Thankful for Emma at 18 Months

At eighteen months, Emma is a cuddly, sweet, silly, and adventurous girl.  I am happy to say that last month's tantrums seem to have simmered down a bit for now, although we are still laughing when they do occur.  Here she is below, upset that we told her she couldn't go to bed with her necklaces on.

She finally has all of her one year old teeth and her vocabulary continues to grow too.  Her newest and most used phrase this month is, "I'm hungry."

This girl eats all day long and it takes forever to go anywhere now as I literally have to pack a cooler to keep her fed.  You'd never think she could possibly be hungry with cheeks like the ones below.

When she is hungry, she will ask for two things, "apple" or "gum", which means any and all candy.  She calls pumpkins "pum pums" and when she or I am trying to make a decision, she will say, "hmmm."  Here she is below at our favorite new ice cream place downtown where she got to have "gum" on her ice cream.

Emma gets excited when she sees babies and animals and can say "birds", "mamas" which for some reason is what she calls squirrels, "woof woofs" for dogs, and "meow meows" for cats.  She still refers to our chickens as "babies".  Here she is below chasing after our baby chickens.

Emma and Lucy continue to share the bond called sisterhood, but unfortunately not the accessories.  Emma is well aware which toys are hers and which are Lucy.  If Lucy isn't around, Emma will gleefully play with all of the forbidden toys.  If Lucy catches Emma with something that belongs to Lucy, Emma will drop whatever it is and run.  Sometimes Emma decides that a toy is worth fighting for, but Lucy can usually sweet talk it out of Emma's hands with empty promises of ice cream and Elmo balloons.  It makes me feel bad for Emma but I try to stay out of it.  Lately I've noticed when we are out in public people tend to only talk to Lucy and ignore Emma.  Emma has begun to stand up for herself and will vigorously point to herself while loudly saying, "Emma.  Emma.  Emma." until the person acknowledges her.  This hurts my heart too, but also makes me proud that Emma is starting to stand up for herself.  It is also a good reminder to me to remember the younger sibling.  So often it is easy to assume they don't understand, but they really don't miss a thing.  Either way, Emma thinks that the sun rises and sets with Lucy and wants to be with "Sissie" any chance she gets.

Lucy refers to herself as "mama" when she is talking to Emma and calls Emma her daughter.  She loves to play house with Emma who usually goes along with Lucy's ideas for a little bit at least until I hear screaming.  

At that point I ask Lucy, "What is Emma trying to tell you?" and Lucy responds, "Give her some space."  My response is usually the same too: "So get off of her and let go of her hand."

Being just like Lucy is also tops on Emma's list and Emma has been asking to use the potty anytime Lucy does.

Emma's baby mullet was looking more and more scraggly this past month so I decided it was time for her first haircut.  Lucy needed a haircut too, and Lucy agreed to go first so that Emma wouldn't be scared when it was her turn.  Here Emma is below watching Lucy get her hair cut.

And here Emma is getting her first hair cut.  My baby is growing up so fast!

Her sense of adventure keeps her constantly on the move and she likes to swing in a 'big girl swing' now which is super awkward and not relaxing for me as I have to practically kneel to push her while trying to hold on to her at the same time so that she doesn't fall backwards.

She is actually driving me to an early grave.  She has fallen off the top of our slide several times this past month, but it doesn't seem to stop her as she rolls back to her feet and climbs back up again.

 

Her resilience continues to amaze me and we are now likening her to a cat with nine lives.  Emma lost one last Friday evening however when she and Lucy were jumping on the bed.  Will and I heard a thud like a stack of books hitting the floor but no crying so we thought nothing of it.  Moments later I wondered where Emma was.  It was then that I found her face down on the ground next to the bed.  I rolled her over and she stared back at me wide-eyed with her mouth open in a silent scream.  I picked her up and held her, waiting for her to catch her breath and start crying.  After several more moments of no sound, I laid her down on our bed to get a better look at her wounds.  At this point her face started turning blue and I started freaking out, yelling to Will that something was wrong.  My mind was racing, trying to figure out what could possibly be going on.  Did she break her neck or a rib when she fell and it wasn't allowing her to breathe?  No sooner did Will take her from me that she went as limp as a rag doll in his arms, and her head rolled backwards.  My worst fears were coming true - I thought she was dead.  I ran down the stairs to grab my phone which was charging in the kitchen.  I could barely speak as I talked to the 911 operator.  Will was right behind me with Emma and as I was giving her stats and our address Will began CPR on Emma.  For some reason he thought to blow in her face and it was then that she began breathing again and managed some weak cries.  The 911 operator heard her crying and told us he could still send an ambulance or we could opt to take her in to the ER to get checked out.  We decided to take her in ourselves.  Logistically though this wasn't a good idea, as we realized when it came time to put her in the car.  We had no idea what was wrong with her and she was limply hanging on to me.  I decided to hold her in my arms wrapped in a blanket as Will drove the back roads a couple of blocks north to the hospital.  After about two hours of hospital monitoring Emma woke up from the nap she was taking on me, looked at us and then looked at the nurse and said "Beep!" while holding up her little finger with the oxygen monitor taped to it.  She was fine!  The hospital diagnosis was that the fall impacted her diaphragm in just the right spot causing it to lock so that Emma couldn't breathe in or out.  She then became unconscious as a result of no oxygen.  Supposedly locked diaphragms are sometimes seen when kids throw fits too, and if it were to happen again, splashing cold water or blowing in her face usually shocks them into breathing again.  Will isn't sure why he blew in Emma's face, but we are certain it saved her life.  We went home with instructions to wake her up every two hours looking for a list of symptoms they gave us on a print out.  I didn't even bother setting my alarm.  I was up all night anyways dealing with a mixture of adrenaline, anxiety and thankfulness.

This emergency has brought up a lot of emotions from when we lost Luke and I am still trying to process it all.  I now carry with me two nightmare visuals burned into my memory - the first of the ultrasound showing Luke was gone, and now this - the sight of Emma unable to breathe with pure terror in her eyes.  Someone told me that if you replace a disturbing visual with an opposite one, eventually you will erase the negative memory from your mind.  So, in an effort to regain restful nights I have decided to try this theory out.  Some of my favorite things as a mom to Lucy and Emma are holding their hands, kissing their chubby cheeks, smelling their hair after they have played in the sun or taken a bath and seeing their excitement when I come home.  Lucy is starting to lose some of that excitement when I walk in the door but Emma still has it.  When she sees me, she says "Mama!" then drops whatever she is doing and runs at me full speed ahead to jump into my arms with a huge smile on her face.  This is the memory I hope to use to erase the other one.  In the meantime, we are very thankful for our little Emma and we are so happy to have her in our life.