Carpe Diem in October

There is something about Fall that makes me want to seize each moment spent outside.  The vibrancy of red, orange, yellow, brown and green leaves contrasted against the rich blue of the sky, the sound of leaves crunching beneath my feet and the crisp feel of autumn air on my face make it easy to stay present in the moment.  It is impossible to be distracted when the wind picks up and the maple tree in my yard lets go a shower of yellow leaves that rain down on me like snowflakes.  I want to spin around with my head thrown back and my arms outstretched to catch the leaves as they gently float to the ground.  Except my arms are full, holding Violet, coats, bags... life.  And so I watch my children who are experts at living in the moment, enjoy fall to it's fullest with me.

Lucy is oblivious of the impending winter hibernation as she discovers milkweed seed pods and blows them free into the wind.  Emma is blissfully unaware of the long dark days of winter as she begs me to hold her coat while she runs like a wild child through a sunny meadow on an afternoon hike.

Even a fall rain can't keep us inside, as I count on my fingers the number of potential days left before the cold hits.  Here we are below on a hayride through a pumpkin patch and enjoying a giant jumping pillow and petting farm at a local apple orchard.

At the beginning of October I experienced an emergency that magnified my appreciation of living in the present moment even more.  We had just finished eating dinner and I was cleaning up in the kitchen when severe stomach pain hit me like a kick to my gut.  Not long after I was in the bathroom, purging my system with such violent force that I started sweating like someone had poured a bucket of water over me.  After about an hour of severe pain, I found myself on the bathroom floor, itching like crazy.  My scalp felt like it was an inch thicker than normal and the palms of my hands and feet were on fire they were so itchy.  The next thing I remember, I woke up on the couch with an EMS worker telling me that I was having an allergic reaction and she had just given me a shot of Benadryl.  As my eyes focused, I saw Lucy and Emma on the couch next to me crying, and several other EMS workers gathered around me.  Everything began to make sense then, as the Benadryl provided almost instant relief.  I had honestly thought that I was dying and had no idea what was happening to me in between dinner and finding myself on the couch.  The stomach pain I had experienced was more intense than childbirth and I realize that this sounds overly dramatic, but the truth is I had made my peace with God. I felt such relief and gratitude when I realized I was going to be okay.  I took a ride in the ambulance and the ER staff gave me more Benadryl in my IV.  About two hours later I was back home with Will and my babies.  I had a blissful night's sleep, thanks in large part to the massive amounts of Benadryl in my system and also thanks to the amazing levels of gratitude I felt at feeling perfectly healthy and cozy in my own bed, in my own house, with my husband and babies sleeping nearby.

It's amazing how long days taking care of three little people and a bunch of animals can go from exhausting tediousness to incomprehensible joy and gratitude.  Countless doctor appointments and lab work later, the medical community is still unsure of what caused my allergic reaction.  I unfortunately have experienced several more "episodes" but they seem to be subsiding now and I half joke when I say that I've been sipping a Costco sized bottle of Benadryl during each episode to avoid another ER visit.  Lucy and Emma have handled my emergency situation differently.  Will told me later that Lucy was sobbing uncontrollably as the ambulance drove away with me inside while Emma kept calmly telling Lucy, "Mom said she was going to be okay Lucy.  She's going to be okay."  Since then, I have overheard them talking about ambulance rides and hospital visits while playing Legos, Barbies and with their baby dolls.  We have also worked out the experience with a journal entry and picture drawing.  Neither of them want to talk about it directly with me, however Lucy did verbalize for her journal entry that she was afraid because she didn't know what was going to happen.  

I am so thankful for the chance to raise my beautiful babies and be there with them through the happy and the tough times of every day life.  I also am thankful for Will in more ways than one.  When I was discharged from the ER, I went to get up out of the hospital bed and realized that I didn't have any shoes with me.  When I commented to Will that I didn't have shoes he responded, "You should be glad that you have pants on."  After a stunned look from me, I inquired as to what he meant.  He then told me in no uncertain terms that putting a pair of pants on me while he was talking to the 911 operator was no easy feat but he managed before the EMS workers arrived on the scene.  I have no recollection of this, however my gratitude is more than I could ever thank him for!  Needless to say, I happily left the hospital in brown hospital grade socks with rubber grippers on the bottoms.  Will takes such good care of all of his girls and I really do think he enjoys most of it.  Here he is below with his three littlest girls.  In the right hand top picture he is hanging out at Lucy and Emma's dance studio while holding a sleeping Violet.  Will takes the girls to dance by himself sometimes too and passes the time by texting me inspirational quotes from the dance posters hanging up around the studio.  In the bottom right hand picture I found Will building one of Lucy's Lego sets after the girls had gone to bed one night.  Fortunately for Will, he loved playing Legos as a kid too (as did I) and so isn't completely immersed in new territory when it comes to spending time with his girls.

Will's birthday was this past month and we celebrated a day early since he was out of town on his actual birthday.  We spent the day eating his favorite foods, opening presents and going on a gorgeous fall hike.  Before our hike we sang happy birthday over a tray of peanut butter rice crispy treats.  It was too windy for the candle flames, but the rice crispy treats were still delicious. 

We had fun with family and friends this past month from playing at the park after our kids yoga class, to play dates at home, time spent at a restaurant and a cider mill, visits with my sisters and a trip to visit my aunt in Lansing.

We plugged away at school work despite Violet's best laid plans to never nap and be constantly held.  We went to a play based on the children's book Harry the Dirty Dog and had a great time.

The girls put on a science show about air from our science unit and performed it for Will when he got home from work.  We also enjoyed a unit on medieval times complete with castles and dragons.

We also watched as our meat birds grew big enough to move them out of our garage and onto the lawn in the movable coop that Will made for them.  Lucy was disappointed that the chickens were only cute and cuddly for about two weeks but doesn't seem concerned about their eventual fate.

We enjoyed several fall events around town including an event our downtown put on with live mannequins in shop windows, modeling popular TV shows from the 60's and 70's.  Some of our favorites included I Love Lucy and The Hulk.  The Hulk was played by a real life body builder who was painted green and really made an impression on both me AND my daughters.  Will got a huge kick out of this, and imagine my amusement when I texted him a picture that Emma drew of The Hulk the following day.  We also attended a Oktoberfest at our church, complete with lots of games for the kids and plenty of prizes.

We enjoyed trick or treating at our Farmer's Market which is always a good time as we say goodbye to our favorite vendors for the season and our girls collect high quality treats like locally grown apples, pumpkins and handmade soap.  We had fun this year meeting friends there and watching our Mary Poppins, Cinderella and Cabbage Patch kid make their debuts.

The actual night of Halloween was snowy with a frigidly cold wind.  We visited nine houses total - only the neighbors we know closest to our house - before we called it a night.  I thought I would have to beg Lucy and Emma to come home an hour earlier than past years however they were as relieved as Will and I were when we left the porch of our last neighbor and headed home.

I have been thinking a lot about how human nature can take for granted all of life's blessings without experiencing hardship and even heart break.  Perhaps hardships are actually blessings in and of themselves as it may be impossible to experience true gratitude without going through tough times.  I believe losing Luke has caused a deeper level of appreciation for my subsequent babies, but even still, as time goes on, my heart continues to heal and it becomes easier to take my blessings for granted.  And although my emergency this past month thankfully turned out to be non-life threatening, it gave me a renewed appreciation of my simple little life and all of the treasures I have hidden in regular, every day moments with my babies and Will.

Violet at 6 Months

Our littlest lady is a half of a year old now!  To celebrate her half birthday, we took her picture with a pumpkin, just like we took her sisters' pictures on their half birthdays.

I actually tried taking her picture a day prior to her half birthday, but she was too curious to be smiley.  Below are the photos from the dress rehearsal half birthday photo shoot.

I love the fact that her little pumpkin hat was worn by her big sisters too, and that we still get so many compliments on how cute it is.  My Aunt Theresa gave it to Lucy over five years ago now!  Here Violet is below with her God Mother.

Violet is starting to recognize people outside of her family, and also has become aware of stranger danger.  She will now cry hysterically if she loses sight of me when someone outside of her immediate family is holding her.  Fortunately, her occupational therapist has been around for more than half of her life, so she is considered safe by Violet.  Here Violet is below at OT, enjoying some smiles with her therapist.  Violet's mouth continues to improve and we are hoping to graduate from the weekly appointments soon.

Violet loves her daddy, and opens her mouth in a wide smile whenever she spots Will.  Here Violet is below, giggling like crazy while Will spins her belly on top of his head.

 Violet has discovered Lucy's life-sized baby doll and enjoys giving it kisses and slobbering it's face.

Violet is at that awkward stage where she wants to get down on the ground to play, but once she is there becomes quickly frustrated because she still isn't as mobile as she would like.  Here she is below, scooting around in her big sisters' bedroom.  For some reason, she always ends up stuck half way under the beds.

Violet hasn't taken a good nap in weeks, and reminds me of her older sisters so much.  I've noticed that I have developed the standard phrase, "She should be sleeping" when people inquire as to how Violet is.  Her personality tends to lean towards the more serious side like her older sisters too, but Will and I do think she smiles a little faster than Lucy and Emma did.  It's taken her months however to decide if she likes taking a bath.

I now need a distraction each time I change her diaper as she twists and turns so much I can't get her diaper on.

Violet is starting to show more affection, and will take my face between her hands while planting a wet, open-mouthed kiss on my face.  She also likes to gently touch my face with her little hands, like she is trying to blindly memorize my features.  This melts my heart and makes all of the sleep deprivation totally worth it.

Finally, here is Violet's First Halloween costume, a real-life cabbage patch girl!  I had three cabbage patch dolls when I was a kid and I can hardly believe that I have three girls now.  Samantha, Nicole and Laura have nothing on the cuteness of my Lucy, Emma and Violet.

It's hard to believe that Violet is 6 months old now.  She had her 6 month check up this past week and is officially the same height that her sisters were on their first birthdays.  It seems that Violet will be much taller than her older sisters and I am curious to learn more about who our little Violet is and will be.

September

Despite a summer that was more wet and cold than hot and sunny, we are having a glorious fall here in Michigan.  Lots of sunny days with perfect temperatures has made for great days with the kids.  Here my girls are below, enjoying a sunny day car ride.

For homeschooling our time spent on structured learning includes reading, writing and math which takes about one to two hours on the days that Violet takes good naps.  The other 96% of the time, it takes all day as we work between Violet's fussy periods.  I usually work with the older girls with Violet in the front pack carrier as I sway back and forth while stuffing a pacifier in her mouth.  Fortunately the older girls don't seem to mind and we have accomplished what we need to so far.

At the top of each week's lesson plans I have a reminder posted: Read Stories!  Play!  Have Fun!  This has definitely helped me to keep things in perspective when Violet has other plans for our structured learning time.  One of the reasons we decided to try alternative schooling as opposed to the all day kindergarten offered where we live is to ensure that Lucy has age appropriate free play throughout her day.  I am beginning to think that Violet may not be the road block I initially thought, as the time I spend taking care of her ensures that I don't get too carried away with busy work for the girls and they are free to play as they wish for most of the day.  I had to capture the below center picture the other day as I was cracking up.  Emma was playing with a Barbie quietly on the bed next to me as we were resting during our daily afternoon Quiet Time.  All of a sudden I heard a snap.  When I looked at Emma her back was to me, but I saw her freeze then dart her eyes from side to side.  It was then I noticed that the leg had snapped off of her Barbie.  I said nothing, curious to see how Emma was going to react.  After a long pause, she resumed playing - this time with two toys - the one-legged Barbie and one long Barbie leg.  As she danced both of them around, one in each hand while singing a little song I couldn't help but start laughing at how she seemed pleased that her Barbie now had a dancing partner!

We have been practicing what I call "immersion science" as the girls help us raise twenty meat birds and six new laying hens.  Lucy absolutely loved playing with them when they were baby chicks and would have to be dragged out of the pen when the sweat started dripping off of her from the heat lamp.  As if my life wasn't crazy enough caring for our current laying hens, our cat, 60,000 bees, some frogs, butterfly chrysalises and my three kids we just had to add twenty six baby chicks.  At the beginning of this past month I got a text from Will that the baby chicks were ready to be picked up at the Post Office.  Picture me standing in a horribly long line as the girls and I listened to the peeping of chicks coming from behind the post office counter.  When it was finally our turn, I was asked for ID to prove that I was who I said I was to pick up the chicks.  Flustered, I explained that my ID was in the car and who else would come to the post office in the highly suburban town we lived in, requesting a box of baby chicks!?  Without waiting for a reply, I took the chirping box off of the counter and walked out with my three girls and twenty-six chicks.  At this point we were running very late for an appointment so I called our favorite sandwich place and asked if they could deliver the food to our car when I pulled into their parking lot.  Imagine the look on the guy's face when he handed my sandwiches and fries through the window and heard peeping coming out of the giant cardboard box sitting in the front passenger seat.  Yes, we practice a fine balance between fast food and slow food!

The chicks have grown fast and are almost full grown and ready to be processed.  I have tried to distance myself emotionally from them to help make the final part of their life easier.  Our garage is getting stinkier by the day and the birds have definitely lost their cute baby chick look.  My heart strings aren't completely hardened however, as they are still making sweet baby chick chirps.  We also had to let the frogs go this past month, which was emotional for the girls.  As the days continued to become more and more like fall it was becoming harder and harder to find food for the frogs.  Here are the girls below letting the frogs go in our garden.  The bottom left hand picture is of Lucy holding a baby chick.

For the frog release, we made sure that Charlie was locked in the garage.  Charlie has taken to sleeping on a blanket on top of the chicken pen and I can only imagine what his dreams are about.  He also loves paying close attention to whatever daily catch is in Lucy's bug box.  On more than one occasion, Charlie has eaten the butterfly, frog or other unsuspecting bug when the girls forgot to put the lid on the bug box.  Charlie now has to be locked in the garage when we take walks as well.  In the top two left hand pictures below, Charlie is taking a walk with us.  Usually he will turn around three houses down, after lots of upset meowing at us.  On this one hot and incredibly humid afternoon he decided to be brave and follow us.  The further we got from home, the louder his irritated meowing became.  Will became embarrassed when people walking dogs were yanked by the leash as their dogs noticed Charlie.  Finally, we reached a bridge over a quickly moving creek and Charlie refused to go another step.  He was panting from the effort and the heat and none too pleased with us.  As we stood on the bridge admiring the view below, two teenage girls pulled up on their bikes and stopped by where Charlie was.  The next thing we know, we heard them oohing and ahhhing and even saying, "Oh, the poor kitty!  He looks so thirsty!"  Before we could say a thing, one of the girls started giving Charlie a drink from her water bottle.  Will and I exchanged glances and one of us muttered, "Should we tell them he is ours?"  "Naw, at least he is getting a free drink."  When the girls decided to take him home with them we finally had to step in.  "Um, that's our cat.  Sorry."  If looks could kill we would have dropped dead.  Both girls looked at us in horror and said, "You took your cat for a WALK???  He looks like he is exhausted and dying of thirst in this heat!"  After some nervous shuffling and mumbling from us, we started the walk back home.  Soon, we noticed that Charlie wasn't following us.  After repeated pleading and begging, Will ended up having to chase him down in a thicket full of brambles and carry a clawing and scratching Charlie all the way home.  What a miserable walk that was and none of us were happy.  Will ended up having to throw out his shorts as they were covered in so many brambles he couldn't get them all off.  It's a good thing Charlie is so cute.

To complete our immersion science this past month, we harvested plenty of things to eat from our yard.  Our apple and pear harvest was very small this year, however our dill, cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, beets and raspberries did great.  In the bottom left hand picture I made a bowl of applesauce with all of our apples as they were too small and tart to eat.

 The girls started dance class again this fall, and were excited to share their tap class with their cousin.  I was overcome with emotion when my babies were being fit for tap shoes.  I teared up watching their tiny baby feet be measured while at the same time wondering how these beautiful babies of mine were old enough to be proudly strutting around in tap shoes!  They love their tap class but miss their ballet class from last year so it looks like starting in October they will be taking a ballet class directly after their tap class.  They are very excited, and I am excited that their ballet shoes still fit from last year as the dance expenses are really adding up!

They are also in a yoga class with their cousin, which has been a lot of fun so far.  We share a picnic lunch at the park before class and while our girls are in class, my cousin and I get to hang out and talk about our babies.

The girls are also in a weekly science class at the library and have enjoyed meeting at the library park with friends before the library events.

As part of our social studies classes we are enjoying everything there is to love about fall.  Jumping in giant leaf piles, doing fun crafts with acorns and felt balls, bringing out all our fall clothes...

 …and even enjoying a Fall Festival with friends at a local park.

We have gone on a cemetery tour by our house with Aunt Jane and have enjoyed two separate trips to the apple orchard with family.

My brother Joe came to town this past month with his girlfriend who we met for the first time.  By the time they went back to Florida, we felt like she had been a part of our family forever and we miss them both already.  Here they are below.  It was Joe's first time meeting Violet and his girlfriend won me over immediately with her love of my brother, chickens and bees.

It had been over a year since all of my siblings were together last, and we had a lot of fun.

We have started a new tradition this past month of a weekly Family Movie Night where we have a picnic dinner of fun, usually unhealthy foods while watching a family friendly movie.  So far we have enjoyed Pete's Dragon, Mary Poppins and Cinderella.  It is challenging to find movies that the girls are not afraid of.  So far both girls loved Mary Poppins, but Emma was afraid of Pete's Dragon and Cinderella.  In the meantime, both girls have been playing the soundtracks to these movies repeatedly with some of our favorite songs being "Razzle Dazzle Day" and "Let's Go Fly a Kite."

It has occurred to me this past month that homeschooling is really just an extension of the daily activities we already do.  I feel so grateful that I get to spend this year with all three of my girls and am looking forward to what the next month has to offer in both structured and immersion learning!

Violet at 5 Months

Our ViVi is really coming into her own personality this past month.  Violet prefers to briefly contemplate someone new before deciding whether or not to smile.  Violet saves her instantaneous smiles for Will, Lucy, Emma and of course her mama and greets each of us slightly differently.  For Will, she sticks out her tummy when she spots him and starts waving her arms and smiling.  We can now officially say that Will has three daddy's girls.  Or maybe better yet, three little girls have Will!

When Violet sees Lucy, she breaks out into a huge grin and looks so adoringly up at her big sister.  Lucy has gained another faithful little sister, and has proven herself worthy of Violet's adoration.  Lucy loves playing little mommy to Violet and knows exactly what Violet needs at any given time.  Her favorite thing to do lately is carry Violet around, which only happens under adult supervision, but Lucy still beams with pride.

Emma talks so sweet to Violet and never seems bothered by crying or my preoccupation with her.  When Violet sees Emma, she starts wiggling around like she is ready to play.  Here Emma is below, showing Violet the frogs that Lucy collected and talking in her special baby talk voice:  "Oh, Violet, see?  These are frogs!  Say hippity hop!  Oh, Violet!  Aren't they cute?"

Violet has definitely transformed from a baby blob to a wiggly, squirmy, roly poly girl.  She is at that awkward stage where when she is being held she is squirming to get down, but moments after she is set down she starts fussing because she is unable to move how she wants.  Her most frustrating challenge is that she tries her hardest to move forward, but can only scoot backwards.  The first time I discovered that she could scoot at all was a bit scary.  I had set her on the play mat so I could take care of a few emails while I sat on the nearby couch.  After a couple of minutes I heard Violet start fussing.  When I looked down to see if she needed a new toy, she was gone!  I started yelling for Will - not realizing that I could hear her fussing right by me.  After several frantic seconds I calmed down enough to discover that Violet had scooted her way into the corner of the room and was fussing because the basket of blankets next to the couch was blocking her from further movement.

 Violet is doing very well in her Occupational Therapy and has also responded well to Prevacid.  We are hoping in the next month that she will graduate from OT and the stomach doctor even said that we could potentially lessen her dose of Prevacid once Violet can sit up on her own.  Here Lucy and Emma are below, providing moral support at one of Violet's doctor appointments.

 Violet is still very vocal, and "talks" all day long.  This past month she has discovered how to spit, and the loud sound she makes when spitting still startles me every time!  She sounds like a teenage boy, spitting throat clearings out at the bus stop!

Violet's sleeping continues to improve, but she still prefers to sleep in a carrier strapped onto me, or next to me in my bed at nap time.  Some of our best naps are with me sandwiched between Emma and Violet.

We had Violet baptized this past month and it was a beautiful day.  My older brother and cousin are Violet's God parents, making Violet one lucky little lady.

There have been certain instances in my life where I have felt overcome with peace and joy.  Violet's baptism day was one of them.  I felt so close to heaven that day and couldn't stop smiling.  Not only did I feel and see a major connection with my cousin's dad who passed away around the same time Luke did, but I also received a sign from Luke as well.  When we were leaving the church after Violet's baptism I was the last person out and Will had already pulled the car up to the front of the church and loaded the three girls in.  As soon as I sat my bottom in the car, the song "You're the World to Me" by David Gray started playing.  I've had that song playing for years on this blog but have rarely heard it on the radio.  In fact, the first and last time I heard it on the radio was when I decided it was Luke's song.  It was not long after he had died that I was visiting his grave with Will and decided I couldn't leave. Will had to practically drag me up from the ground and back to the car to go home.  Will started the car and I was still bawling about driving away from my baby, when that song came on the radio.  The words, "You don't have to turn the sound up, Babe, I want you from the ground up, Baby, baby, you're the world to me."  The fact that this song came on after Violet's baptism, with Will and the girls all there to hear it too is not a coincidence to me.  I immediately started crying tears of thankfulness, joy and sadness.  To have a sign from Luke, that he was there with us on Violet's special day meant more to me than I could ever say.  I just kept saying, "Thank you Luke, thank you, thank you, thank you" as we made the short trip from the church to our house and our awaiting family to continue celebrating Violet's baptism.  Luke gave me a sign on Emma's baptism too, which I wrote about here.  Yes, I felt many connections that day between heaven and earth and the little yellow tulip booties that my cousin gave Violet to represent Luke on her special day was icing on the cake.

Speaking of cake.  We ordered a special cake from Whole Foods made with all natural food dyes so that Lucy, who seems to have a food dye intolerance, could eat it without getting sick.  It turns out Whole Foods uses natural food dyes but not spell check.  It was still a beautiful and delicious "Bablism" cake, made even more special when Will and I cut the first piece with the cake knife from our wedding.  If you haven't noticed by now, let me be the first to tell you that I love sentimental traditions!

 All in all, we had a great month with Violet!