March and the Start of Spring

This past month, after years of searching, we found our first salamanders.  Apparently salamanders migrate in March back to the ponds they were born in and weather conditions need to be just right.  We finally stumbled upon the right window of time and were so excited to find several different varieties of salamanders as well as frogs and turtles in a local pond/swamp.  We even helped a woman perform a field operation on a salamander that was covered in leeches.  We as in I volunteered Will - no way was I going to touch leeches.  I'd like to believe that if Will wasn't around, I would have done what needed to be done.

  

I wish I could convey the magical feeling of discovery and community on this beautiful Saturday in March where we, along with several other strangers from all walks of life, united over the common bond of natural wonder.  One dad there with his young son said, "this sure beats video games."  I whole heartedly agree.  It was like I had found my tribe, and this experience will forever remain in my memory - the special moment when we all found salamanders.  The feeling of shared excitement gave me such hope for our future - there are people in the world who care for and are in wonderment of this beautiful, amazing earth.  And they are raising their kids to feel that awe as well.  I never found out a single name of the people, but we learned the names of the red and blue salamanders we found.  I will never forget the people or the salamanders from this magical day.

We did lots of exploring on our favorite trails this past month.  I love that due to the pandemic, we are really becoming regulars on our local trails.  The boredom of walking the same trails every day would normally be remedied by driving to farther trails to change things up.  Because of the pandemic, we are staying closer to home and the familiarity of walking the same trails has led us to make discoveries that we normally wouldn't have noticed.  To really know a place, I am starting to understand that you have to be a part of it every single day before the intricacies are revealed to you.  The seasonality of plants, animals and insects and when they emerge from the ground, have their babies or become pesky are all greeted now with expectation and a feeling of comfort - the earth is predictable, despite the chaos that seems to be around us.

In the bottom lefthand photo above, my youngest brother Pat is taking a break with us on a bench during a hike near our house.  On our way home, a woman walking by asked if all five kids were mine.  I just had to laugh, because my brother is in his mid-twenties.  The last time I was asked this question when I was with my brother was when I was fifteen years old and an old woman asked me if I was breastfeeding him.  I almost threw him across the room, I was that appalled.  Fortunately, he and I both survived that embarrassment and I can only laugh at the memory now.

We spent a lot of time in our own backyard this past month and the girls are excited to be able to have the carefree feeling that comes from being able to paint their nails outside again, with no parent harping on them about spilling nail polish on the furniture or carpet.  

Charlie is loving this warmer weather and is shedding his winter coat something fierce.  He is looking slimmer too, so his winter weight is also melting away.  My neighbor sent me the below, left hand text.  Charlie loves hanging with the neighbors, and we know of two neighbors now that feed him every day.  I've insisted that he is well fed, but I know that they can't say no to his begging eyes.

Charlie gave me quite a scare on St. Patrick's Day.  I went outside in the morning to feed him and found his food dish covered in blood, and blood in the garage.  Charlie was no where to be found and my worst fears were playing out in my mind.  I donned latex gloves and a bottle of disinfectant - I didn't know whose blood was all over the garage - and started praying that Charlie was okay.  Later that afternoon, Charlie appeared with a giant scab on his ear.  Something had ripped the tip of his ear.  Fortunately my sister in law, a veterinarian, who is used to getting emergency texts about my cat, reassured me that it looked to be treatable at home with soap and water.  Six weeks later and the scab finally fell off for good and he has quite a chip taken out of his ear - just another scar to add to his many scars, but the first scar that isn't hidden by fur.  We are now calling him Charlie O'Timmerman, since he apparently got in a bar fight before noon on St. Paddy's Day.  What a cat.

We were able to do some outside visits with friends and family this past month on some nice weather days.  In clockwise order from top left below: the girls and I had a pizza picnic with my dad, the girls playing at a local park with friends we haven't seen since before the pandemic, a picnic lunch with my parents and my nieces and nephews who were in town (that we also hadn't seen since before the pandemic and I could hardly keep the tears from falling at my relief and love at seeing their dear and sweet faces), meeting my parents and nieces and nephews for an outdoor Sunday afternoon donut and cider snack, and finally, having a bonfire with friends on a full moon.

We have still been avoiding stores, so when we do go, it is a major event.  In the four photos on the left below, Will is texting me play by play updates of his errands.  In the top right photo below, Violet and Opal are waiting patiently in a fitting room as the rest of us try on clothes.  It is sooo nice to be able to try on clothes again as fitting rooms are starting to open back up.  Outfitting a growing family with clothes ordered online has gotten super old, with guessing sizes, returning the ones that don't fit, and waiting on the ones that do fit to arrive.  It's a long and drawn out process.

In the above, right hand photo, Emma is lighting a candle at our church after making her first Reconciliation.  Our church did an amazing job keeping families and their kids safe during this sacrament.  The most difficult part was choosing a face mask from our growing collection that coordinated with Emma's outfit.

We have spent a lot of time at home this past month, and the girls plugged along with school.  The below photo shows a full circle moment with Lucy proofreading copy for a journal I am producing for girls her age, and the opposite photo is of me proofing Lucy's math homework.  Lucy had a smile and a giggle at the joy of being on the opposite side for once.  She was very kind with her suggestions, and had some great ideas too.

The girls love being creative in various ways.  Opal and Violet love playing with PlayDoh, Emma loves building things (in the below, right hand photo Emma built a tic tac toe game from Home Depot), and Lucy found my floral crown supplies in the basement and made some for her American Girl dolls.  One evening I found the three youngest girls watching TV with a line of stuffed animals also enjoying the show.

For the most part my kids play well together.  We struggle with the younger two wanting a playmate, but not wanting to play what the other wants to play.  Sometimes all four of them play Legos well together.  Things usually go better when they play in twos, but it does almost always end with a disagreement - usually because the older sister is done playing and the younger sister is not.

On St. Patrick's Day Will's parents dropped off a treasure hunt that the kids enjoyed doing.  I also found my husband who has absolutely no Italian blood in him, drinking the residue of tomato sauce in a marinara jar.

We loved watching the crocus and daffodils come up from their winter slumber, and we also were excited that our chickens are starting to lay eggs again after taking the winter off.  One or two of our chickens have started eating the freshly laid eggs, and Lucy and Violet have taken it upon themselves to outwit the egg-eating chicken.  First we tried putting a stone in their nesting boxes, shaped like an egg.  That didn't work. Then Will found some plastic fake eggs online, and that, along with promptly getting the eggs as soon as they are hatched, has allowed us to get fresh eggs again.  Lucy and Violet know the egg laying schedule of each hen now, and the egg-eating chicken is not happy with them.  

Will came home from work one day on the early side, and although our plans to do something exciting and fun with his unexpected early day were dashed, his timing worked out for us because when he came home he realized that our sump pump was backing up and water was starting to pour into the basement.  He caught it within minutes of this turning into a HUGE problem.  I can't even believe the timing.  He was able to replace the sump pump and we only had minimal mopping to do.  

One weekend morning Lucy and Will made beignets while I had a luxurious bath.  I've also been making my own tea, and it is a bit tedious. Because of that, I usually will do it on a weekend and make enough for a month.  It tastes so much better than anything I have found in the store.  We also made chicken pot pie in bulk for our freezer, which makes a great and easy weeknight meal.  In the below, right hand photo, I text a photo to my sister in law who's always advising me on Charlie, and asked her for tips on stitching a stuffed kitty cat's ear.  There was way less blood with this wound.  

I've read that home renovations and decorating supplies are in high demand during the pandemic, and our house is no exception.  I think it is because we are all staying home so much and either getting sick of the view, or realizing that the view is a tad shabby.  We redecorated our living room after eleven years of the previous decor, and a rug that stood up to countless spills, crumbs, playing and four kids going through potty training.  I am very happy with how it turned out - I found a great rug online, some coordinating material that I made throw pillows out of, a matching ceramic pot and throw blanket, and all of it went perfectly with the artwork from one of my favorite artists that Will framed for me for Christmas.  Every time I come downstairs into the living room, I am taken aback with love for this newly decorated space.

 March was filled with happy things and I can't help but think that this is what the start of spring is all about.

Opal is 3!

Opal has been making us laugh, ordering us around and giving us snuggles for three years now!  Opal was so excited for her birthday this year, and even understood to ask for the gifts she wanted.  

Opal got her request of more stuffed "meow meows" and chocolate.  She received a few surprises as well.

Her three sisters pooled their money together and got Opal a cute little Duplo Lego set and were a tad hurt when Opal opened up the wrapping paper enough to see what was inside, and then violently tossed it aside.  When she opened up a Lego set from Will and I, it was met with the same force.  She refused to touch the Lego sets for weeks after her birthday.  We still aren't sure if she was just that excited, or if she really didn't want them.  Keep in mind she plays Legos with her sisters every single day.

Friends and family sent gifts and she loves the bug catching kit from her God parents and the game Uno Moo from my parents along with some new mess-free markers.  Will's parents got her a tie dye pink dress that she is wearing in the above right hand photo and it is one of her favorite dresses now.

Opal was old enough this year to plan her birthday menu, and requested pancakes and sausage for her breakfast.  She even had enough mini pancakes made to feed her new kitty cats.  

It was perfect playground weather on her birthday, so we spent the afternoon at one of Opal's favorite playgrounds.  We brought the Hershey kisses she got for her birthday, and chocolate combined with the six of us together made for a lovely afternoon.  There was one point where Will was going down the twisty slide with this look on his face that had the girls and I laughing so hard our sides hurt. 

When we came home from the park it was time to frost Opal's cupcakes and make her requested hot dog dinner.  She had requested strawberry cupcakes for her birthday dessert.   I couldn't find a food dye free strawberry cupcake mix, and so had to make them from scratch that morning along with her made from scratch pancakes.  Coming home to frost them and make dinner made me feel like I had spent way too much time in the kitchen while the rest of the family enjoyed the day and this made me cranky.  I regret to say that I threw a tantrum and the other three sisters vowed to only eat prepackaged foods for their birthday.  I feel badly about this as I want to make them healthy and delicious foods, especially on their special days.  Next year I will make complicated desserts a day or two prior so that I can enjoy more birthday festivities along side them.  And remind myself that it is okay to ask for help because otherwise no one knows that I am overwhelmed.  Thank goodness for the safe space of my family to learn how to grow and communicate better!

And, in true three year old form, Opal only ate the frosting off of the cupcakes.  But she had fun decorating them with sprinkles, so in her mind, her dessert was a win.

Opal is still our foodie.  She uses words like "delicious" to describe flavorful food, and she requests "green stuff", also known as garlic pesto, on her sandwiches and pizza.

Below is a photo with Opal next to the kind of flowers that were in bloom on the day she was born - purple crocus.

Opal loves when we build her forts, and loves when we play with her too.  She is not picky on playmates, as long as someone will play with her.  She does not play very long on her own.

At three years old, most kids have a full head of hair.  Opal's hair is just starting to come in enough to do something with it.  She now requests every morning to have "girl" hair and her most requested style is a little side braid.  She longingly talks about wanting hair like her sisters and mama.  At the rate it is starting to finally grow, I'd say by four years old she will!

Opal loves playing with her play kitchen and making us and her stuffed animals yummy treats and picnics.  She also loves playing in the water in the shower or the bathtub.

We've had some struggles with obsessive hand washing this past month, plus some challenges with different smells.  She doesn't mind dirty hands as long as they don't smell.  But as soon she even thinks something that she has to touch might scent her hands, she refuses to touch it.  After speaking with her pediatrician, we are setting the timer to spread out hand washing and to let her hands heal from washing them so much.  We are also upping her sensory play and talking to her about the times when it is okay to wash her hands so that she knows she can eventually which gives her the freedom to play.  As I type this, she is doing so much better, but when we were in the thick of it we didn't know if this was a permanent reality or a passing phase.  I don't think that we are dealing with a passing phase, but I also think that given the right tools, we can help Opal manage her sensory challenges.  She has always been sensitive to loud sounds, seems to have heightened taste, and now scent has come in to play.  I'm choosing to see her sensitivity as a gift, and who knows how this will help her future dreams.  In the below photos in clockwise order from top left: Opal taking her meow meows for a ride, Opal showing me the map she made to get to our vacation house that we rent, Opal giving some toy mermaids a bath with a toothbrush and a tub of water at the table, and Opal drawing with markers.

Opal brings us so much joy and I can't believe she is three years old already.

Opal, I wish I could stop time and keep you this little forever, but I will remind myself that each new phase brings new delights.  If I could freeze moments in a bottle to savor for later, they would be the smell of your hair after you've played in the sunshine, your hugs and kisses, the feel of your sweet cheeks as I cover you in kisses, the weight of you in my lap as we snuggle with a storybook and the sound of your little voice.

Happy birthday Opal!  We love you!

Skating Through February

For the past thirteen years, February has been a difficult month for me due to the memories and anniversary dates of Luke's death and birth.  This past February was perhaps the most happy February I have had since Luke died.  I attribute this not to me moving on emotionally, but to the fact that we embraced the weather in February like I haven't done since I was a kid.  I've always found it interesting that the hardest month weather-wise of the year was also the hardest month emotionally for me as well.  I wonder if the weather wasn't so brutal if my feelings wouldn't be so dark as well?  Due to COVID this year, we stuck to outdoor visits only, and because of that, we were outside a lot, despite below freezing temperatures.  And amazingly enough, despite the courage needed to go outside each day, when we came back inside, our perspectives were fresh, the house seemed cozier, and we were all just happier.  There is something to be said for going outside despite the temperature and COVID made that possible this year, for lack of anything better to do. 

I am so glad we had snow.  Snow gives us a reason to play outside when it is cold.  If there is no snow when it is cold, it is much harder to get outside and stay outside.

With no place to go, snow became a happy event.  We didn't care if the roads were bad - we could embrace the joy of snow.

This winter we finally got all four girls on to the ice as well.  The older three kids have been to indoor ice skating rinks in the past, and no one really enjoyed it, especially me, with an aching back trying to get skates on everyone and then hauling them around the ice as they were still wobbly on their feet.  And Will has proclaimed that he has washed his hands of skating, as to him the work isn't not worth the outcome.  But I have such great memories of skating when I was a kid, from the local pond to a few winters that my dad made an ice rink in our backyard, that I am determined to trod on through the challenges and get my kids confident on the ice.  Whether it was a combination of age or the thrill of doing something, anything, during our COVID shut-in, the girls finally took to the ice.  Yes, the first few times they were still wobbly and hesitant, but with my commitment to giving them the experience of some of my favorite childhood memories, I was determined to stick it out despite cracking and bleeding fingers from tying so many skate laces in frigid weather and encouraging them to not be afraid to fall.

We met friends at the ponds, and the socializing combined with the freedom of no time constraints and an activity that embraces cold weather - the colder the better for solid ice - we had a happy and memorable month.  And, I'm happy to report that the two oldest can now put their own skates on too.  

We also continued sledding with friends, and when we knew the weather was finally warming up, we had a memorable last skate of the season with a gorgeous setting sun to illuminate our final skate.

I can't wait until next February when hopefully the weather will be good for ice again!  Since then, we are enjoying the thaw, and a bit more understanding that each season brings it's joys and challenges.  No season lasts forever, so we will continue to try to soak in the joys that each one brings as much as we can.  

Charlie is approaching middle age, and this winter he decided that he did not prefer to walk on snow.  So whenever we were outside, he rode on my shoulder like a parrot.  Of course, if I had invited him, he would have preferred being carried like a baby, but if I didn't invite him with open arms, he climbed me like a tree and sat atop my shoulder like he owned the place.  What a cat.  In the below photos in clockwise order from top left:  Charlie surprising the girls when he came out of their snow fort, Charlie climbing on top of my stomach as I attempted to make a snow angel in the backyard, Emma and Violet giving Charlie snuggles, Charlie on my shoulder, Charlie on my shoulder again, and finally, Charlie sitting outside on our dining room window sill, watching us eat with beggar eyes.

Homeschool plugged along steadily this past month, with efficiency in the morning fueled by the thrill of being done with school in time to hit the local sled hill or frozen pond.  In clockwise order from top left below: Violet giving me her signature "I don't like this" look when I told her what she needed to do for school that day, Opal playing in the tub while I held office hours in the bathroom for the older three kids, Emma holding a pillow she sewed all by herself for her new bedroom, and the three youngest doing yoga in the living room.

There was still plenty of indoor play this past month despite our frequent skating and sledding.  In clockwise order from top left below: a Lego Princess segway that Violet designed, Violet looking cute with an armful of stuffed animals, Will enjoying a "picnic" with girls and cats, and finally, the girls playing Jenga with Opal wearing noise canceling headphones so she would be ready for the inevitable crash.

I continued to plug away at my new business, Wildflower Moon, and have employed the three older girls, complete with time sheets.  So far, they keep buying stuff and then having to work it off, so I have yet to officially pay them.  Ah, the American way!

We did an outdoor social tour one day when the weather was warmer and visited a long-time friend in her driveway that we hadn't seen in over a year.  Then stopped by a friend's house and then my parents house.  The kids built a snowman on my parent's back patio and my mom said it made her so happy to see that snowman every day for weeks since the weather stayed cold.

We had a quiet Valentine's Day and made each other homemade cards.  Will picked up donuts before he went to work that morning so that we all had a treat when we woke up a few hours later.

We celebrated Luke's 13th birthday, and it was a lovely day.  I received a beautiful rainbow sun catcher with Luke's name engraved on it from a dear friend, and another sweet friend dropped off a gorgeous yellow tulip wreath on his birthday.  Several other friends and family sent me loving notes and text.  I felt unworthy of so much love.  I am so grateful for the friends and family I have in my life.  Truly, there are no words and I strive to be the kind of friend and family member that they have been to me.  This is how you overcome tragedy.  With the love of others lifting you up.  It is a very humbling and incredible experience.  I did have a moment at the cemetery where I took a photo of Luke's four sisters standing at his grave and it occurred to me that this is the only time I will physically have all of my kids together on earth.  The finality of this fact physically hits me hard in my gut.  But.  BUT.  Look at my four beautiful girls.  I am so grateful.  It is possible to be amazed with gratitude while also having a permanent hole in your heart.  I am both pain and gratitude.  And the depth of both is more than I ever knew I could feel.

Perhaps this February was easier on me because we had some major distraction happening as well.  We have talked about busting into a wall in the girls bedroom for years and putting in a built in bunk bed.  But the dimensions are so close to making or breaking the possibility of a functioning bunk bed that we kept hesitating.  That, and the fact that it would be a major, house disrupting, project.  We finally decided to go for it.  The first step was cutting a small hole in the wall to determine what was back there.  We always hold our breath when we do this, as we have no idea what we will find - dead bodies, treasure, or serious structural issues.  We found a few clothing tags, a button or two and a penny.  The space used to be a closet, and for some reason, a previous owner decided to seal it off.  We were good to go.

After confirming that we could make the bunk bed, it was time to move the girls into Opal's bedroom, a room that is barely large enough to hold one twin bed.  Thank goodness Opal was still in a toddler bed, as we put her bed on the smallest size, and added in a twin bed for Lucy and the bunk bed that Violet and Emma sleep in.  You could no longer access the closet in the room, but it worked for temporary housing.

Will is good at many things, and his craftsmanship is top notch.  He does NOT excel at cleanliness while he works, and the drywall dust was EVERYWHERE.  It was very hard for me not to lose my mind completely during this process.  I spent so much time mopping, dusting, vacuuming and just trying to maintain a sense of normalcy with the mess and the furniture from the girls room placed in random places throughout our house.  This project was intended to be done over Will's winter break - a four day weekend.  We were crazy to think it could be finished that fast.  It was well over a month of chaos, but the end results was totally worth it.

Emma was Will's right hand helper, and absolutely loved everything about the construction process.

We wanted to put a time capsule under the bunk bed before it was sealed up, and so we took a few photos of the girls, Will and I, Charlie and our house with the bunk bed and also put in a few 2021 coins, a small American flag, and some poems and blessings as well as a letter to whoever finds it in the future.  All of this went into one of my old Harding Honey jars.  Our house is 100 years old, and we would have LOVED to find something like this each of the times we have busted into the walls of this old house.

Below are some of the photos that went into the time capsule.

The night that the girls moved into their new room, Will's Aunt and Uncle dropped off new bed sheets for all of the girls, amazing chocolate cupcakes and a new bedtime story to celebrate their new room.  This was such a great idea, and it really made the first night in their new room even more exciting.

Opal is now bunking with her sisters, and her sleep is slowly improving.  She has still not slept through the night a day in her life, but with baby steps, I know we will get there.  Lucy has been a team player, and a lot of times will either lay with Opal in her bed when she wakes up in the middle of the night or even bring Opal to me if she can't console her.

My favorite part about this set up though, is that when I go to check on them before I go to bed each night, I get the pleasure of seeing their sweet sleeping faces all together in one room and it fills my heart with amazement, love and gratitude.  I know that this phase in our family's life with them all happily together in one room will be short, but I am so happy to be in the midst of it right now.  My little women, who show me the benefits of sisterhood each and every day.  Mama loves you!!!!