Hibernating in January

It is a lot harder for me to find reasons to love winter than any other season.  Oh how I long for the days when shoes are optional and being outside all day is my standard mode of operation.  Until then, I am trying to find reasons to appreciate where the calendar is now.  Now as in closing the chapter on the snowiest January of all time in Michigan, with record breaking cold temperatures and germs flying around as much as the snow flakes.  

There is something to be said for being cozy and warm inside your house with the ones you love, grateful for the tea pot whistling on the stove, a fridge stocked with enough food to get us through the next decent weather day and enough books, DVDs, games and crafts to keep us from getting on each others nerves too much.  All of Will's snow/cold weather days off from school have also definitely helped keep the warm glow of the season as well.  I think he has had a total of seven days off this past month, which is a record in itself.

Below is an account of what we did to keep from going crazy on the days the windchill was -30 or we were getting another 6-12 inches of snow.  At the beginning of this month, the diversion came literally, right to our doorstep.  I was making breakfast in the kitchen on a Saturday morning when I saw a ball of fire go through the electrical line into my next door neighbors house.  I frantically called him on the phone just as he was sticking his head out the window, frantically waving his arms at me.  Apparently he had just seen a similar ball of fire go through the lines into our house.  Upon further investigation, we discovered a car had hit the electrical pole between our houses.  Fortunately, the driver was okay, and so were our houses.  Our mailboxes were flattened but we never lost power and were rewarded with an entire day of entertainment outside our front window as we watched the various workers fix the damage.  It was about eight hours total, from the time the tow truck towed away the damaged vehicle, the tree trimming truck came to cut the branches off of the fallen lines, Miss Dig flagged the ground, a new pole was dropped off, and finally the new pole was installed.  We saw the workers have a snow ball fight in the air while they were up in their cherry picking baskets waiting for the next truck to come, as well as heard one of the workers yell "I'm the king of the world!" while he was up in the sky trimming branches.  We are guessing they knew we were a captive audience and had a little fun with us.

This past month presented lots of different opportunities to view the outside world through our windows and to build make believe ones inside where it was warm.  The pictures below show the girls watching a "pesky" squirrel outside our dining room window, building forts and constructing train tracks.

We also decorated the house with paper snowflakes, Valentine's Day Hearts, creative kid-inspired artwork and the girls each made their own mini pumpkin pie.

For Christmas, Will's parents gave the girls a subscription to Kiwi Crate, a monthly arts and crafts subscription.  The first one arrived on a snow day, which led to a fun, unhurried morning of making winter themed window clings and a Velcro "Polar Bear" snow ball game, perfect for an active yet indoor game.

Speaking of active - it has been a challenge getting the girls' need for dispensing energy met.  Some days they just run from the kitchen to the living room and back over and over again until one of them gets hurt.  Our house is not big, and on days like this we really notice it.  We have had dance parties, yoga, and even music practice.  My brother Joe gave us his trombone, and although none of us have ever played one before, it has provided a lot of great entertainment.  Joe even gave us our first lesson via texting while he was at work.  He lives in Florida so apparently does not get days off because of snow like we do.  It's all trade offs I suppose.

It may sound far-fetched when I say that our weekly Story Times at the library have been the one link to the real world that has kept us from going into a snow-blind, isolated craze.  We have had so many canceling and rescheduling of play dates and other outings this past month because of sickness or weather that at times it felt like we were the only people living on this planet and our need for social interaction would never be met.  Our library has definitely gone over and above this winter.  Not only are the girls registered in a free kids yoga class several times a month at the library, but they are also a part of a weekly Science Explorer group.  The activities that they do each Monday in their science class are easily replicated at home, and keep the girls interested for hours and hours all week long.  Here they are below at Story Time making volcanoes with baking soda mountains and colored vinegar.

And here they are below, doing the volcano "experiment" at home.

They missed the week that the class played with "Slimy Goo" because Emma was sick, but the librarian emailed me the recipe, and we enjoyed it at home all week long.

I can't even begin to tell you how much of a positive impact this has made on an otherwise trying time, being home bound for weeks on end due to sickness or weather.  The below picture is an example of what we would be doing all day long without the library's influence.

We did make it to one play date this past month and had a lovely time.  We almost had to turn around because the roads were so icy that at one point I didn't know if my car was going to make it up a hill.  I was more than half way there though, and decided better keep going and hopefully by the time we left for home later the roads will have thawed out a bit more.  I was so glad we made it to their house - it was a glorious morning, being in my friend's light-filled home with the kids running around happy and free as I got to visit with another adult.  My kids were as good as gold and I think were just delighted to have someone else to play with besides each other.  At one point Lucy came over to tell me that she was out of breath and hot.  This doesn't happen stuck inside at our house with nothing but a sister to play or fight with.  My friend even indulged me with her signature tea which includes fresh ginger and cardamon and I served up my Great Grandma's banana cake that I had brought.

Half of us made it to another social outing, but unfortunately, half of us did not.  Will's brother got the girls tickets to see Sesame Street Live for Christmas and around 4:30 the morning of the show, Emma woke up with the stomach flu.  Fortunately, friends of ours were able to take our extra two tickets and Lucy, Will and her friend and her dad had a Double Daddy Daughter Date together.  Emma was devastated that she couldn't go, so I tried to make it up to her by letting her snuggle all morning under an Elmo blanket (which she now refers to as the "Barf Blanket") while watching Elmo DVD's and sipping fluids from an Elmo sippy cup.

Lucy had a great time at Sesame Street Live, and so did Will for that matter.  This same duo that accompanied Lucy and Will to the Elmo show saved the day a week later when my car wouldn't start after the girls' dance class.  Not only did our friend push the car - with me sitting in it! - he also figured out what was wrong with it after the jumper cables wouldn't work.  He ended up using a blue wooden toy cup from his mini van to knock on something under the hood that did the trick and the car started.  He is officially our hero, cheerfully saving the day in temps below zero.  And, not only did he save me a tow truck fee, but whatever he did also unstuck the CD that has been jammed in the CD player for at least two years after Lucy stuck a penny in it.  Unfortunately, Lucy stuck the CD back in before the penny was taken out so it is stuck again, but it's good to know that if need be, we can call upon our friend and maybe he can magically make the CD pop out again.  We will try and wait until it is above freezing so as not to take advantage though.

This freezing cold has not only been hard on my car, but all the creatures that I love outside too.  Our bees, chickens and cat have definitely not had an easy time of it.  I am fairly certain the bees have not made it this far into the winter, as I have seen absolutely no signs of life from our three hives since late December.  This is the second winter we've had our chickens, and the first time they have refused to come out of their coop.  Last winter they came out no matter the weather and if there was a ton of snow, would hang out under the coop.  This year, the temperatures have been so cold that they have gone for several days in a row without leaving their little house.  The drawback to this is that they get bored in there and start eating the eggs that have been laid that day.  This forces me to have to go out there more than once to collect what I can before the eggs catch their attention.  On the coldest of days, our time is structured by egg collecting and rotating out frozen waters with fresh for both our chickens and our cat.

Our cat doesn't seem to mind the cold.  I don't know if it is because he is still a kitten and full of young energy, or if because he was born in the fall he doesn't know that the world isn't always brutally cold.  We lock him in the garage where his insulated cat house is when the temps are too low, and when he is allowed outside again he acts like a kid in a candy shop.  On the super cold days when the kids can't go out to play, Charlie is brought in for short visits to get love and cuddles but isn't allowed to go past the back stairs on account of my allergies.  It seems to be enough to get us all through the coldest of days.

 

Despite the cold, we have found pockets of time where the temperatures were more suitable for outdoor play.  Here are the girls below playing in their snow fort and Lucy, posing in front of the snow couple that she built with Will.  That dark spot behind the snow couple is Charlie.  One of his favorite things to do is hide from Lucy, and then jump out and scare her before gleefully running away.  Minutes later he will sneak back to a hiding spot near where Lucy is playing, crouch down next to an unsuspecting Lucy with his tail waving slowly back and forth while he waits for it… waits for it… and then pounces on Lucy again.  She is always surprised, and the fun never seems to fade for him.

Let's hope it gets warmer in February as I'm afraid I might not be as upbeat about our time spent trying to enjoy winter.  Either way, February has been a hard month for us since we lost Luke and I'm anticipating this sixth February without our little guy as being no different.  Some better weather sure would help though, as we prepare to remember Luke on his sixth birthday.  I've met my yearly allotment of hot tea and hibernation and am ready for the first signs of spring.

Oh, Emma!

Emma.  Emma, Emma, Emma.  Emma has definitely tested our patience this month.  It's a good thing she is cute, because there have been times where all I could say is "Oh, Emma!" in exasperation while throwing my hands in the air.  The other day a friend of mine couldn't think of what Emma's middle name was but knew with certainty what Lucy's was.  Apparently when Lucy tests my patience I say (yell), "Lucy Anne!" but when Emma tires me out it is simply, "Oh, Emma!"  I guess Emma Elise sounds too sweet in times of frustration.  Either that or Lucy has worn me down to the point where there is no yelling at my second born daughter, just quiet desperation.

I know you will find it hard to believe that the cute comedian below would ever entice me to feel anything but love.  But this almost three year old definitely is capable of eliciting many emotions from her mother, on all ends of the feeling spectrum.

As a matter of fact, it comes as a sort of relief that Will has also been exhibiting Frustrated Parent Syndrome when it comes to Emma's antics.  Lately our routine when Will comes home from work is to take the girls outside to play in the snow while I collect my sanity and maybe even start to make dinner.  The other day Emma refused to put on pants, socks or boots.  In a final act of desperation, Will told her, "Fine, Emma - go outside."  Emma looked at Will with shock on her face, then she looked down at her bare legs and feet, and then back up at Will.  At which point Will asked for the last time, "Are you sure you don't want to put your pants, socks and boots on?"  Emma gleefully yelled, "NO!" and ran outside.  Upon hearing the door open and close way too fast for what I know to be the timeline of getting Emma ready to go outside, I curiously went to the window and saw Emma pausing, barefoot in the driveway, before cautiously and then happily running through the snow-filled backyard.  Shocked at what was taking place and concerned about frost bite I got on to Will for being mean.  He nervously reassured me that she would figure it out and come back begging for shoes.  We both watched with our mouths hanging open for a second (which felt more like ten minutes) and then I started hounding Will to go get her, for clearly she must not be able to feel her feet at all.  Why else would she seem uninhibited by bare feet in the snow?  Will's resolve was fading fast, but he kept telling me she would learn.  Fortunately for us, seconds later Emma slipped on a patch of ice and fell on her underwear clad bottom.  Finally, tears and crying!  Will rushed outside, scooped her up and brought her in.  His message of wisdom to her: "If you had your shoes and boots on you wouldn't have fallen on the ice!"  I would like to say that she has gotten dressed to go outside without a hassle from here on out, but alas, that is not the case.  It appears natural consequences are not the mode of learning for this child.

The other day Lucy came crying to us that Emma broke a bed in her doll house.  When I asked Emma how it happened, she said, "I climbed in for a nap and it went snap!"  A bit of super glue later, the bed was fixed but our sides definitely still hurt from laughing.

Emma was a very shy baby and can still be quite shy.  Lately, we have been surprised by her socialness.  She is always referring to her classmates in dance class as her best friends, and when class is over can be seen being silly and giving hugs to them.  Lucy and Emma started an All By Myself Science Story Time at our library this past month and the other day as I was peeking through the one way glass to see how the girls were faring I saw Emma sitting in the back of the class giggling and whispering to a little girl next to her.  Will and I are both shocked by how she has come out of her shell, and very pleased as well.  Will mentioned that he felt strange that he was proud to hear that Emma was talking during class!  I told him that I felt the same way, and that maybe we are just relieved to see signs of Emma being socially comfortable.  Speaking of socially comfortable, Emma apparently has a boyfriend.  I am happy to report that he comes from a good family and that his mother has already assured me that he loves cooking and cleaning.

Oh, Emma.  She is fast approaching three years old and is known around our house as a wild comedian with a carefree attitude whose favorite thing when she isn't harassing Lucy is to snuggle with her mama.  We are currently trying to get Emma to sleep in her own bed through the night and so I am trying to increase our snuggle time during the day.  It really is bittersweet to finally take a stand and not allow her in our bed as I really do enjoy our cuddles.  However, with my growing belly and Violet's arrival less than four months away, it is time.  So for now, it feels like I have a newborn with the constant sleep disturbances of bringing Emma back to her bed in as gentle a way as possible.  Thank goodness though, that unlike a newborn needing to nurse, Will can and does take shifts with Emma.  Hopefully by the time I write her next blog post we will have made some accomplishments towards this goal.  Here's my little snuggle bunny below, helping me make muffins.  Oh, Emma, you really are our little sweetie!

December

December was a busy month at our house as we did our best to prepare ourselves for Christmas.  It has been particularly cold and snowy which provided us with plenty of opportunities to put our holiday to do lists aside and enjoy some crisp air and exercise.  The girls built the little snowman pictured below in the top right hand corner with my hands-off tutelage one afternoon.  Will then came home from work and out did us with the snowman he built in the bottom right hand corner.  He's a competitive kid at heart and also enjoys the workout of pulling nearly eighty pounds of dead weight in the form of two giggling girls on an orange sled.  The girls also experienced their first solo cruise down a hill near our house and loved it so much they convinced Will to drag them up hill on the sled multiple times so that they could experience the thrill with no work on their part.  Maybe I'd like sledding more too if I had a ski-lift named Will to pull me back up the hill too.  I have been more of a sideline spectator this winter with my belly making it uncomfortable to bend low and roll snow balls and unsafe to pull sleds or ride sleds down hills for that matter.  Fortunately the girls are a bit older and can still find fun in the snow without me joining in.  They definitely love the rare occasions when Will gets home before dark and can play with them in the snow.  I am excited that from here on out the days will be getting longer and they will have more opportunities to play in the snow with Will on weeknights.

Charlie has been a great incentive for Lucy to go outside despite the cold, multiple times a day, if even just for twenty minute bursts at a time.  We have a fairly predictable schedule when Lucy goes outside and Charlie will come to the front window and meow if we are behind.  Charlie went missing for a little over 24 hours this past month and definitely gave us a scare.  We experienced first hand the disadvantage of having a pet with free range of the outdoors.  It was super cold the day he went missing too which added to our worry. He is only four months old, still a kitten.  He showed up the following day soaking wet and looking very grateful to be home.  We immediately smothered him in love then grounded him to the garage and made an appointment that very week for him to be fixed and micro chipped.  We also got him a collar, which he has already lost.  He's lucky he is so darn cute and lovable and we are happy he hasn't wandered far since his long night out.

Our holiday preparations officially started with decorating our Christmas Tree.  We usually put up our tree Thanksgiving weekend, however now that we have someone come in to clean our house, we decided to wait until the following weekend, right after our house was cleaned as we didn't know if we could pass off the dust as a fine layer of snow.  Will and I pride ourselves on our low maintenance holiday decor.  We have two Rubbermaid bins plus the box our Christmas tree is stored in.  We usually have everything out and decorated within two hours - and that is with two extra sets of kid hands helping.  Last year our pre-lit artificial tree started giving us trouble but Will was able to find the lights that had burned out and replace the faulty bulbs individually.  This added on an extra hour to our set up and was mildly irritating but promptly forgotten.  A year later and our tree didn't light up at all.  After several frustrating hours of Will trying to find the problem bulbs we decided it would be in every one's best interest to just buy a couple strings of lights and wrap them on the tree and call it a day.  Unfortunately, this set back sufficiently took away any Christmas spirit we were feeling as the kids had spent the last several hours getting into the decorations, fighting and whining about when they could put the ornaments on the tree.

Also on our holiday preparation list was building a play kitchen for the girls.  I found an image online of what I wanted it to look like and Will took it from there.  He spent about three weeks out in the garage in freezing temperatures with Charlie for company.  Charlie loved being a part of the building and even left his muddy paw prints on it on multiple occasions.  I contributed to the project by taking pictures, sewing some basket liners to store the play food in, and making a set of tea bags out of fabric and wild rice accompanied by a new tea set and a little wooden pot with a honey dipper.  Oh, and I anxiously hounded Will about his timeline and if he really, really thought he could finish in time.  If Will was worried about the deadline, he never let on and he finished with about a day to spare.

The girls and I made pine cone ornaments for our friends and family and enjoyed the simple process with beautiful results.  Will also utilized the paints being out, and gave baby Jesus a face lift by covering up missing paint chips and scratches for our Nativity scene.

We also continued our annual family tradition of decorating a grave blanket for Luke with homemade Christmas ornaments.  This year we painted wooden angels.

Will was quite busy at work this past month, wrapping things up for the end of the year.  The picture on the left shows his serious, hard-working side ready for a long day at work.  The picture on the right shows his fun, hard-working side, ready for an ugly sweater contest at work.  He found the sweater in the women's section at the Salvation Army complete with shoulder pads.  He's a winner in my book.

There are so many great family Christmas events in the town we live in that it is hard to fit them all into our social calendar.  This year we kept it simple and only went to what was our favorite event last year - our church Christmas party.  We had a great time, and the girls even mustered up enough courage to tell St. Nick what they wanted for Christmas.  Lucy asked for Barbies and a teddy bear, and Emma asked for Barbies.  I love the picture in the bottom left of the girls folding their hands to pray before lunch.

Christmas Eve we attended the Children's service at our church.  Last Christmas we were sick and didn't go, so it came as a surprise when we showed up a half hour early and there wasn't a single seat left in the place.  As I was trying to resign myself to an hour and a half of standing in shoes that were too tight while holding Emma, a kind older woman stood up and offered me her seat.  Under normal circumstances I would have never let an older woman give me her seat.  Pregnancy changes all of that.  To say I was relieved and thankful would be an understatement.  I immediately started crying and thanked her.  As I sat down with both kids on my lap - Will was still parking the car in a nearby subdivision - I still couldn't stop crying.  Blame it on pregnancy hormones or blame it on the fact that I was seriously relieved about being able to sit down despite the fact that the entire service was about a woman who gave birth in a stable after riding a donkey all day.  One of the many reasons I was not asked to be the mother of God I suppose.  Either way, my emotional display resulted in two kids who were slightly nervous of my emotional stability and as a result were super well behaved.  Here we are below after the service.  A kind family that we sat/stood next too during mass took our picture and we took theirs.  When they asked if we knew the gender of the baby we were expecting, I told them a girl and must have looked longingly at their family, who clearly had only sons.  The grandmother of the family who didn't speak English told the mom of the family to let me know that she had three daughters and was very happy.  She thought that I would be very happy too.  This really touched my heart and you guessed it, I started crying again.

After a long, icy walk back to our car (did I mention I was wearing black heels that were too tight?) I finally stopped crying and was able to experience the hush of the outdoors on Christmas Eve.  I love being outside on the night before Christmas - it always feels like we are the only people for miles around and everything is still and quiet.  I wouldn't have experienced this outdoor calm voluntarily on a 12 degree night if our car wasn't parked so far away.  The blessings come in such unexpected packages.  

We made it home and enjoyed a quiet evening of just the four of us.  The last thing we told Lucy before she fell asleep was that she couldn't get up until she saw the snowman (8) on her clock.  At 7:30 she finally tip toed into our room and told us, "I've been waiting and waiting, but the snowman just isn't coming!"  7:30 was a completely doable time to start our Christmas day, so we all happily made our way down stairs.  In the top left picture Lucy and Emma are excitedly waiting at the top of the stairs while I went ahead to turn the Christmas tree lights and Christmas music on.  I also snapped a picture of our tree laden with gifts before the storm hit.  The bottom two pictures were taken after the craze of gift opening had subsided - the calm after the storm if you will.

Santa brought exactly what Lucy and Emma had hoped for, as well as a yoga mat for Emma and stockings full of goodies.  Lucy got a box of new underwear and socks from us, and as soon as she opened the box said, "ugh, underwear" and tossed it aside.  Minutes later we found her stripping in front of the Christmas tree, happily trying on her underwear.  Emma enjoyed the distraction of her family and ate all of the chocolate from her stocking while wearing her new tutu.  Will seemed to enjoy his new pajama bottoms, gloves, a silver coin and heirloom seeds as his favorite gifts.  Highlights of what Will got me included a new pair of sunglasses, a wind chime he made himself, beautiful glass jars for storing my kombucha, a cast iron skillet and a kit to start growing my own edible mushrooms.  What can I say, my husband loves me just as I am, and knows exactly what gifts to get me.  

After breakfast the girls had already taken several photo shoots of their new Barbies and had even convinced Will to help put some outfits on their Barbies.

Around this time, Charlie came to the front window meowing.  On a regular morning, Lucy would have already been outside to give Charlie some love and attention.  As soon as the girls saw him, they opened the front door and told Charlie they would be out in a minute.  After quickly getting their winter gear on, the girls went outside and gave Charlie his Christmas presents.  In typical kitten fashion, he loved the wrapping paper more than the gifts.

For Christmas dinner we went to my parents house and the girls were excited to spend time with their cousins.

After Christmas we enjoyed lots of time with friends as well.  We went downtown with friends and timed it so that we would be on Main Street at 5 o'clock when all of the Christmas lights turned on at the same time.  We played "find the pickle" on the Christmas tree with friends, the girls put on a variety show complete with jokes, songs and dancing with some older friends, and they bonded with a new friend (the daughter of my longest time friend) with the cleanup of spilt M and M's.

The girls also had plenty of time to play with their new Christmas presents, their favorites being play silks and wooden clips for making forts, their play kitchen, a new instrument set, Barbies, and Play Doh.

For the last couple of years Will and I have enjoyed a quiet New Years Eve at home.  There is something to be said for bringing in the New Year in the peaceful comfort of your own home.  For a fun family activity on New Year's Eve afternoon, we tried a science experiment where we filled up balloons with water and food coloring and set them outside to freeze.  By evening they were mostly frozen and looked like beautiful crystal gems ready to herald in the New Year on our front porch.

When evening rolled around, we had a picnic dinner of various appetizers while watching a movie and afterwards cuddled on the couch.

Will and I did stay awake until midnight, but our peaceful night was shattered when the neighbors started sending off fireworks that sounded like cannon balls causing both girls to wake up screaming at the stroke of midnight.  After a quick Happy New Year's kiss, we scrambled up from the couch and climbed the stairs to calm down our frightened kids.  Emma wouldn't be comforted until we let her sleep in our bed (normally she slips in when we are sleeping so it was a big deal for her to have conscious agreement) and Lucy finally fell back asleep after we turned her closet light on and promised that the fireworks were done for the night.  As I tried to get comfortable with Emma breathing my air and hogging the covers, I couldn't help but reflect on 2013.  It was a year of huge emotional growth for me, from how I react to and view the world, to overcoming anxieties and launching a new business as well as Will accepting a new job and me overcoming some health issues with determination and new insights.  2013 was quite a year, and I definitely feel older, wiser and grateful as a result.

Even with the rough start to the first couple of minutes of 2014, I wouldn't have chosen to spend it with anyone else.  It is a wonderful feeling to bring in the New Year with the people you love most in the world in my most favorite place in the world and I am looking forward to 2014 and meeting the newest member of my favorite little family.

Here's to a happy and healthy New Year to all of my friends and family.  May your 2014 be filled with all of your favorite people and places too!

Traditions to Remember

My heart has been heavy missing Luke this holiday and my mind has been consumed by several close family and friends who are missing someone this year too.  The holidays have taken on a different dimension since I lost Luke, and this holiday is no different.  That doesn't mean that I am unable to find joy - I am.  It's just that the joy is made brighter by the missing and the missing is made darker by the joy.  This contrast has tapped into a depth of emotion that I have never experienced before losing Luke.  Maybe because I am pregnant I am just more emotional to begin with, but I have to say that Luke's absence has not been made less by the addition of another little baby to our family.  It is hard when someone's face lights up at my pregnant belly and says, "Oh wow!  You're expecting a third!  How wonderful!"  Or, "Good luck with three!  It is so different from two!"  It is painful to be reminded, no matter how good these sweet people's intentions are, that the world does not know that I already have a son, and the baby growing in my belly is actually my fourth.  Because of this, I cling tightly to traditions that help me to feel the presence of each of my four children together in one place.  Christmas is the perfect opportunity to impart such traditions, and below is my attempt at seeing my little family as together as possible until we all are reunited together in heaven.

I feel so blessed that we were able to find out the health and gender of Baby T four at the beginning of December.  We are having another GIRL and she is healthy!

Because Will and I learned first hand that we do not know how long we get to have our babies on earth, we love to name our children as soon as possible.  And despite my complete surprise at her being a girl - I thought for sure we were having our second boy! - we have named her with the help of one of our first family traditions.  If you will remember, not long after I found out I was pregnant with Lucy I was desperately praying for a sign that this baby would be healthy.  Luke came to me in a dream and told me that I was going to have a healthy baby girl named Lucy.  Several months later our ultrasound confirmed that we were definitely having a healthy baby girl.  Flash forward two years later and I am pregnant with our third child.  We had already found out at our ultrasound that we were having a second little girl but we had yet to have any ideas for a name.  I prayed one Sunday morning that God would give me a sign and that afternoon as Will, Lucy and I were sitting at the table together coloring, Lucy informed us that she was coloring a picture of her baby sister named Emma.  Flash forward three more years and we tell Lucy and Emma that we are having a baby.  Emma immediately informed us that the baby's name was Purple Flower.  Will and I laughed, and thought nothing more of it.  In the months leading up to Baby T Four's ultrasound, I became more and more convinced that I was having a boy and even had a boy name typed on our Christmas card - ready to be printed out as soon as the ultrasound confirmed my thoughts.  Emma continued to tell Will and I that the baby was a girl named Purple Flower but I was so convinced I was carrying a boy that I just laughed and chalked it up to purple being Emma's favorite color and her not wanting a baby brother.  After the ultrasound revealed our fourth child was another girl, we started giving Emma's name consideration.  After all, Luke named Lucy, Lucy named Emma, perhaps we should let Emma name Baby T Four?  But Purple Flower?

With slight modification, we are happy to introduce Baby T Four as Violet Rose Timmerman!

 

Her name has been officially sewn onto her stocking, as well as added to the traditional family Christmas ornament.

I can't tell you just how much I love seeing all four of my children's names together, if even it is just a stocking line up, or four gingerbread ornaments hanging on my Christmas tree.

I also immediately contacted the graphic designer of our Christmas card to change the boy name to a girl name.  She was very non judgemental when she found out I had named the baby as a boy without having ultrasound proof!

Which brings me to my last story.  This year's Christmas card.  I love sending out Christmas cards and updating my family and friends addresses by adding new addresses and names as well as acknowledging the names that have gone to heaven over the past year.  I also love the chance to sign all of our names, including my traditional line of "With Luke Forever in our Hearts."  This is my one chance each year to have Luke's name in a card.  But this year I wanted something completely different.  I wanted to find a way to show all of my babies together in one place, while announcing our fourth child's gender and name.  This is no easy task with one child in heaven and another child still in my tummy.  I finally came up with the above image and found an artist who was able to put our silhouettes into black and white while adding in Luke's and Violet's presence too!  It is my favorite picture of the year by far and I will treasure it forever.  

But there is more to the card than even I could have planned.  Because of the name change needed for the card, I ended up having to pay for rush shipping to get the cards to me before Christmas.  Completely worth the extra cost, but when they arrived on my doorstep the print quality was horrible.  I could barely read the words and the silhouettes were blurry.  I called the company and they told me that there was no way that they could get the reprints to me before Christmas.  In desperation, I called a local printer who has done a great job this year with handling all of our math poster printing.  He had the cards in my hand within three hours of me calling him.  Amazing turnaround and the cards looked great.  The downside however, is that they cost three times as much.  To make my frugal self feel better about the cost, I told myself that there had to be a reason that this happened with the cards and although I may never know, I will trust in a higher power and pay the price to have my Christmas cards out in time for Christmas.  I mailed the check with one of the Christmas cards to my printer.  Christmas eve I received an email from my printer.  He was touched by our Christmas card, and then shared a story about himself that I had NO IDEA about.  And probably never would have.  He has a child in heaven as well.  Comforting words were shared and our children were remembered by someone who knows first hand the scariness and sacredness of sharing our children's story.  I can't tell you how much this has been on my mind and how much it means to me.  I truly believe that his daughter and my son got together in heaven and helped show their parents that they are not alone in their missing and that they are still very much with us.

I am truly blessed and emotional beyond words this Christmas.  The pain, the joy, the love and the remembering are all wrapped up in my heart and it is overflowing with happy and sad tears.  

Here's to a Merry Christmas where you feel the presence of your loved ones near and far, on earth and in heaven.

No Small Talk

Because I haven't had a chance to get a word in edgewise this past month, I have come up with two words to describe Emma at 32 months: Nonstop Chatter.  From the moment she wakes up, until the moment she finally falls asleep, this girl is talking.  Will says she has found her voice.  If we are eating a meal, driving in the car, or accomplishing any mundane daily task, Emma is filling the air with sound waves.  She barely pauses for a breath or to hear a response and so usually she is repeating the same thing over and over again until we find a way to break through the chatter.

"Mom, when can I play with the iPad?  Is it time for me to play with the iPad?  I only played with the iPad yesterday.  Today is today and I need to play with the iPad.  When can I play with the iPad?"  And after I get a chance to answer she runs off and comes back a minute later asking, "Is it time to play with the iPad?  Lucy got to play with the iPad but I didn't.  I never get to play with the iPad.  How about I play with the iPad while you make lunch?  Dad let's me play with the iPad when he makes lunch.  I promise I will share with Lucy.  Can I play with the iPad?  I want to play with the iPad!"

Emma is definitely persistent.  Her favorite things to hound me about are time with the iPad, watching a movie, eating a treat, and having her vitamins.  Of course this doesn't limit anything else she may have decided she can't live without at the moment, but they do seem to be her favorite topics of begging.  After I tell her in so many words "not right now" she most usually responds with, "But Mama! Blah blitty blah blah blah..."  At which point I have tuned her out.  I have to say that I am able to tune a lot of things out.  It drives Will crazy sometimes as I really don't know what triggers the switch in my mind to shut down my "listening ears" and as a result I will occasionally tune Will out.  I've been trying to ease Will's hurt feelings by telling him it is simply an over active survival tactic my brain has employed so that his wife doesn't go to Crazy Town in a Hand Basket.

Just because Emma is talking all of the time doesn't necessarily mean we understand it, even if I am paying attention.  After our Christmas tree was up it took about an hour to realize that she wasn't saying "Trick or Treat" but in fact, "Christmas Tree."  Every week on our way to dance class, a portion of the trip is on a bumpy dirt road. When the tires hit the bumps I always say the line, "Hold on to your britches!" without giving it much thought.  We were on a different bumpy road the other day and she kept saying, "Hole to your bitches!" which I knew must mean something else but couldn't for the life of me figure out what.  That is until I glanced back at her and saw her holding onto her pant legs.  What a relief cracking that code was!

She is quite good natured when she isn't hungry or tired and so usually is a very accommodating little girl.  Here she is below taking pictures with her play camera of Lucy hosting a doll birthday party.  She is generally willing to go along with any play scheme Lucy cooks up and if asked nicely (emphasis on asked nicely!), will fork over any toy that Lucy requests.  Emma is known about our house as answering any request with, "Sure!"

She is still into accessorizing and tries to make sure her outfit for the day includes three things: something purple, a tutu and rings.  The other day we had a Christmas party with my side of the family at a restaurant.  Emma had a ton of fun playing with her cousins and in the hustle and bustle of packing up to go, we forgot her rings at the restaurant.  Emma realized her rings were missing after we had left and cried broken heartedly all the way home.  Under normal circumstances we would have turned the car around and gone back, however it was the first big snow storm of the year and the roads were horrible.  My heart was breaking for her as it was one of those times in parenting where as much as you want to make everything all better, my hands were tied and I had to watch real life consequences unfold.  That really affected me, and so when we got home I gave her a bracelet that I had been holding onto since my childhood.  A band aid, but definitely no replacement for what she had lost.

Here she is below showing off her rings and her self-given manicure polished with purple, permanent marker.

Emma: "Mom, do you like my nail polish?"

Me: "Oh, Emma, where did you find that marker at?"

Emma: "But Mama, do you like my pretty nails?"

Me: "Your nails look very pretty but I wish you didn't use a permanent marker."

Emma: "But Mom!  It's purple!  Purple is my favorite.  Do you like my nails Mama?"

Me: Sigh. "Yes Emma, I like your nails."

Here's Emma below wearing her favorite outfit, while taking a "back ride" up to bed on her favorite guy.

  Off to bed with you my purple princess.  Mama needs some time now to hear her own thoughts!