I wanted to share on this blog a recent realization that I came to about Luke. When I was pregnant with Luke, it never occured to Will and I that we could lose him. We were full of hope and believed that he was a strong fighter, and would make it through all of the tough surgeries ahead of him. It was a complete shock to us when we arrived in the ER concerned that we hadn't felt him move that day and the heartbeat monitor only picked up my heartbeat. The stillness of our constantly active baby on the ultrasound monitor will be an image Will and I will never forget. In that moment, we knew that we had lost him. Leaving the hospital with empty arms and only a head full of memories, a heart full of sadness and a camera full of pictures was one of the hardest things we ever had to do.
When we came home, we wanted to put reminders of Luke around us everywhere. I printed our favorite picture of Luke and put it in the only empty frame we had at the time - a frame that was given to us when we were pregnant that said "Miracle" across the bottom. Up until now, the irony of those words have always bothered me. How can it be a miracle that we are holding our dead son? How can it be a miracle that we had to leave the hospital without him? How can it be a miracle that we will never see his sweet face, or watch him grow on this earth? How can this endless pain that we are learning to live with on a daily basis be a miracle?
Two amazing women who have wonderful blogs have opened my eyes to the miracle this morning. EVERY life is a miracle. No matter how short. Luke's life has forever changed my life and that in itself is a miracle. Luke didn't have to utter a cry or feel any pain on this earth, and yet still is our son, and will live in our hearts forever - that is a miracle. All Luke ever felt was the love of his parents, and the warm enclosure of my stomach. When God decided it was Luke's time to go home, he took Luke while his parents were peacefully sleeping side by side. Miracle.
I am missing my Luke today as always.
When we came home, we wanted to put reminders of Luke around us everywhere. I printed our favorite picture of Luke and put it in the only empty frame we had at the time - a frame that was given to us when we were pregnant that said "Miracle" across the bottom. Up until now, the irony of those words have always bothered me. How can it be a miracle that we are holding our dead son? How can it be a miracle that we had to leave the hospital without him? How can it be a miracle that we will never see his sweet face, or watch him grow on this earth? How can this endless pain that we are learning to live with on a daily basis be a miracle?
Two amazing women who have wonderful blogs have opened my eyes to the miracle this morning. EVERY life is a miracle. No matter how short. Luke's life has forever changed my life and that in itself is a miracle. Luke didn't have to utter a cry or feel any pain on this earth, and yet still is our son, and will live in our hearts forever - that is a miracle. All Luke ever felt was the love of his parents, and the warm enclosure of my stomach. When God decided it was Luke's time to go home, he took Luke while his parents were peacefully sleeping side by side. Miracle.
I am missing my Luke today as always.
Posts
1 comment:
Of Course you miss him. None of your future children will take his place. He will always have a special spot in your hearts.
We will pray for you as you go thru missing him, and for your future child.
Blessings.
Post a Comment