Treasured Twos

This past month definitely came with it's share of challenges.  Lucy is apparently still processing the adjustment of having a baby sister and what it means for her relationship with her parents and for her life in general.  Thankfully, Lucy still continues to have nothing but love for Emma but instead has chosen to take her frustrations out on Will and I with continued sleeplessness that results in crabbiness.  She also continues to have anxiety about many things and new to the list this month are lawnmowers and thunderstorms.  She screamed an entire day this past month when we had severe weather that lasted from morning to night.  In the beginning I was understanding, but by dinner time I was shaking my fists at the clouds and less than patient with Lucy.  One of the things that has helped me to keep my perspective is listening to seasoned moms with grown kids talk about how much they miss the days when their children were small.  Being in the trenches, my mind is mostly occupied with survival and it can be easy to lose sight of those tender little moments sprinkled into the craziness. 

The other day we were at my parents house and I was busy with my mom at the computer when Lucy ran in the house with my sister and exclaimed in the most excited voice you have ever heard: "Mama!  It's RAINING mama, it's RAINING!!"  My mom practically ate up the excitement that Lucy had over the fact that it was raining and had I not seen my mom's reaction to Lucy's exclamation, I wouldn't have paid attention to it any more than if you had told me it was raining.  I mean, it had in fact rained every single day in Michigan for the last month, so it wasn't really news to me.  But my mom saw this message from Lucy as so much more than a statement of the obvious.  It made her miss the days when her kids would come to her with messages about seemingly the most mundane things but present them to their beloved Mama as the most exciting thing to happen since Christmas.  The pure innocence and joy of living life in the moment is not something that we tend to keep as we grow closer and closer to adulthood.  And it had not occurred to me until this point that Lucy would outgrow this stage and I too would miss it.

As if to drive home this point even further, that same week I was watching one of my favorite sitcoms with Will.  On the show, a mom with three kids was crying about the fact that their daughter who was graduating middle school no longer ran to greet her parents when they came home from work.  That stopped my heart for a second.  Up until that moment, I had completely taken for granted Lucy's happiness to see Will or I.  When we pull in the driveway, Lucy runs to the window as soon as she hears our car, stands on her tiptoes and practically shakes with excitement while yelling our name.  And when we do walk in the house, she runs into our arms and gives the biggest hug while telling us excitedly about whatever it is she is thinking of that moment.  Someday this will stop and Lucy will sit in her room and care less when we arrive.  Yup, the universe has gotten together this past month and has gently relayed a message from God to treasure these moments.

So here is my treasure chest of Lucy moments from the last month:

Watching Lucy experience the joy of being with friends.  She is really starting to play with her friends as opposed to just playing next to them.  When on the playground, I overheard her shyly say to a girl a little bit bigger than her: "Emma.  Emma.  Emma.  Baby sister name Emma." as she looked up at the girl.  The girl interpreted this to mean that Lucy's name was Emma, but at least Lucy was putting herself out there!  Lucy seems to forget her worries when playing with her friends, and goes back to the old Lucy we remember which is comforting for us to see.  Here she is below with some of her closest friends - Katherine, Killian and Chloe in the first picture, Aeden in the next picture and Emily and Kayla in the third picture.

Holding both of my girls at the same time.  Lucy loves playing baby and being swaddled just like Emma.  Here I am below holding both of my babies on earth, with a heart even more full than my arms.

Exploring the great outdoors with Lucy.  Will and I have always loved being outdoors together, and have spent much of our relationship enjoying outdoor activities.  Outside has become even more exciting when watching it through our two-year old's eyes.  Here Lucy is below on the playground of our favorite hometown park.

We have an interesting family of ducks living near our house, and Lucy loves chasing them.  She hasn't caught them yet, but she has gotten really close.  You can't really tell from this picture, but the duck family consists of two males and one female.  Either that is one lucky lady duck, or as one of my friends wryly pointed out, the third wheel duck is probably their grown son who won't move out.

Here is Lucy and Will watching some ducks at the above mentioned park near our house.

Listening to Lucy's ever widening vocabulary.  Some of my favorite phrases from this month include:

• "I like this house." While driving Will and I tend to discuss various houses we see and comment on what we like and don't like.  Lucy picked up on this habit last month and has joined in on the conversation.  She now frequently points to random houses and tells us what she likes about them.
• "Bulldozers!  Backhoes!  Dump trucks!"  This is shouted multiple times from the back seat of our car as it is road work season in Michigan.  Lucy is fascinated by this heavy machinery and even asked the librarian all by herself last week for help finding the bulldozer-dump-truck-backhoe section of the library.  We currently have the entire section on loan.
• "You still there Mama?"  Lucy will ask this multiple times during a phone conversation with her.
• "Hey, Mom?"  A glimpse at big kid talk I think.
• "Stop it!"  Yikes.
• "Bye one two Grandmas!"  She said this as we left my parents house when visiting my mom and my grandma.  She also likes to point out at various times "Look mom!  One two babies!" referring to herself and Emma together on the bed, together on the floor, together in the car, etc.
• "God bless all those grandparents."  When saying her prayers she is sure to make sure her many grandparents are all covered with blessings.  She is quite a blessed little girl with five great grandparents and four grandparents.
• "A boppy, mom!  A boppy!"  Let me explain this one.  As you might know from previous posts, a boppy is the u-shaped pillow that supports your arms when holding a baby.  Lucy told me this after she pooped and I had no idea what she was talking about until I peaked into the toilet and sure enough, she was right!  It was shaped like a boppy!
• "Back door, front door, window."  Lucy describing the house she made out of her cut up toast pieces.  She loves playing with her food and makes the most creative messes.  She would sit at the table for hours if I let her, and I often times find myself bribing her to get down so we can move on with our day.
• Lucy loves singing Frosty the Snowman: "Frosty the snowman was a happy soul, with a corn pop nose and a button mouth and two eyes made out of coal!"
• "Bye Bye Miss American Pie."  When I was leaving the other day, she waved goodbye and said this to me.
• And finally, the other day when I was trying to get her dressed in the morning I told her to "Turn around." and she responded with "Bright Eyes."

Here Lucy is below, making art with her food.

Some people have labeled the stage Lucy is now entering as the Terrible Twos.  My mom has always called them the Terrific Twos.  I am going to focus on my newly created label, the Treasured Twos and I hope that keeps my perspective as we charter these exciting and sometimes choppy waters!

Emma's First Month

Time flies when you have a newborn and a toddler! Our little Emma was a month old yesterday. After only one short month our life has fallen into a routine again thanks to our combined past experience with Lucy and wisdom from two great books on infant care: "The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg and "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. Our schedule for the most part still revolves around what Lucy is used to, with some extra time rolled in for regular daily events like meal prep, feeding, cleaning up (food, toys, clothes, poop, pee, vomit, etc.) and preparing to go on any outing. Since my day gained extra tasks, but not extra hours, the things that have disappeared to allow me to care for a second child on earth include sleep, socializing, hobbies and even at times, eating. Thankfully, with my new perspective from experiencing life with a newborn before, I know eventually I will get all of these things back. I also realize now just how fast each phase changes in a baby's life and how much I will miss it when they are bigger. I can hardly believe it has been a month since the below pictures were taken at the hospital.

After bringing Emma home from the hospital, we had a wonderful two weeks with Will home from work with us. Honestly, it felt more like a vacation than the Spring Break Will had earlier that month, as I was miserably pregnant then and we still were trying to get ready for Emma's arrival with lots of things to check off our to-do lists. The first two weeks of Emma's life were relaxed and special. It was mainly just the four of us, learning how to be a family and spending time together. We also had some great holidays sprinkled in there - Easter and Lucy's 2nd birthday. Either way, it was nice to be able to just sit back and relax as a family. I dreaded Will's arrival back to work, but yet looked forward to starting the learning curve of balancing two children on my own.

Emma has been an easy baby so far, but the past month has definitely had a steep learning curve for me once Will went back to work. My day is spent ensuring that everyone's needs are being met in a timely fashion with as little crying as possible. Some days it seems like someone is always crying, whether it be Emma, Lucy, both of them, or even all three of us. I repeat as a mantra over and over to myself and sometimes out loud: "I am only one person. I am doing the best I can. I am only one person. I am doing the best I can."

Sometimes I feel like I am a living math story problem. You know the one where there are five people on an island, and they need to cross in a raft to the other side but only two people can ride the raft at the same time, and certain people can't be left alone with certain other people? For instance, once we are all dressed in the morning how do we get safely downstairs to start our day in as few trips as possible? I can't leave Lucy alone with Emma, I need to carry the bouncer down with two hands, and I have to grab extra diapers, outfits for both kids and our water glasses from the night before. Oh, and I can't forget the random and awkward sized toys that Lucy has decided she can't be on separate floors from. I've learned to do quick math in my head, and an average morning starts off with about three trips up and down the stairs before I can begin the next main event - breakfast.

Here Emma is below, spending time in her bouncer while her doting sister is told, "Don't lean on the bouncer - be careful - what a sweetie you are Lucy. Oh! Don't squeeze her hand too hard now. What a loving big sister you are..."

Yup, when Emma isn't being fed, changed or held, she can usually be found in her bouncer. As I write this post, she is sleeping in her bouncer next to my chair with the baby monitor next to her relaying the white noise that is currently playing upstairs for Lucy's nap. I am getting a two for one nap right now, which is priceless. Emma's easy going personality allows me to most times set her down sleepy in her bouncer, tightly swaddled and she will nod off on her own as long as there is a constant white noise playing in the background. This could be from the shower, the vacuum, or the white noise CD I purchased shortly before her birth. I wish I had known these tactics for Lucy's infancy. We also feel no guilt this time around for giving Emma a pacifier, as we know from our experience with Lucy that the benefits far outweigh the work involved in breaking the habit later.

Below is a picture of Emma's first bath. She cried for most of it, and had a look on her face like she didn't quite know what to make of bath time. Here Emma is being coached by Lucy on how to do "tummy time".It has been so cold this spring, that this is typically what Emma has to wear when we go for a walk. I put her in a snow suit, snuggle her up in a baby carrier close to my chest and then zip us both up into a maternity jacket of mine. It is like I am still pregnant with her, except she sits up higher, and I can kiss the top of her head. I love, love, love carrying her this way.Here Emma is below cuddling with her Grandma Hines.

Here Will is, talking with Emma. As a Daddy's Girl myself, it makes me smile to know that my daughters will also get to be Daddy's Girls.

Lucy's 2nd Birthday!

We celebrated Lucy's 2nd birthday this past Thursday, just the four of us and then had a family party with all of Lucy's grandparents, aunts and uncles this past Saturday. Here are the pictures and highlights below.

Lucy's birthday morning dawned bright and early, as Lucy knew it was HER day.
She also told us in the weeks leading up to her birthday exactly what gifts she thought she was getting - a "play kitchen with a phone" (she accidentally saw where we had it hidden in the upstairs of our garage) and "Elmo stuff"! She ended up getting a vintage Little Tikes doll house in addition to a vintage play kitchen and Elmo stuff. Here she is below opening up a box of "Elmo stuff".Lucy requested Elmo cupcakes for her birthday, and helped me decorate them. She even added extra special flavoring to some of the cupcakes as you can see in the below picture. Apparently the guy behind the camera knew this was going on before I did, but didn't seem overly concerned by it. When I realized that Lucy was methodically licking the tops of each cupcake, I was less than kind to the birthday girl. The camera man then captured Lucy's reaction to the lecture in the picture below. To our family that ate the Elmo cupcakes this past Saturday - we served you the ones that Lucy didn't lick - I promise!Will made a growth chart out of oak that we measure each of our children's birth lengths and then their heights at each birthday. Lucy measured at 33 inches tall.Here Lucy is with her Mama and baby sister enjoying cupcakes and ice cream on her birthday.Here Lucy is again, this time on Saturday, enjoying cupcakes and ice cream next to her baby sister.

I love the look on Lucy's face after she blew out her two candles. We actually ended up re-lighting the candles and singing the birthday song about four more times after this picture was taken. I think this was Lucy's favorite part of her entire birthday party and she happily sang along to her own birthday song.And just when we thought we owned every kind of Elmo toy ever made, Uncle Joe went and got Lucy the original Tickle Me Elmo. You shouldn't have, Uncle Joe. But Lucy sure loves it!

Happy birthday Lucy! Mama and Dada-do are so proud of you! Words cannot express how much happiness you have brought into our lives and we are so glad you are our daughter.

Lucy's Last Month Being One

Lucy's last month as a one year old was full of changes. No doubt, the biggest change of all was Lucy becoming a big sister. It has been quite an adjustment for Lucy, but she is very loving to her baby sister Emma. She likes to call her sister "Miss Emma", and makes proud statements regarding her sister like "Oooh, Emma, big yawns!" or "Emma pooped Mom, Emma pooped!" Lucy is also so full of hugs and kisses for Emma that Will and I find we cannot leave Lucy and Emma unattended for even a moment as Lucy doesn't quite understand gentleness yet.

Despite the love and excitement over Emma, Lucy has had a bit of a rough time with the change, and has coped with it through clingyness, sleeplessness and potty regressions. All of these have improved greatly over the past two weeks, however an underlying anxiety seems to linger. We are trying to be as patient as possible with Lucy as she expresses feelings of fear about everything from bugs, garbage trucks, loud noises (including the recent spring thunderstorms), strangers and even friends and family. I've read that it is a normal two year old milestone to begin to develop fears about the world around them as they begin thinking more deeply about things. I find it interesting that perhaps this natural milestone got jump started with the huge change a baby sister has brought to Lucy's life. Either way, we are trying to be sensitive to Lucy's needs without over-dramatizing her fears.

Lucy has come up with some funny phrases this past month, including:
-Upon leaving the house for an errand: "Bye Simone! See ya later! Come back soon! Miss you!"
-Upon leaving church for potty time: "Bye God!"
-When looking for Will: "Dada, are you?" (repeated over and over again until Will shows up, and even still repeated after Will shows up)
-When told to do something: "Yes, sir" or "No, sir."
-When wanting Will or I to come to her: "Come mirror!"
-When asked a question she responds: "Maybe." We are guessing she learned this word over the last month as every time she asked if Emma was coming today we would respond, "Maybe."
-And finally, after a shopping trip when we turn the car onto our street: "No turn (insert street name)! More stores!!"

Lucy got her very first haircut this past month, much to my excitement. I had taken her two times prior to get her first haircut, and each time was told to come back with her in six months when her hair was long enough. I told my friend who cuts our hair that I just didn't know what to do with Lucy's hair - it would never lay flat or do what I wanted it to. As my friend was cutting her hair, she realized that Lucy has CURLY hair, and that no wonder it would never do what I wanted it to, and for ****sake, to quit running a brush through it! Now when I do Lucy's hair I spritz it with water, put a tiny bit of gel in it, and then watch the ringlets just pop right out. Who knew someone with stick straight hair would have a daughter with perfect curls! Certainly not me!
One evening at bath time I happened upon little Lucy deep in prayer, and even had enough time to get my camera and capture it for eternity.As I've mentioned in previous posts, Lucy loves to draw and color. If I need to make a phone call, I take advantage of this interest in her and set her up at the table with crayons and paper. I was actually sitting right next to Lucy during a phone call to Lucy's Uncle Joe, when I realized too late that someone had accidentally put markers in the crayon bin. Amazingly enough, all the marker washed off except the orange so I only had a little explaining to do when Will came home from work. It also took everything in me NOT to even out the black moustache Lucy had started on her face. And sadly, the moment I realized what Lucy had done was when Lucy asked me for a "sipper". What the picture below doesn't show is that she had in fact sucked on the black marker and she wanted a drink of water to get the taste out of her mouth. And the Mother of the Year Award goes to.... not me!Here's my almost two year old in her new double stroller, ready for a walk.And finally, here is my firstborn baby girl, who I love so much, giving me a cuddle just days before Miss Emma was born. Life is definitely different now that I have two girls to cuddle and love and it has been an adjustment for me as well. I miss my days of just Lucy and I, and the closeness that we had. Lucy and I had a good thing going, and life was worked out in such an easy and familiar way. I am so happy that Emma is here, and I can't hold her or kiss her enough. However I am grieving my old relationship with Lucy. I miss what we had, but would never trade Emma in to have it back.

So, our earthly family of three is learning how to be an earthly family of four and I would wish it no other way.

Easter Traditions

Here are the highlights from Easter, where we enjoyed both old and new family traditions.

This was the first year we dyed Easter eggs as a family. Last Easter Lucy wasn't yet one, so we were very excited to begin this Easter tradition.Obviously Emma isn't quite one yet this Easter, but we gave her a purple crayon to try marking her own egg so she wouldn't feel left out. As younger siblings ourselves, Will and I have a keen awareness of how it feels to want to do what your older sibling is doing.Lucy only broke one egg (out of a dozen), and thoroughly enjoyed 'dropping' the eggs into the different cups of dye.As you all know by now, I am a big fan of writing out my family's names as it is the only way I can see our family together on earth. Our Easter eggs were no eggception!After church on Sunday, we headed to the cemetery to visit Luke and drop off an Easter egg for him - a tradition we've done since we lost Luke. It was also the first day warm enough to bring Emma outside and get a picture of her little feet next to Luke's on his headstone - a tradition we started after Lucy was born. When we got to the cemetery, Lucy got out of the car and I overheard her saying "Lukey, are you? Lukey, are you?" as she made her way to his grave. This near about broke Will's and my heart, as we explained to Lucy that we were just going to place the plastic blue egg with a love note in it on his grave, not actually give it to Lukey, as Lukey is in heaven. She didn't say anything to this, but then changed her chattering at Luke's grave to, "I love you, Lukey. Miss you. Love you." Sadly, this is as close as my three children will ever physically be on earth. Will and I definitely choked up, as we stood there watching Lucy run around in the grass and the sun shine on Emma's sleeping face. As Lucy's dress blew in the breeze and we listened to her happy giggles as she ran around from stone to stone we couldn't help but imagine what it would be like with Luke running next to his sister, and how it would feel to watch all three of our children enjoy Easter festivities together. I like to think that Lucy's carefree happiness in the open grass and warm temperatures was a direct reflection of Luke's happiness in heaven. Lucy's innocent joy in the simple pleasures of life were not diluted by the fact that we were at a cemetery visiting a brother she would never play with on earth. Lucy's ability to embrace the moment for exactly what it was and nothing more was inspiring and we knew at that moment that Luke was enjoying Easter in much the same way. So we did a family hug, dried our tears, watched Lucy rob several graves of flags, angel statues and flowers, and then headed home (after of course putting back all of the mementos to their rightful graves).Once home from the cemetery, we enjoyed another new family tradition - an Easter egg hunt in the backyard. It was a ton of fun watching Lucy hunt for eggs and we couldn't help but imagine next year with Emma taking her first couple of toddles, looking for eggs with Lucy. We hope you all had a wonderful Easter!

Introducing Emma Elise Timmerman

Emma Elise Timmerman is finally here!

Emma arrived early this past Saturday morning, April 16th at 12:48 a.m. She weighed in at 7 pounds 8 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. She has very long and slender hands and feet, black hair like me, and Will's nose. Her eyes are still a milky dark blue, so only time knows what color they will be as of yet. I will let the below pictures help describe our little girl's arrival.

This past Friday morning I went into the hospital for a non-stress test because I hadn't felt little Emma move in over 12 hours. After everything checked out okay with Emma, the nurses called my doctor and discussed what to do next. For some reason I was no longer able to feel her moving, but the monitors revealed that she was still wiggling around just fine. I felt I was between two difficult choices - to leave the hospital still unable to feel Emma moving and continue to go out of my mind with worry and sleeplessness, or to stay and have them induce me. After discussing in length with Will, the nurses and doctor, we decided to be induced. I would have preferred to have Emma come naturally, but given my past history, I was no longer able to give Emma a calm environment with all of my worry. So three days past her due date I was hooked up to pitocin and praying that we had made the right decision. Twelve hours later when I heard her first cry and got to hold her in my arms and cover her in kisses I knew that we had. Oh, the sweet joy and bliss to finally have Emma safe in our arms! I felt like we had waited forever for her, and finally she was here. It was a moment I will never forget for as long as I live.

Here Emma is below, getting her hair combed after her first bath. Will is very proud of the fact that she has hair to be combed, and that it is the same color as my hair.Here Emma is sucking on her hands, which she has been doing since the moment she was born. The nurses told me this is good and bad - good, because it means that Emma has already found a way to self-soothe while in utero, but bad because sucking on hands is a lot harder habit to break than tossing a pacifier. I will focus on the fact that my daughter is a self-soother.Emma was very alert right after her birth, and gazed into my eyes like she has known me for eternity. It is amazing how even though I met Emma for the first time face to face, I already knew and loved so much about her. The below picture I will title: Proud Parents. Need I say more?

Proud Papa.

Proud and loving big sister.

Proud daddy with his girls.
The day we were discharged from the hospital, the kitchen sent up a Happy Birthday cupcake to celebrate Emma. The timing couldn't have been better. Lucy had just arrived to bring her Mama and baby sister home so it was a perfect way to celebrate our new little family together and made for a great memory.

Here are our two girls, going home to make our dream home even more of a dream come true. As we turned onto our street, Lucy reached over to her baby sister and told her the name of our street. Good to know, big sister, good to know.