Joyous

This past weekend, Will and I had the honor of standing up in the wedding of my oldest friend, Lindsay in Saugatuck, Michigan. We have known each other since 5th grade and I have always felt an 'other' world connection with her. No matter where our lives take us - different colleges, different cities, different states, the connection is always there. She has been such a blessing in my life. This past weekend can be summed up into one word: Joyous. Lindsay and Jim, your wedding was absolutly beautiful. The flowers, The Belvedere, the dress, the bride, the groom, the autumn colors, the details. But that just describes the background. What was truly beautiful was the love that you both clearly share, and the way that both of your amazing families and friends came together. The utter joy and happiness that you could almost reach out and touch. I kept thinking as I watched your guests dance and interact that this is what heaven must be like. The love, happiness and JOY was tangible. It was an amazing weekend. Thank you Lindsay and Jim for giving us the chance to share in such joy. On a side note, Wee T was happy that she got to dance to Abba's Dancing Queen for the first time with her mom's friends.

On Sunday, we were able to take Wee T for a hike to see Lake Michigan. The fall colors were amazing. We were slightly disappointed though that when we got to the last sand dune, we couldn't go over it to see the water because the wind was so strong and sand was blowing everywhere. We did hear the water though, and it sounded like an ocean! Either way, it was a nice ending to a wonderful weekend.

I was 14 weeks on Monday and am into the second trimester now. This is supposed to be the honeymoon trimester where the morning sickness is all but gone and I'm not big enough to be uncomfortable yet. I keep reminding myself to appreciate it!

Wee T's Heartbeat!

Yesterday was Will's birthday, and about a month ago I had the brilliant idea of making the heartbeat appointment for our little one on his birthday for a meaningful present. As the appointment got closer, I started to panic though. What if we heard bad news? What if they couldn't find the heartbeat? The last time Will and I went in to hear our baby's heartbeat, we found out that Luke was gone. Needless to say, our wonderful doctor found the heartbeat, but it took a few panic stricken seconds where I know both Will's and my heart felt like they stopped. Never have we heard such a sweet sound though, as little Wee T's heartbeat. Thank God! So, it did end up being a great birthday present for Will.

And yes, Wee T is the nickname we are giving our new little one, and from here on out (until testing proves otherwise!) I will be referring to Wee T as a she/her to avoid using 'it'. Baby T will always be Luke's so we felt like we needed something different for this baby. Fortunately, when talking to my friend Lindsay about our search for a name, her fiance (soon to be husband this coming Saturday!) Jim came up with Wee T, which Will and I both thought was so cute. We won't go into where Jim got this name from, but will say that we are still waiting to hear back from him on what Wee T's super powers are.

Wee T has had an eventful week - Wee T was on the 11 o'clock news on Friday night for a financial segment, and then traveled to Kalamazoo on Saturday for Lindsay's bachelorette party. Wee T even got to sip on some non-alcoholic martini's that Piper and Stacy so thoughtfully made. Then on Sunday, she got to go to a good friend's baptism, where her Mom and Dad were so honored to be the Godparents of baby Killian. Wee T rounded out the busy couple of days by showing off her heartbeat for her Dad's birthday.

Luke would have been 8 months on Sunday. Lukey, we love you! Please keep Wee T safe!

Luke's going to be a big brother!

Will and I are happy to say that Luke is going to be a big brother! We are expecting our second child to arrive sometime in April. About a month before we found out we were pregnant, I asked Luke to send me a sign so that I wouldn't worry as much during our next pregnancy. A month later, right before we found out we were pregnant, I had a dream that I was holding a healthy baby girl. So, hopefully Luke got the gender right (because I'm referring to the baby as a girl now), but I think the important thing he wanted his mom to know is that this baby is going to be healthy.

Being pregnant again has brought a strange mix of emotions. In fact, I think it has caused us to miss our Luke even more. I am still not over missing my baby boy. I still think about him every day. I still wish for him back. I am still his mother. Just because we are happy to have a second child doesn't mean that we have forgotten or hope to replace Luke. No matter how many children we have, none of them will replace Luke and there will always be a part of our family that is missing. While we are now looking forward to our second child, we will always have a hole in our heart and life where Luke should have been. Another baby cannot fill that hole. This baby is new to me, and does nothing to erase the pain of missing Luke. I may be able to better handle my grief, to hide it, to live with it, but it is still there. I still mourn and love my Luke while celebrating our new baby. This new baby does not exclude or 'make up for' missing our Lukey. Luke will always be our firstborn, and we can't wait to tell our new little one all about their big brother in heaven.

With that being said, please keep us in your prayers as we find the balance between celebrating our new child, while still grieving for our son Luke.

Today, Luke would have been 7 months old. We miss you Luke, more than we know how to say.

Luke Thomas Timmerman

On Tuesday, February 19 at 11:14 am, Will and I welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world - Luke Thomas Timmerman. He was 5 lbs. 1 oz., 19 inches long and had dark hair like his mom. Sadly, Luke had passed away the Sunday earlier because the umbilical cord had wrapped around our son's tiny little leg. We would like to think that if Luke had anything to do with it, he would be here with us today, our strong little fighter. Luke has his mom's feet - and they were really big! Luke also has his mom's hands and his dad's forehead, nose and ears. Will and I have never been so proud to meet such a tiny person, and are so happy that we have a son. He is our little boy up in heaven and we can't wait to one day be able to hold him again. Until then, he will be a part of our daily lives and Will and I are so much happier for having met him.

Luke's funeral will be Saturday, February 23 at 10:00am at St. Jane Frances de Chantel (Ryan Rd., between 16 & 17 Mile Rd.). Visitation will be at 9:30am. A private burial will follow at the cemetary.

Thank you to all of our family and friends for your support over the last several months. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we grieve the loss of our beautiful son, Luke.

Baby Timmerman's Little Face

Here is one of the ultrasound pictures from this past Thursday. You can see Baby T.'s little chubby cheek resting on his/her arm. The darkness along Baby T.'s hairline is just where the ultrasound left off - not hair, as I was hoping. So, it is still a mystery as to what type of hair, if any, that our baby has.

Ultrasound Update

Today Will and I had our weekly doctor appointment, followed by an ultrasound. It has been 4 weeks since our last ultrasound. This time we were actually able to see our baby's face in 3D, and noticed that his ears and nose look like Will's. However, he looks like he inherited my feet. Poor kid! It is amazing how clear the picture is on the high tec equipment at Royal Oak Beaumont. The best news is, there didn't seem to be any fluid on the baby's brain, which is great because a large percentage of babies with spina bifida do have fluid on the brain that needs to be drained with a shunt once they are born. So far so good for our little one though. The levels of amniotic fluid are still very high, and as we were leaving this afternoon, the doctor reminded us with a laugh to not forget our beach towel. Nice, huh.

Interesting side note - for the last week or two I have been having sharp pain under my ribs, and seasoned mothers have told me that is the baby kicking. Well, today during the ultrasound I was having those same sharp pains under my right ribs. So, the ultrasound tech investigated and found out that the baby's feet were nowhere near my ribs, but that my gall bladder was right there. So - a public apology to Baby T.! Mom is sorry for accusing you for the rib pain!

That's it for now. I'm going to go put my feet up. My ankles have swollen, and have been replaced with kankles! I hesitate to blame Baby T....

33 Weeks

On Saturday I was 33 weeks. Only 7 to go! At this point however, I will be shocked if I make it another 7 weeks. Last week at our doctor appointment, the doctor said I was measuring at 37 weeks because of the excessive amounts of amniotic fluid that I have. The good news about the large amounts of amniotic fluid, is that our baby's one kidney is working as that is what makes the amniotic fluid. The bad news is that because our baby's esophogus isn't connected to his stomach, he is unable to swallow the amniotic fluid and pass it through his umbilical cord and out through me. So, the amniotic fluid keeps building up with no place to go. We thought the doctor was joking at our last ultrasound, when she told us to carry around a beach towel. I guess the pressure from all of the fluid will eventually cause my water to break like Niagra Falls. I am just really hoping that doesn't happen in public somewhere!

Will and I are continuing to make preparations for the baby. On Saturday we had a tour of the hospital, and the neonatal intensive care unit where our baby will be after he is born. We feel a lot better now, knowing exactly where everything will take place, and are comforted by the fact that everyone we spoke with was very nice. I think we will be in very good hands.

A note about the arrival of Baby T. - we learned on Saturday that Baby T. will be staying on a seperate floor from me, in the neonatal intensive care unit, and will be unable to have visitors without either Will or I accompanying them, one at a time. Unfortunately we are going to have to request that our friends and family wait until Baby T. is stablized before we can have visitors, as it will be too difficult for Will to play tour guide while I am on a different floor recovering. This definitely isn't how we anticipated the arrival of our first child going - as we are very excited to introduce Baby T. to our friends and family. We will just have to make do with the situation we are given. So - upon Baby T's arrival, expect to find pictures on this blog to tide you over until we can accept visitors. The good news is - Beaumont has wireless interenet so we will be able to post the pictures quickly. AND, yesterday we bought a new digital camera just for this event, so hopefully the pictures will be top notch!