February 2020

February, the shortest-longest month of the year for me.  Little did I know what March would bring this year!  But, I will stick to February in this blogpost.  This past month we continued to have car troubles.  It has gotten to the point where I believe we have PTSD if any of us hear the beep beep beep of a tow truck lowing it's lift.  We know the tow truck drivers by name, and even have a favorite rescuer.  After months of dealing with Will's car and various age-related and accident-related issues, it continues to randomly not start.  Multiple dealerships have "fixed" the problem and we paid the hefty bills, but his car continued to be unreliable.  And then, as an answer to prayer, the auto shop teacher at Will's school fixed the problem for free.  I feel as though we could never repay him.  I hope that we never take for granted a car that starts when you want (and need!) it to start.  

Ironically, due to sickness and car problems, we have spent so much time at home in the few months that have started off 2020.  More foreshadowing of how 2020 will continue to unfold for us!  In the meantime, here are all four of my earthly children below, in two photos that were taken exactly one year apart to the date.

Charlie enjoyed our time with him outdoors this past month.  Opal loves Charlie so much and whenever she sees him says, "Hold Him!  Hold Him!" as she squeezes her own arms to her chest.  She is not allowed to hold him yet as they are practically the same size, but one day soon she will be big enough.  In the meantime, Charlie is not only tolerant, but I think actually enjoys her attention and petting.

 The kids got a scare when they went to take a photo of their snow fort and didn't realize that Charlie was hiding out in there.  I love the two photos above - one of him hunkered down in the fort, and the next with him fleeing.  He probably got a scare too, thinking he had found the perfect hideaway.

If it's going to be cold out, I much prefer there to be snow.  That way, there is something pretty to look at out of my window, and even more importantly, something for the kids to do outside.  When there is snow, I do not need to force them to go play outside, but where there isn't any snow and it is just plain cold, it is almost impossible to get them outside!

By the end of February, the snow started melting and you could feel the coming of spring in the air.  Here my kids are below, with a homemade "river" that they made with melting snow.  In the righthand photo below, is my earthly family joined together even in our shadows.

I had a booth at the annual Birds and Bees Festival this past month at a nearby nature center.  I think this is my fourth year as a vendor/teacher, and each year gets better and better.  It is such a great group of people and visitors there that I always spend the entire time with a giant smile on my face.  The other great thing about it, is that they embrace my kids tagging along and it really is a highlight for our entire family.  Here Lucy is below, making more lavender rice eye masks to sell at the event.  Lucy is allergic to lavender, but doesn't let that stop her from making something she knows will sell.  When I saw her with a makeshift mask on, made out of a handkerchief, I asked her if she was doing okay with the lavender scent.  She replied, "Of course!  It's the smell of money!"  

School went on as usual this past month, with some additional interest added in when we took a break one morning from our planned schedule to watch a tree get cut down across the street from us.  Imagine all five of us clapping when the tree fell exactly where the workers had planned.  Timber!!!

Violet still loves playing with PlayDoh, and also eating my homemade chicken noodle soup.  Lucy loves being creative with flowers and cameras - sometimes even together.  Emma loves playing wherever the action is.

Friends of ours had a day off this past month, and took my older three with them to the park to give me a little down time.  It was so lovely, on many fronts because I felt very loved, and my kids had a great time too.  I have been taking an online class on Homeopathy, and the semester is sixteen weeks long.  It has been a challenge to get the assignments completed without extra help or something else dropping out of my schedule.  As I type this I am more than halfway through the class, so it looks like I will be able to pull it off.  In order to take the next class though, something else is going to have to give.  The top photo below is my kids and their friends at the park, and the bottom photo below is me finding an hour pocket of time in the parking lot after I dropped my older three off at catechism.

We had a simple Valentine's Day, which of course is my favorite way to celebrate.  Homemade cards and chocolate to and from the ones we love.

 We headed north for a long weekend with friends this past month, and rented a house together.

 The weather was super cold, but the company was warm and the kids all got along so very well.  We had a great time and lots of memories were made.

 I'm so glad that our families have found ways to make moments like this happen.  I was a stress ball trying to pack for the trip while Will was at work, and my friend was in a similar boat.  Fortunately we had the drive north to decompress and by the time we all arrived, we were ready for a weekend of fun.

 We arrived back home the day before Luke's 12th birthday.  For the last few years I have been feeling a pull to pare down and transform how we celebrate our child in heaven.  This year I feel like we may have gotten it just about right.  So many of the traditions that we have built up over the years have started to feel heavy and binding.  To pull off most of these traditions, involves work on my end.  I just want to have a simple and relaxing day.  I don't mind working to pull off magical birthdays for my children on earth, but since I don't get to see the payoffs of Luke's happy face, the work seems empty and exhausting.  This year we simplified - Will still took the day off of work, we bought yellow tulips, made a trip to the cemetery and ate a few tootsie rolls, and then did some flying wish paper instead of a balloon release (to save the environment) that evening after we had a simple dessert (store bought pizzelles, ice cream and hot fudge) and sang Happy Birthday to Luke in heaven.

The sun shone so brightly most of the day, so despite the chilly temperatures, it was good to be outside.  A dear friend sent a beautiful angel figurine in memory of Luke's birthday, and my sister sent a pink tulip card written in German all the way from Austria where she is living this year.  Both of these items arrived smelling of tulips, which is my sign that Luke is with us still.  

After the cemetery and our regular bi-weekly chiropractor appointment, we came home and enjoyed streaming the new Frozen 2 movie which we hadn't had a chance to see in the theaters due to sickness over the holidays.  It was a great movie, and a great day, and maybe, just maybe next year I won't dread Luke's birthday or the month of February nearly as much.  It is hard to believe he is 12 now, and hard to believe that it's been 12 years since we held him last.  We still miss him every day, and thanks to his sisters, his name is mentioned multiple times a day still.  He will always be a part of us, and never forgotten.