A New Year

I can't say that Will and I are sad to see 2008 come to a close. It has been a difficult year to say the least and perhaps the hardest year Will and I have ever traveled through. In reflecting back on the year though, Will and I are trying to focus on the positive things. At the beginning of 2008 we were able to spend a lot of time with Luke going to doctor appointments almost every other day for him. I treasure my memories of him wiggling around inside of me, and pressing Will's hands to my stomach so he could experience the strength our son had. Then of course there was the day Luke was born, and we were finally able to hold him in our arms, and see his beautiful face. We had a summer filled with peace and healing that started off in June with a trip to Colorado to visit our dear Aunt Jeanette who surrounded us with love and wisdom, beautiful scenery and magnificent National Parks. The rest of our summer Will and I spent as much as possible hiking, walking and biking. For us, there is nothing more healing than time spent together outdoors. Then there was the day we found out we were pregnant with Lucy, and the day we heard her heartbeat for the first time on Will's birthday. Finally, our ultrasound in December where we found out that our baby girl was healthy. It is safe to say that Will and I are changed people from our 2008 journey. We have a renewed value for the miracle of human life, a deeper appreciation for our family and friends and a richer marriage. We also have a changed perspective on what truly matters in this life. Even still, we are happy to bring in 2009 and look with hope to the day we get to finally meet our daughter, hold her, cover her in kisses, see her first smile, change her dirty diapers, snuggle with her and tell her about her brother Luke. We are glad it is 2009.

This past Tuesday, Will's Grandma Timmerman passed away. Before Christmas she had fallen and hurt her hip. She mentioned at the time that she believed this was the beginning of the end for her. She was right. In the last couple days of her life, she suffered greatly but with grace. She was surrounded by all of her children when she died. Will was unable to say his goodbyes to her in person due to a severe flu epidemic at the nursing home, however his dad held up the phone to her ear and Will said goodbye that way. Will told her that he loved her, and asked her to hold Luke when she got to heaven, and to tell him just how much his mom and dad love him. I've only known Will's grandma the last eight years of her life, and have never really seen her interact with young children or babies. I couldn't picture her holding Luke in heaven. To put it nicely, she had made her children's lives difficult the last couple years of her life and didn't strike me as the cuddly type. In her final days though, she made a point to tell her children how much she loved each of them and asked their forgiveness for her imperfections. At the funeral home yesterday I got the chance to look over several photo boards that her children had put together. It was then that I was able to catch a glimpse of her before old age had overtaken her. In these pictures she was surrounded by her children and grandchildren. My favorite picture I saw was of her with a grandbaby just months old, curled up on her chest fast asleep. It was in that instant that I knew exactly what she and Luke were up to in heaven. They are both healthy and whole, and Luke is curled up and snuggled on his Great Grandma. I know she is whispering to him as he sleeps all about his dad and the family she so recently left on earth.

Today was Grandma Timmerman's funeral. The sun was shining down on us (a rare occurrence in January in Michigan) as we said our final goodbyes. It was so nice to have the entire family together - all seven children, thirteen granchildren and their significant others. I can't remember the last time everyone was together. It meant so much to Will and I that the family remembered Luke during the funeral and even on the spray of flowers on Grandma's casket with the ribbon that said Loving Great Grandmother. Today is what life is all about. Family and friends coming together to celebrate a life and to say goodbye for now until we are all together again.

It is our hope that 2009 is filled with hope, health and happiness for our family and friends.