Will and I are happy to say that Luke is going to be a big brother! We are expecting our second child to arrive sometime in April. About a month before we found out we were pregnant, I asked Luke to send me a sign so that I wouldn't worry as much during our next pregnancy. A month later, right before we found out we were pregnant, I had a dream that I was holding a healthy baby girl. So, hopefully Luke got the gender right (because I'm referring to the baby as a girl now), but I think the important thing he wanted his mom to know is that this baby is going to be healthy.
Being pregnant again has brought a strange mix of emotions. In fact, I think it has caused us to miss our Luke even more. I am still not over missing my baby boy. I still think about him every day. I still wish for him back. I am still his mother. Just because we are happy to have a second child doesn't mean that we have forgotten or hope to replace Luke. No matter how many children we have, none of them will replace Luke and there will always be a part of our family that is missing. While we are now looking forward to our second child, we will always have a hole in our heart and life where Luke should have been. Another baby cannot fill that hole. This baby is new to me, and does nothing to erase the pain of missing Luke. I may be able to better handle my grief, to hide it, to live with it, but it is still there. I still mourn and love my Luke while celebrating our new baby. This new baby does not exclude or 'make up for' missing our Lukey. Luke will always be our firstborn, and we can't wait to tell our new little one all about their big brother in heaven.
With that being said, please keep us in your prayers as we find the balance between celebrating our new child, while still grieving for our son Luke.
Today, Luke would have been 7 months old. We miss you Luke, more than we know how to say.
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Week #5
9 years ago
