big stage at a local high school where both sets of grandparents and some aunts and an uncle were able to attend, and then another, smaller recital at our local Senior Citizen community house, where Violet and I were able to watch in the audience, which was a treat for me because I volunteered back stage for the high school performance.  Pictures below starting from the top left: Lucy and Emma on stage for the finale, Lucy and Emma on stage with their classmates at the mini-recital, Violet greeting Lucy after the show, our VIP's that came to watch the girls dance, Violet enjoying cake while waiting for Lucy and Emma to come on stage for the mini-recital, and finally, our little family after the performance at the high school.

We enjoyed time with family this past month for my youngest brother's graduation from college celebration, and another party with my dad's side of the family for their annual Christmas party.  As always, it is great to watch another generation of cousins play together.

We had play dates with friends and even a friend's birthday party at a ceramics studio where everyone got to paint an item of their choosing.

In the pictures below from top left: I took Harding Honey on the road for a craft show that Will's mom put on for a genealogical fundraiser, Will cleaning out our bees for the season when we realized that five of our six hives have already died or left which is sad, but better to be able to clean them up now, then when rot and mold have set in by springtime, and finally, Violet and Emma helping me make product for the craft show.

We did take all of the extra honey stores that the bees in the gone hives left, and consolidated it all on our one remaining living hive, so hopefully that gives them a good, strong bonus to get through the winter.

We enjoyed lots of games this past month, with a favorite being a game sent to us by our friends called Sleeping Queens, tea parties, hot chocolate and of course snuggles on the couch while watching movies.  I would like to note that TV time is a great time for me to rest or get projects done but that there is no free ride, and the amount of time spent watching TV is usually the amount of time needed afterward for the Timmerman girls to TBRL - Transition Back into Real Life.  I'm still trying to decide if this price tag is worth it.

Lucy and Emma both lost a tooth this past month.  It was about 24 hours from when Lucy found out she had a loose tooth, to when it was out and in her hand.  She was a girl on a mission - extricate tooth and earn money and bragging rights.  Emma on the other hand, had been nursing her loose tooth from almost a year now and it fell out while brushing her teeth.  Emma was also on a mission - avoid pain and potential bleeding and trauma for as long as possible.  I'd say both girls were successful in their own ways.

Violet continues to sleep badly, and for some reason refuses to sleep in unless of course we have someplace to be that morning (which is very rare, as I do not like rushing in the morning - perks of homeschool life!).  But you better believe that if we do have a random thing to be at in the early morning that Violet sleeps in that day.  Violet continues to vacillate between so very cranky from not enough sleep to being absolutely hilarious.  She loves to make us laugh and continues to keep us on our toes.  The photo below with the random food wrappers and scissors is what we found under her bed one evening at bedtime when she refused to tell us what she was eating and where the food she refused to acknowledge in her mouth had come from.  In the bottom, right hand picture below, I came upstairs one morning to find a pair of Violet's pants hanging out of the toilet.  Whenever we ask Violet to explain something she knows she could get in trouble for, she responds by saying "Nothing."  Violet, what are you eating? "Nothing."  Violet, why are your pants hanging out of the toilet? "Nothing."  You get the idea.  Upon further investigation, Violet finally did inform me that she thought it would be a good way for her pants to dry after they had fallen IN the toilet.  It's still unclear as to why her pants had fallen in the toilet to begin with.

Baby T 5 has yet to reveal her personality or her role in our family, but I am definitely looking forward to getting to know her.  In the meantime, she wiggles around in my stomach and seems to prefer to move when I am trying to sleep.  In the pictures below from the top left: me holding up pure maple syrup straight from Vermont that my Aunt and Uncle had shipped special to me when they found out that it is one of the few foods that I can tolerate (this surprise absolutely made my day and I am not ashamed to say that I am not sharing with anyone besides Baby T 5), me taking whole-hearted advantage of a parking spot for Expectant Mothers at the very front of a parking lot on a day that was snowing with temperatures in the single digits, Lucy and Emma rubbing my feet after being on them for too long doing Christmas prep, and finally, Emma looking into the hole that Will cut into their closet wall to measure out a new built-in dresser that we will be installing now that the three girls are all in one room and there is no room for three girls worth of clothes.  Finally, the inset picture is of the vintage treasures we found when Will cut into the wall.  Apparently it used to be another little girl's closet.

We did lots of cooking in bulk this past month for individual freezer meals, including apple cobbler made with oats, butter, apples and maple syrup (all ingredients I can tolerate and for me to enjoy when the rest of the family eats holiday goodies), roast chicken and veggies, chicken soup, beef stew, zucchini muffins and the best foodie news of the month - the first eggs laid by our chickens.

I would be remiss if I talked about my four girls, our chickens and our bees and not our beloved cat.  Charlie definitely is missing his family now that winter is here for a while, and his number one mission is to get into the house.  The photos in clockwise order from top left below: Charlie staring me down through a construction paper wreath early one morning as I sipped my tea at the kitchen table before the rest of the family woke up, Lucy giving Charlie snuggles, Will feeding Charlie through the "drive-through" window to avoid going out in the freezing cold, and finally, Will catching Charlie who had snuck in the house for the hundredth time.  Poor Charlie, winter is not an easy season for him and I so wish that my allergies allowed our lovable cat residence in our house.  But, he does have an insulated garage, blankets, plenty of high quality cat food, and a buffet of local wildlife for his adventure and taste.

All in all, it was a good month spent catering to and spending time with the ones I love - Will, my four girls, our chickens and bees and of course, Charlie the cat.