The Long and Short of February

February is the kind of month that seems difficult to get through for most people living in colder climates.  Christmas is now a distant memory, but the cold and snow is still doing it's thing with Spring no where to be seen.  Is it a coincidence that Luke's birthday is during what is in my opinion, the most difficult month of the year already?  Maybe February wouldn't be so bad if Luke was alive and his birthday only had happy celebrations associated with it.  I will say that I am ever so glad that February happens to have the least amount of days in it, and I am breathing a sigh of relief that it is over.

Don't get me wrong, we were still able to live life to the fullest this past February, despite the shadow of depression I felt as I remembered Luke.  The kids and I were sick at the beginning of the month with high fevers, coughs and runny noses so the month started much as the last month had ended.  Fortunately we kicked whatever germ had taken up residence in our house to the curb without needing antibiotics.  It did call for Will taking a half day to care for me when I got sick, lots of juice boxes, soup, naps, blankets and television though.  The bottom right picture is of the girls zoned out in front of the TV.

We were healthy by Valentine's Day and had fun making Valentine's Day cookies and cards for each other.  Will was on Winter Break for Valentine's Day too, so that helped make the day extra special.

The rest of the month continued to improve with weather and health.  We were able to see both sides of the family as well as my cousin and her daughter.  Below are Grandma and Grandpa T., cousin Ellen, and cousin Holly.  It sure was nice to finally be able to be social again!

The girls were healthy enough to attend dance class and I enjoyed being in the room for a Parent Observation Class.  I loved watching their confidence and their happiness as they danced their little hearts out.

We also made it to a program at one of our local nature centers.  The class consisted of my two girls and one other sweet boy, ironically named Luke, which made for a really nice, intimate group.  We had a wonderful time and even walked the trail at the nature center, much to my amazement as I ended up having to carry Emma most of the way since the snow came up to her armpits.  Fortunately we managed to stay upright, Lucy managed very well on her own in snow up to her waist, and I didn't go into labor from the sheer exertion of it all!

Our next Kiwi Crate arrived in the mail in time for passing the time on another snow day.  We managed to spread the projects out over a couple of snow bound days and made mini story theaters and puppets. I continue to be impressed with this subscription craft kit, and am listing it as one of the best gifts ever.

Other snow day pastimes included lots of hot chocolate, playing on the iPad, and even riding the horse at Meijer with pennies the girls had found on the floor earlier on our shopping trip.

We of course frequented our library at least once a week for more Science Story Time, the last of the kids yoga classes as well as brought home stacks and stacks of books.

Included in the stacks of books was a series of basic drawing books.  Lucy's favorite so far has been a step by step book on drawing princesses.  Will and I have both taken turns at drawing our own princesses alongside Lucy.  In the beginning, Lucy was overwhelmed and frustrated and wanted me to practically draw them for her.  She now is able to draw them almost completely on her own, following the step by step directions and it is amazing for Will and I to see the progress that she has made.  Below is an Ice Skating Princess, drawn during the Winter Olympics.

We have played outside on the better weather days and if you can believe it, the ice even melted enough on one or two days for me to venture out.  The snow banks along our driveway are almost taller than the girls.  In the below right picture, Will buried Lucy in snow much like you would bury someone in sand at the beach.  The top right picture is of Lucy holding a giant icicle.

The girls and Will have built an elaborate snow fort with tunnels and multiple different rooms.  It is hard to capture on my camera just how sprawling this snow fort really is.  Every time they play outside, the fort gets another addition.  The top right picture was taken from inside the house, looking down from a second story window.

Charlie loves playing in the tunnels of the snow fort and pouncing down on the girls to surprise them.  He also loves it when we throw a snow ball at him, at which point he tackles it until it is a puff of snow.  In the bottom left picture he is giving a snow ball the last rites.  Charlie has had many visits inside on the back steps of our house on the coldest days and is usually content to be cuddled for about five minutes, at which point someone gets scratched and he tries escaping into the house.

Will is slightly concerned that Charlie has as many pictures as our kids this past month.  Because of that I had to work really hard at narrowing down all of my Charlie pictures.  It's official - I am an allergy and a husband away from being a full-fledged cat lady.  In the below left picture he is in one of his favorite spots in the garage - a wheelbarrow filled with blankets in our trailer.  This is where he usually greets us when we come home and pull our car in the garage.  As you can see from the right hand picture below, he still has the kitten look.

 Hopefully our kitty doesn't get into too much trouble as he continues to get bigger.  We caught him the other day perched on the gate of the chicken coop, slowly wagging his tail back and forth like a jungle cat watching his next meal.  He also has been very curious about the bee hives.  At this point in the winter my bees are all dead, so it should be interesting to see what happens this spring when I get my next order of bees installed.  Hopefully he is just one peck and a sting away from learning to keep his distance from Will's and my hobbies!  That and he needs to quit pooping in the garden!

Speaking of our garden, it is currently under several feet of snow.  We have finished off the last of the berries that I froze from summer and this past week I roasted the last of the butternut squash.  We still have several bags of frozen zucchini, green beans, carrots and tomatoes but the freezer is definitely getting too roomy for my liking.

It is time for spring and I can't remember ever wishing for winter to end so badly.  Let's hope by next months blog post recapping March, the snow will be melting and the sun will be shining!

Luke's 6th Birthday

Six years ago today we held our son for the first and the last time and our lives were forever changed.  Six years ago today we learned first hand what it feels like to love someone so much that your heart soars higher than it ever has before, even while being split in half.

I have lost a piece of my heart with the birth of each of my children.  I have given this part of me gladly, however I never anticipated that one of my babies would take a piece of my heart to heaven before I got there.  So while my heart continues to beat here, I am ever so grateful to hold the babies on earth that keep a piece of my heart, while remembering and honoring the part of me that has gone ahead, to heaven.  Until I am able to hold all the pieces of my heart together in one place, I will do whatever I can to keep Luke's memory alive in my heart, my family, and my home.  

This past weekend we had an impromptu get together with my family and when dessert came around, my sister in law capitalized on the cheese cake being served and decided that we couldn't eat a cake without singing to the next birthday person in the family.  I know this was her sweet way of including Luke into our gathering.  I choked back tears as my girls and their cousin sang to Luke in heaven and blew out his six birthday candles.

The day before Luke's birthday we made bird seed pine cones to leave at the cemetery for our friends and family that stopped by.

Afterwards, we went to the party store to buy balloons to launch at the cemetery the next morning.  The girls were very excited about this, and picked two balloons each - one to keep at home, and one to let "fall up to heaven."  Here they are below watching the balloons filling up with helium.

I choked back tears again when I realized that I was taking pictures of my family walking to the car with the balloons.  Without Luke here, it seems all of my picture taking is a feeble attempt to create memories when the subject of the memory is missing.

On the morning of Luke's birthday, I found Lucy and Emma sitting below, playing Balloon Store with the balloons.  I couldn't help but choke back tears yet again when I saw them sitting with their arms around each other while chatting, wishing Luke was encircled in the imaginative conversation too.

We made it to the cemetery bright and early and waited in the car eating Tootsie Rolls while Will shoveled a pathway to Luke's grave.  It was the most snow we have seen in the six years we've been coming to visit Luke's grave but it was also the warmest - 35 degrees.  And after the winter we've had, it felt positively balmy.  In fact, Luke's birthday today was the first day above freezing this year.  This was a gift we were very appreciative of.

We launched our balloons and all four flew free to heaven.  We watched them until they disappeared into the clouds.  The girls are certain that Luke was able to reach out and grab them.

We do a traditional "family hug" before leaving the cemetery, and today was no different.  Here are the five of us below with Violet warm in my tummy.  This is as close as we will ever get to being together as a family of six on earth, standing at our son's grave.

After the cemetery we had breakfast at Panera, and then headed to our weekly chiropractor appointment.  Our chiropractor adjusted me when I was pregnant with Luke and hence has always been an understanding place for us to go on Luke's birthday.  Otherwise, we prefer to spend it alone as a family.  After our appointment, we headed home to our traditional lunch of the things I craved when I was pregnant with Luke - grilled cheese sandwiches, Clausen pickles and frozen pears.  After lunch we read the stories that remind us of Luke before naps - Puff the Magic Dragon, Where Do Balloons Go, and I Can Only Imagine.

After naps we headed outside to enjoy the sunshine.  We stayed outside as long as possible, built a snowman, made snow angels, built another snow fort, threw snowballs, chatted with neighbors and played with Charlie.

Before heading in for the evening, the girls hung their birdseed pine cones for Luke.  It was wonderful to be able to spend time outside on Luke's birthday, and just be together as a family in our favorite environment.  This is not typical on February 19th in Michigan and the rareness made it all the more special.

Before dinner we iced and decorated Luke's birthday cake.  This year the girls wanted to make him heart-shaped chocolate cakes.  We made six little hearts in honor of Luke's sixth birthday and I baked the rest of the batter into a simple round cake.

After a dinner of more Luke foods - roast beef and mashed potatoes - we sang to our Lukey in heaven and the girls blew out his six candles.

Before we put the girls to bed we went through Luke's memory box, a tradition Will and I have always done in the past while the girls were sleeping.  The girls were completely enthralled with the contents of Luke's box and loved holding his outfits that he wore in the hospital, looking at the pictures and reviewing all of the various mementos we have saved over the past six years that remind us of Luke.  Seeing Luke's items through their eyes helped keep my eyes dry and it was definitely a blessing to share our most treasured possessions with our girls.

Today we pictured Luke celebrating his birthday in heaven with several new guests this year - two little cousins Ethan and Jack, as well as our good friend's dad who wasn't healthy enough to play with his grandkids on earth.  I just know that Luke, Ethan and Jack are into all sorts of angelic mischief and that Grandpa Bob is finally able to do all the fun and silly things he couldn't do with his grandkids on earth.

It was a peaceful day, filled with great family harmony.  We were all completely present in the moment with nothing on our agenda for the day besides remembering Luke.  I am grateful for the traditions we have put into place over the last six years as it has provided a framework for healing and is the structure we need to get through the most difficult day of the year for our family.

Thank you to all of our friends and family for remembering our Luke, and giving us the love we need to carry on until we are all reunited in heaven again, with the pieces of our hearts mended together at last.

Happy birthday Luke, we love you!

Contagious at 34 Months

Emma loves to get a reaction out of Lucy and knows exactly how to infiltrate Lucy's high sense of order and create ensuing chaos.  The other day Lucy came running to me complaining, "Mom, Emma is eating books again!"  Although I try not to respond to tattling from either daughter, I just had to see for myself what Lucy was talking about.

"Rooaarrrr!" says Emma.  I know it is hard to believe that someone so cute and cuddly could be responsible for such chaos.  But that is actually part of her tactic I believe.  Here she is below snuggling Aunt Jane.

Emma is very affectionate and loves to give multiple kisses in a row and snuggle with whoever is willing.  We blame Emma for several highly contagious sicknesses we've experienced over the last month.  First she had a horrible stomach flu.  A day after Emma recovered, Will woke up in the middle of the night to a strange feeling - someone was plastering his face with wet kisses.  When he was fully awake he realized in horror that Emma had essentially given him the kiss of death.  Not even 24 hours later, and Will was stricken with the worst stomach bug I have ever witnessed.  Lucy and I avoided both of their kisses like the plague after that.

About a week later, I spent an entire Sunday service trying to keep Emma's fingers out of her nose.  At one point, we exchanged the sign of peace with our fellow parishioners and the people around us were charmed by Emma's sweet "Peace be with you" and tiny hand shakes.  They were then equally appalled when they witnessed Emma pick a giant booger out of her nose and hand it to me as soon as the sign of peace was over.  About 24 hours later Emma came down with a fever of 104 for several days as well as a bad cough.  Subsequent family members fell to the same bug one after the other in the week that followed.  I've decided that Emma's chronic nose picking is to blame for one of the sickest winters in our family's history.  Now I'm trying to figure out a way to keep Emma's fingers out of her nose and the best solution I have come up with yet is to staple her gloves to her coat and not allow them off in any public setting.  Who knew that I would actually tell my child, "You can pick your nose when we get home.  Please do not pick your nose in public!"

Emma isn't all trouble fortunately, and has taken a shine to cleaning this past month.  It has become increasingly difficult for me to bend down because of Violet, and Emma gladly comes to my rescue.  Here she is below vacuuming up crumbs after a meal.  She is really good at it, and besides needing help turning it on and off, finds more crumbs to suck up than I would have.

She also enjoys washing dishes and playing in the water.  I've found that if she is harassing Lucy, the simple request of a job needing her attention is enough to distract her and restore her golden halo to a more upright angle.  She loves to be helpful and is my little domestic diva, working with a smile on her face wearing her pink ruffly tutu.

If Lucy isn't around, Emma is able to play independently quite peacefully.  Without buttons to push, she is content for long periods of time on her own.  Here she is below playing doll house without the doll house.

Emma's most used phrase is, "I'm hungry."  This line is used mostly when she is bored and has her eye on a treat, not actual real food.  Here she is below eating the icing from an oreo cookie.  She prefers the icing off of donuts, cookies, cakes and even between oreos to the actual cake parts.  Once the icing is gone, she is done with the treat and I make my move.  I don't mind cookies and cake without icing!

 Emma loves practicing ballerina and yoga poses.  Here she is below balancing in a pose she calls "dancer".

In the below balancing pose, you can see that Will did her hair for the day.  Will follows Emma's style requests to the last detail whereas when I do Emma's hair, I only allow one accessory per day, as I am tired of the trail of accessories she inevitably leaves all over the house, car and the outside world in general.

For Emma, less is definitely not more and she throws every ounce of her being into whatever she is doing from germ catching, sister pestering, helping and having fun.  Her enthusiasm is contagious and we love our little girl!

Hibernating in January

It is a lot harder for me to find reasons to love winter than any other season.  Oh how I long for the days when shoes are optional and being outside all day is my standard mode of operation.  Until then, I am trying to find reasons to appreciate where the calendar is now.  Now as in closing the chapter on the snowiest January of all time in Michigan, with record breaking cold temperatures and germs flying around as much as the snow flakes.  

There is something to be said for being cozy and warm inside your house with the ones you love, grateful for the tea pot whistling on the stove, a fridge stocked with enough food to get us through the next decent weather day and enough books, DVDs, games and crafts to keep us from getting on each others nerves too much.  All of Will's snow/cold weather days off from school have also definitely helped keep the warm glow of the season as well.  I think he has had a total of seven days off this past month, which is a record in itself.

Below is an account of what we did to keep from going crazy on the days the windchill was -30 or we were getting another 6-12 inches of snow.  At the beginning of this month, the diversion came literally, right to our doorstep.  I was making breakfast in the kitchen on a Saturday morning when I saw a ball of fire go through the electrical line into my next door neighbors house.  I frantically called him on the phone just as he was sticking his head out the window, frantically waving his arms at me.  Apparently he had just seen a similar ball of fire go through the lines into our house.  Upon further investigation, we discovered a car had hit the electrical pole between our houses.  Fortunately, the driver was okay, and so were our houses.  Our mailboxes were flattened but we never lost power and were rewarded with an entire day of entertainment outside our front window as we watched the various workers fix the damage.  It was about eight hours total, from the time the tow truck towed away the damaged vehicle, the tree trimming truck came to cut the branches off of the fallen lines, Miss Dig flagged the ground, a new pole was dropped off, and finally the new pole was installed.  We saw the workers have a snow ball fight in the air while they were up in their cherry picking baskets waiting for the next truck to come, as well as heard one of the workers yell "I'm the king of the world!" while he was up in the sky trimming branches.  We are guessing they knew we were a captive audience and had a little fun with us.

This past month presented lots of different opportunities to view the outside world through our windows and to build make believe ones inside where it was warm.  The pictures below show the girls watching a "pesky" squirrel outside our dining room window, building forts and constructing train tracks.

We also decorated the house with paper snowflakes, Valentine's Day Hearts, creative kid-inspired artwork and the girls each made their own mini pumpkin pie.

For Christmas, Will's parents gave the girls a subscription to Kiwi Crate, a monthly arts and crafts subscription.  The first one arrived on a snow day, which led to a fun, unhurried morning of making winter themed window clings and a Velcro "Polar Bear" snow ball game, perfect for an active yet indoor game.

Speaking of active - it has been a challenge getting the girls' need for dispensing energy met.  Some days they just run from the kitchen to the living room and back over and over again until one of them gets hurt.  Our house is not big, and on days like this we really notice it.  We have had dance parties, yoga, and even music practice.  My brother Joe gave us his trombone, and although none of us have ever played one before, it has provided a lot of great entertainment.  Joe even gave us our first lesson via texting while he was at work.  He lives in Florida so apparently does not get days off because of snow like we do.  It's all trade offs I suppose.

It may sound far-fetched when I say that our weekly Story Times at the library have been the one link to the real world that has kept us from going into a snow-blind, isolated craze.  We have had so many canceling and rescheduling of play dates and other outings this past month because of sickness or weather that at times it felt like we were the only people living on this planet and our need for social interaction would never be met.  Our library has definitely gone over and above this winter.  Not only are the girls registered in a free kids yoga class several times a month at the library, but they are also a part of a weekly Science Explorer group.  The activities that they do each Monday in their science class are easily replicated at home, and keep the girls interested for hours and hours all week long.  Here they are below at Story Time making volcanoes with baking soda mountains and colored vinegar.

And here they are below, doing the volcano "experiment" at home.

They missed the week that the class played with "Slimy Goo" because Emma was sick, but the librarian emailed me the recipe, and we enjoyed it at home all week long.

I can't even begin to tell you how much of a positive impact this has made on an otherwise trying time, being home bound for weeks on end due to sickness or weather.  The below picture is an example of what we would be doing all day long without the library's influence.

We did make it to one play date this past month and had a lovely time.  We almost had to turn around because the roads were so icy that at one point I didn't know if my car was going to make it up a hill.  I was more than half way there though, and decided better keep going and hopefully by the time we left for home later the roads will have thawed out a bit more.  I was so glad we made it to their house - it was a glorious morning, being in my friend's light-filled home with the kids running around happy and free as I got to visit with another adult.  My kids were as good as gold and I think were just delighted to have someone else to play with besides each other.  At one point Lucy came over to tell me that she was out of breath and hot.  This doesn't happen stuck inside at our house with nothing but a sister to play or fight with.  My friend even indulged me with her signature tea which includes fresh ginger and cardamon and I served up my Great Grandma's banana cake that I had brought.

Half of us made it to another social outing, but unfortunately, half of us did not.  Will's brother got the girls tickets to see Sesame Street Live for Christmas and around 4:30 the morning of the show, Emma woke up with the stomach flu.  Fortunately, friends of ours were able to take our extra two tickets and Lucy, Will and her friend and her dad had a Double Daddy Daughter Date together.  Emma was devastated that she couldn't go, so I tried to make it up to her by letting her snuggle all morning under an Elmo blanket (which she now refers to as the "Barf Blanket") while watching Elmo DVD's and sipping fluids from an Elmo sippy cup.

Lucy had a great time at Sesame Street Live, and so did Will for that matter.  This same duo that accompanied Lucy and Will to the Elmo show saved the day a week later when my car wouldn't start after the girls' dance class.  Not only did our friend push the car - with me sitting in it! - he also figured out what was wrong with it after the jumper cables wouldn't work.  He ended up using a blue wooden toy cup from his mini van to knock on something under the hood that did the trick and the car started.  He is officially our hero, cheerfully saving the day in temps below zero.  And, not only did he save me a tow truck fee, but whatever he did also unstuck the CD that has been jammed in the CD player for at least two years after Lucy stuck a penny in it.  Unfortunately, Lucy stuck the CD back in before the penny was taken out so it is stuck again, but it's good to know that if need be, we can call upon our friend and maybe he can magically make the CD pop out again.  We will try and wait until it is above freezing so as not to take advantage though.

This freezing cold has not only been hard on my car, but all the creatures that I love outside too.  Our bees, chickens and cat have definitely not had an easy time of it.  I am fairly certain the bees have not made it this far into the winter, as I have seen absolutely no signs of life from our three hives since late December.  This is the second winter we've had our chickens, and the first time they have refused to come out of their coop.  Last winter they came out no matter the weather and if there was a ton of snow, would hang out under the coop.  This year, the temperatures have been so cold that they have gone for several days in a row without leaving their little house.  The drawback to this is that they get bored in there and start eating the eggs that have been laid that day.  This forces me to have to go out there more than once to collect what I can before the eggs catch their attention.  On the coldest of days, our time is structured by egg collecting and rotating out frozen waters with fresh for both our chickens and our cat.

Our cat doesn't seem to mind the cold.  I don't know if it is because he is still a kitten and full of young energy, or if because he was born in the fall he doesn't know that the world isn't always brutally cold.  We lock him in the garage where his insulated cat house is when the temps are too low, and when he is allowed outside again he acts like a kid in a candy shop.  On the super cold days when the kids can't go out to play, Charlie is brought in for short visits to get love and cuddles but isn't allowed to go past the back stairs on account of my allergies.  It seems to be enough to get us all through the coldest of days.

 

Despite the cold, we have found pockets of time where the temperatures were more suitable for outdoor play.  Here are the girls below playing in their snow fort and Lucy, posing in front of the snow couple that she built with Will.  That dark spot behind the snow couple is Charlie.  One of his favorite things to do is hide from Lucy, and then jump out and scare her before gleefully running away.  Minutes later he will sneak back to a hiding spot near where Lucy is playing, crouch down next to an unsuspecting Lucy with his tail waving slowly back and forth while he waits for it… waits for it… and then pounces on Lucy again.  She is always surprised, and the fun never seems to fade for him.

Let's hope it gets warmer in February as I'm afraid I might not be as upbeat about our time spent trying to enjoy winter.  Either way, February has been a hard month for us since we lost Luke and I'm anticipating this sixth February without our little guy as being no different.  Some better weather sure would help though, as we prepare to remember Luke on his sixth birthday.  I've met my yearly allotment of hot tea and hibernation and am ready for the first signs of spring.