Sugar and Spice in December

We started out the month of December by putting our Christmas decorations up.  We took our artificial tree out of it's box after Thanksgiving, and began setting it up, saying the same lines we have said for the last five or six years, "When Christmas is over, we will put this at the curb. Let's get one more year out of it."  Upon putting the tree in it's stand, Violet ran by and the breeze from her running through the room almost knocked the tree over.  After twelve Christmases with a $30 tree from JoAnn Fabrics, it was time.  Will and I tend to hold on to things until they break, and then we fix them and when they break again, we fix them again, and again and again.  This tree was no exception.  We found a gorgeous tree for a great price that fits in the limited space we have perfectly and it has really added to our holidays.

It was nice to do our schoolwork in the soft glow of our new tree this past month.  We have done lots of read aloud chapter books and among the favorites was Sarah, Plain and Tall.  Violet is getting slightly better about letting us read books together and even has a handful of her own books that she has completely memorized.  These sisters have been intense to say the least however, and I may work our school year slightly different next year to allow more time off before the holidays, or better yet to include our preparations for the holidays into our curriculum.  

Unlike most Decembers, the weather was mild this year and so I really just wanted to be outside whenever the thermometer was above freezing.  I think the reason I am able to accomplish more projects before the holidays than the rest of the year combined is because the weather isn't a distraction from my to-do list.  So, between the outdoor time and the holiday projects, our school time was a rushed and frustrating experience.  But, one of the reasons we are homeschooling is to increase the flexibility in our life and although the learning curve is steep, I will hopefully plan a bit better next year.  Here we are below, walking the trail behind our local cider mill with my parents on our favorite day of the week "Apple Fritter Friday."  

Will's dad's birthday was this past month as well, and we had fun celebrating with him.  The girls equate the Sanders chocolate bumpy cake with Grandpa T. and whenever they spot it in the store, they call it Grandpa's cake.  What a legacy.

Our town does an amazing job with the holidays and boasts a light-filled Main Street and a life-size gingerbread house in the local hotel lobby.  Now that we have lived here for almost six years, we have seriously down-sized what events we participate in, and we make sure to enjoy the sights of the season when it is the least crowded.  You could say we are seasoned locals now.  In the below pictures we are enjoying the fun of the holidays.  Lucy and Emma helped me stuff and seal our Christmas cards and make Christmas soaps to give to friends and family.  They also received a Lego Advent Calendar that they fought over every day as they tried to remember whose turn it was to open the flap.  Will and I don't threaten the kids with Santa to get them to be good, mainly because we don't want to have to follow through on our threats.  Emma was still relieved in the right hand picture below when she found her name on Santa's list at the dentist's office.

We did participate in our church's annual kids Christmas party which the kids love going to.  Lucy and Emma were very brave and well-rehearsed on what they asked St. Nicholas for but Violet was traumatized and every time she sees a Santa since, it triggers the memory and she tells us, "NO, SANTA!  NO SANTA!" and then squeezes my neck in fear.  At which point I say, "Violet said no to Santa?  And then mama scooped you up and hugged you tight?"  It's kind of nice painting myself in her memory as the hero, and not the loved one who broke her trust when I left her on a strange man's lap.  The bottom right hand picture below was a game at the party where the girls had to put one of each of their arms into the sleeves of an oversized shirt and try to wrap a present together.  It was hilarious and reminded Will and I of the "get-along" shirt we had tried before with them as a consequence of fighting.

Lucy and Emma had their second annual Holiday Show dance recital this past month as well.  They were like seasoned pros and didn't even show the least bit of anxiety about performing on stage this time.  They danced to Jingle Bells and Emma told me after the show was over that she wanted to dance for as long as she was allowed to.  And then she asked,  "How long are people allowed to dance for mom?"  

Every year we make an ornament to decorate Luke's grave blanket that we put at the cemetery for Christmas.  This year we made ornaments out of Perler Beads.  Even Violet joined in on the fun.

My sister Jane arrived in town for Christmas just in time to help us decorate Luke's grave blanket.  She always seems to show up exactly at the right time.  It's almost as if she has a sixth sense in regards to her Godson Luke.

This is our eighth Christmas missing Luke and although the pain of it has become more manageable over time, it definitely becomes magnified during the holidays.  A couple of days before Christmas we took a mini trip to Indiana to pick up some custom built-in furniture we had made by our favorite Amish craftsman.  We spent one night in Indiana and enjoyed delicious Amish food.  The furniture barely fit in the car, and for Lucy to get into her seat, Will had to load her in from the trunk.  As the girls were laying in bed at the hotel, being squirrelly and making Will and I doubt our sanity for purposely choosing to sleep even less right before Christmas, Lucy said that she brought Luke's stuffed animal with her so that he could enjoy the vacation with us.  In the bottom right hand picture below, all four of my kids are represented - the yellow duck for Luke and Emma, Violet and Lucy as themselves.  God only knows how a hotel stay with four kids would go, but you better believe that we would have gladly tried it.

On Christmas Eve Will and I took turns taking the girls out for some Christmas shopping for their family.  Will took Lucy out first, and then when he returned, Emma and I hit the road.  On our way to the first store on our list, Emma began talking about Luke and telling me how she wished that he was here on earth with us.  It was such a nice conversation, as usually Lucy does the talking when it comes to Luke and Emma just listens.  As we were walking into the store, still talking about Luke, I spotted a penny on the ground and nudged Emma to pick it up.  When we got into the store it occurred to me with a shiver and a giant grin that pennies are sometimes referred to as Kisses from Heaven, placed there by a loved one that we are missing.  I knelt down to Emma's level and explained this to her.  Then, it occurred to me to check the date on the penny.  I was hoping so badly that the date would be either Luke's birth year or Emma's.  Nope.  It was my birth year.  I could spend my time calculating the odds of that and perhaps explain away any heavenly reason, but I am choosing to believe that Luke was also in the business of shopping for Christmas gifts for his family that day, and he gave one to his momma.

That night, after church, our Christmas Eve dinner and putting out milk and cookies for Santa, Will and I created Christmas magic and then wrote our yearly letter to Luke.  We dread that moment when all of our Christmas chores are finished and we have to sit down and truly acknowledge that another year has passed without our first born with us on earth.  Through tears we write his letter and then add it to the other letters from previous Christmases in his stocking.  Afterwards though, a peace fills us and we feel a little bit better.  Sad, but accepting I suppose.  It's almost like we need to clear the air and put the sadness in it's place so that we can feel the joy of Christmas morning more fully with our earthly children.  I never knew that it was possible to entertain both sadness and joy in the same human heart but thanks to Lucy, Emma and Violet, it most certainly is possible.  We had a wonderful Christmas morning - Santa brought everything the girls had asked for and the surprises Will and I had gotten for them were met with excitement and appreciation too.  

Lucy had asked Santa for a surprise and was surprised with a Frozen Lego Castle and Fashion Drawing Plates.  Emma had asked Santa for Friends Legos and a jack in the box and received both.  Violet was given a doll umbrella, a backpack that looks like a cat and a Duplo Ice Cream Truck.  I even received a Lego set from Santa and had a lot of fun building Legos with Lucy and Emma that morning.  Will and I got the girls each a ride on bouncey ball which we vacillate between regretting and feeling grateful that they have something to get their energy out with when the weather is too cold outside.  One of my favorite gifts that the girls got though, was a doll changing table that Will made for them and I sewed a changing pad and a cloth organizer to hang from the side.  I had a lot of fun organizing their doll clothes on tiny wooden doll hangers and putting all of their doll accessories on the shelves.  What a bonus to be able to have fun and relive my own favorite childhood pastimes with my kids!  Will also loved Legos when he was a kid, but mostly spent the morning cleaning up and cooking while the girls and I played.  For the record, Will said he wouldn't change a thing.

 Christmas afternoon we changed out of our pajamas and headed over to my parents house.  All but one of my six siblings was there and we had a great time.  My sister hadn't been with us since September, and she definitely made up for lost time by playing songs by request on the piano.  We come from a long line of family who believe that a holiday isn't a holiday unless there is singing around a piano.  This used to embarrass me to no end, but I must have crossed over some type of adult threshold because it didn't occur to me until days later that my sister and I had single handedly taken the tradition firmly into our generation and although my vocals are shockingly off key, it sure made for a Merry Christmas.

Of course my kids were happy to run around with their cousins and to open presents together and share a look of uncomfortable awe at their aunties and other relatives singing along to the piano.

The following day we hosted a mini Christmas at our house with Will's family.  We were honored when his Grandma arrived as she hasn't been at our house in over a year.  It is difficult for her to make the drive and be out for long periods of time, but she seemed to take it all in stride and she only had eyes for her great grand children.  Will's brother and Chris were also in town, so that made for an extra special gathering. 

I was hoping to spend as much time as possible with my sister while she was in town for Christmas, especially since she has no idea when she will be back next, but alas, Violet came down with a stomach bug a couple of days after Christmas and was sick for almost a week.  We were better in time to catch Jane with about three days to spare before she flew back to her home in New Jersey.

Our Violet-induced quarantine made for lots of family bonding time.  Or in other words, our house felt way too small for the three little personalities we are in charge of.  Fortunately, thanks to our grocery delivery service, we had ample ingredients on hand for cooking up lots of different recipes in bulk, so my freezer is stocked now too.  Some things went well, and others not so much.  I made a delicious cranberry and pear sauce, chicken pot pies in bulk, an amazing one pot beef stew as well as a berry and an apple pie.  I also tried roasting chestnuts and instead they spontaneously combusted and turned the air quality in our house to smog-like levels.  I also made Chex party mix which made me horribly sick.  Come to find out Worcestershire sauce is on my list of no-no foods.

Despite the food set-backs, I am starting to feel quite confident in the kitchen.  I have accumulated a solid number of recipes that I can cook well and I am starting to prefer my cooking over most other food options.  One of my favorite things is when my family tells me that the food that I made them is the best food in the world.  Especially when three out of the four food critics would choose to survive on mac and cheese and hot dogs if given the option.  Okay, so I'm not dealing with refined tastes, however if they are eating something other than their preferred options, that is a huge win for me.  It's the little things in motherhood and I am excited to imagine that someday, when they are grown and come back home, I can make them the foods that have become a part of our family's history from my own practicing in the kitchen and a little bit of help from Pinterest.

New Year's Eve was quiet, just how we like it and we spent the day talking about our hopes and plans for the new year as well as trying to get everyone healthy.  We took turns soaking our feet, did several rounds of elderberry syrup and vitamins and even did a picnic dinner with a movie, followed by our second annual burning bowl to let go of the things and emotions we have outgrown so that we have room for the new dreams in our life.

Top on our list is to create more harmony and peace in our house.  Less yelling, more playing.  Less fighting, more respect.  It has occurred to me that perhaps my three little beauties could benefit from more formal lessons on what a family is, and what is required when you are a part of one.  Work and play, love and forgiveness.  Otherwise, I'm not sure how I will handle this trio when they are teenagers, as the attitude and sass in what is supposed to be their sweet years is about to do me in!

Sugar and spice, that is what these little girls are made of!